Often when I start a new relationship I become more
insecure than I was when I was single. I worry that this new relationship that
seems fulfilling and fun will flop and I will be disappointed. I worry that I
won't be as fun anymore when I am a part of a couple. Because of this new found
insecurity. I do something bad, and I know a lot of my friends do the same. We
keep our backburner suitors, maybe too long. We don't cheat, we just forget to
tell them we have a boyfriend. We would be furious, to the point of questioning
our new relationship, if our new boyfriend had old chickenheads hanging around.
But, in our defense we have no idea where this new relationship is going. We
would hate to end these 'friendships' prematurely and have no one to dine and
over-wine us out of misery. Plus, we don't want to scare off our new man by
being overly committed, (some might find this clingy) right?
Sure we have taken ourselves off the market and we
aren't hanging out with our old suitors but a status change hasn't occurred on
facebook. No need to tell everyone we are taken. We didn't want to be exclusive
with these suitors when we were single and had the chance. But like our old,
one size too big, boot-cut jeans, we keep them around just in case the cheese
and white wine pounds really start to build up. It's nice to know we have
options and won't have to build a new wardrobe of men if things go wrong.
Also, it's comforting. There is a part of life that is
more fun when you're single, the part where lots of people want to take you out
for drinks and dinner, you can drink too much without anyone telling you that
you are embarrassing them and of course you have plenty of time for friends .
Flirting is fun (but not totally appropriate when you're in a relationship). If
you already have a phone full of people who enjoy your flirting, why cut off
communication with them too quickly?
While it's fun and makes you feel good to have these
suitors texting you and calling you, you may find yourself dating these second-string
sub-par suitors while thinking of your recent ex. It might just be
inappropriate to keep these guys around once the commitment has been made. Even if you aren't
cheating.
