пятница, 11 октября 2019 г.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Massaging a Woman


Prove you can take care of her, and she’ll be putty in your hands.

It’s a quarter to midnight in Paris. The summer streets are full of laughter and the sun set only half an hour ago. Uniformed waiters are offering carafes of wine. Back at Marie’s apartment it’s still not clear whether I’ll be sleeping on the couch or the bed. But I’m tired. I just arrived in Paris after a month in the south of France. My plane home leaves in three days.

If I make the wrong move those could be a difficult three days. We have dinners planned, I’m supposed to sign books at Shakespeare & Co. tomorrow and meet with my editor from L’Optium. But she sits down next to me. This is the first time we have been alone together. And I realize that under her sundress she ne porte pas de soutien-gorge.
And so I debate making the offer…

“You are asking for and building trust. At the time you are asking for trust, you are also asking another person to disrobe and turn their back to you. This can be fun. It can be terrifying. But what it should not be is awkward.”

A massage is like a glass of wine. It’s great to offer her after a long day. It can be refreshing. It can be fun. It can lead to sex, or even easier to a nice nap. But giving a woman a good massage is something more akin to a palm reading. You’re exploring her, reading her body, learning how she is in her skin. So, like a horoscope, it needs to be personal and it should reflect who she is. But it needs a good structure.

And this is one of those times where knowing what you’re doing, working confidently and methodically, can make any amateur man into a godlike figure. Forget navigating the wine list, forget having heated bathroom floors or flowers in every room of your house. They’re nice. But if you really want to show a woman you can take care of her, you need to up your massage game. Which is something I have done for years, but I realize now that I should get some professional advice.

So I asked Rachel Beider, LMT, owner of Brooklyn’s Massage Williamsburg for some tips…


1. Talk to your partner.
“Ask her where she has pain or tension. During your massage, make sure to focus on those spots in particular.”
Massage takes the lactic acid from stress, athletics and other unsexy things from the reaches of your body and moves it through the body to the—
“Nope. That’s a myth.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Here’s some info about the lactic acid myth from the NY Times.”
“I have been using that in my massage bedside manner speech for at least 10 years.”
Apparently knots are caused by layers of muscle that get “stuck.” They leave you sore and stiff. Massage works to undo that.
Let’s let the expert get into it:

2. Set the mood.
“Choose a quiet room, light a candle, play some relaxing music and get comfortable. If your partner prefers to be seated, put a pillow in her lap for support. Make sure she’s warm and comfortable.”
And the candle works for one simple reason: It’s an excellent light to be naked in. Flattering. Quiet. It’s the Instagram filter of the bedroom.
Also the massage surface must be firm. Tempur-Pedics, futons, even a yoga mat on a firm surface with a towel over it works in a pinch. Speaking of which…

3. Have towels on hand.
If this is your first time touching her flesh, you want the towel for a number of great reasons. It shows you care about her comfort and modesty and it will keep just-rubbed areas warm while the muscles cool down.
Here’s how it goes down: You hand her a (clean) towel and say, “I’m going to step out and wash my hands, why don’t you take your shirt off and lay down on your stomach and we’ll begin.” A massage therapist is not going to stand around checking his phone while she disrobes and puts her bracelets someplace safe and neither should you.

4. Speak as much as possible.
Be direct and clear. How you handle yourself is just as important as how you handle her. “I’m going to start now.” If she has a bra on, let her know you’re going to unhook it for her and leave it there like she’s sunning her shoulders.

“A massage therapist is not going to stand around checking his phone while she disrobes and puts her bracelets someplace safe and neither should you.”

5. Use proper oil.
It has to be there. Talcum powder is also suitable. But keep in mind that this is a woman’s skin. This is a good one for home court advantage on her part because you can put a cream she already likes on places she can’t reach. Sun tan lotion is a fun replacement in the winter because it smells like warm days.

Years ago I bought a legit bottle of scented massage oil and I usually offer either that or a regular grocery store jar of coconut oil. Girls always choose the unscented coconut oil. It’s great for the skin and at the end you don’t feel like you need a shower. Personally, I see this as an indicator of what she hopes to get out of the massage. A woman who wants your hands on her later will usually choose for the one that doesn’t have herbs and spices in it.

The great thing about coconut oil is that it’s thick viscosity means you have to rub it together with your hands and get it warm to work. It feels like hard chapstick. This is a good reminder for all guys attempting the massage: You have to warm up the oil in your hands. Do not, under any circumstances, just squirt the cold bottle of topping on her. She’s a woman, not a hotdog.
“Rather than starting with lots of movement or technique, warm your hands by rubbing them together, and then let your fingers slowly sink into her shoulders and see what you feel. This is called palpation—it’s like the difference between looking at words on a page, and actually reading them.” Beider says. “For a massage to be truly exceptional, you should start by feeling what’s happening with your partner and responding to it.”

6. Ask questions.
This is where the curious man will never get bored. Women who work at desks have a lot of stress in their shoulders. Waitresses have burnt triceps. “Do you wear glasses at work?” I find myself asking if she has a lot of stress in the neck. This is pretty much the easiest and best possible time to tell a woman what you’re feeling.

The body is a bit of a crystal ball in that sense. “You have a lot of stress in your lower back. What do you think causes that?” Everyone. Everyone. Everyone likes being told that they must put up with a lot to have knots in their shoulders. It’s like when your boxing coach complains that his hands hurt after he took the mitts off and you say, “A boxing coach noticed!”

7. Work that body.
I studied anatomy in school, but this is a great chance to use what you’ve picked up over the years from personal trainers, sports trainers and ER doctors when you’ve gotten injured. Sometimes vocabulary is the best medicine. If you’ve pulled a shoulder before, tell her about the stress to her tendons. Ask about her sports history.

“The flipside is that if you leave her there on a table in the cold dark room and stop for even 30 seconds she won’t feel relaxed at all. How is she supposed to know you aren’t taking pictures with your phone or are suddenly disgusted with what you see? (Don’t be that guy). ”

There’s one thing missing from all amateur massage guides, and I want to take a second to address it right now: You are asking for and building trust. At the time you are asking for trust, you are also asking another person to disrobe and turn their back to you. This can be fun. It can be terrifying. But what it should not be is awkward: Talk, tell her when you’re going to warm up some more cream, keep a hand connected to her when you reach for an extra towel. Make it fun and make her feel like you can take care of her.
The flipside is that if you leave her there on a table in the cold dark room and stop for even 30 seconds she won’t feel relaxed at all. How is she supposed to know you aren’t taking pictures with your phone or are suddenly disgusted with what you see? (Don’t be that guy).

For the same reason that you can’t tickle yourself or do your own chiropractics, a good massage is beyond what someone can do for him- or herself. Keep that in mind. That’s why you have her lie facedown.

When massaging the lower body, work from her feet up—the Achilles, calves, hamstrings and thighs. Maybe you’ve rubbed your calves or shoulders after a workout. But have you ever given your own ass a rubdown? If I could do that I would never leave the house.

Work at all times in small circles up the circulatory system. Wikipedia has some charts. Get an anatomy app. The fantastic Essential Anatomy 5 is probably the priciest app in my phone, but at $24.99 it’s still cheaper than a textbook or a class. It beats my copy of Grey’s Anatomy.
Here’s a simple thing to remember: all things being equal, you want long strokes for long body parts and intricate ones for intricate ones. Legs and lats need long vertical rubs; fingers, ears and necks need smaller, circular rubs.

Use the areas of your hand differently as you fan out from bone to muscle. Use the palm around the spine, the pads of your hands on the ribs and just barely use the fingertips on the flanks (a.k.a. the sideboob region).
Try to be firm-but-not-too-firm, like the mattress. A weak massage is as unsatisfying as a weak handshake. But there’s a limit. “Too much pressure is stressful,” notes Beider. “I always tell clients we want ‘delicious pain, not scary pain.’ ”

“I like to leave the neck and head for last, because these areas are sensitive and will be easier to work on if the rest of the body is feeling relaxed.”
The head massage is probably the most underrated of all. You can do it on a long plane ride or while someone else runs the grill on vacation.
And this concludes the pro-advised portion of this guide.

Normally that would be the end and I would tell you to hone your craft. Do some hand massages. A patient partner will be happy to help you practice. So try that. Maybe do a short one this week to build your confidence.

But here’s one thing I learned that astonished me: There are myriad laws to protect clients and masseurs. Sometimes a person who goes to a massage parlor isn’t there for a foot rub, if you know what I’m saying. In New York it is a felonyjust to give a massage for pay without a license. (In the eyes of the law, it’s the same as being an unlicensed dentist). For this reason most LMT’s have to deal with laws about draping and nudity.

This means that even a professional masseuse can massage her pecs, but not her breasts. This means she’s counting on you, guy. Breast tissue carries with it just as much stress as anywhere else. They need gentle kneading and care.

Back in Paris now. Marie is facedown on the bed in just a pair of French knickers. She looks like Bridgette Bardot sunning her shoulders in Monte Carlo. At the very end I tell her to just relax there for a minute. Her body just went through a huge experience, and the pressure to reciprocate might undo that. I drape a towel over her and bring a glass of water (dehydration can cause sore muscles).

When I get up to leave the bedroom she asks me to stay. And the next three days were the best part of the whole trip…


вторник, 1 октября 2019 г.

Should I Pay Or Should I Go Now?


If you are one of millions of Americans who have moved from the North to the South or East to West or even Austin to Dallas, you know that there are dating different customs and expectations about what to do when the check comes. Who pays? Who offers to pay but won’t be expected to? When is the tab split? What does paying the bill signify anyway? And what do you do if you handle it all wrong? 
Let me start this post by saying, there is simply no way I can please everyone on this topic. Some of you are going to disagree and quibble with me about it. Bring it! As much as I have traveled the country, interviewing and compiling dating information and customs, there is no way I’ve hit the nail on every head… please leave a comment if you have something to say… whether I got it right or wrong in your opinion… and lets get the discussion going!
Lets cover the who pays question first. Whomever did the asking does the paying. This has nothing to do with who is able to pay for it or who is greater or less than in the eyes of society… this has everything to do with being the person who initiated. If you initiated the gathering, you are the host and unless specified before that you are going “dutch,” you expect to pay the bill. 

From here on out, there is no “rule” and plenty of exceptions to the “rule.” Let me put this idea out there… if you know someone isn’t “from” where you are “from,” give them a break on this bill paying thing. If the girl offers to split it and that offends you because you were raised that gentlemen pay the bill or perhaps the girl doesn’t offer but says thank you very sweetly and you are appalled that she would take you for granted like that… perhaps consider that she may be from a part of the country where men react differently than you do when a split is offered. I can’t tell you how many women I talk to who feel like the axe of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” falls when that bill hits the table. And girls, the same goes for you… if he looks at you inquiringly or wrestles you for the bill… go for reacting with grace as opposed to offense as your knee-jerk reaction. I doubt he is trying to offend you.
Some general rules of thumb on what to expect where you are living or visiting:
§  North East: Both parties are expected to offer to pay no matter who does the asking. Likelihood that the man will end up paying is about 50/50 and much higher in NYC since NYC men tend to use that wallet as a social standing symbol. Many Northeastern men consider the bill to be reflective of how liberated you are as far as seeking equality. Boston daters seem to be particularly fierce in their insistence that women pull out that wallet and prove their equality and liberation. A hold over from the tea party days?
§  South East and South: If you are below the Mason Dixon Line, expect the man to not only offer but likely be offended if the woman reaches for the bill. The bill has nothing to do with equality and everything to do with being “raised right” and being properly hospitable. If you are a woman, that does not mean you get off scott-free. A man will be watching to see how gracious and appreciative you are of his hospitality. Do NOT forget to express your thanks and in the deep south, a thank you note the following day wouldn’t surprise anyone. (Don’t make the mistake in thinking that Southern men see women as “less than.” Nothing could be further from the truth, as any Southern man worth his salt knows that Southern Belles have a spine of steel under that gracious exterior.)
§  Midwest: Its pretty typical for a man to pay. In some of the larger cities, women usually offer but an interested man likely will not take her up on it. The bill in the Midwest is really seen as an extension of how you were raised combined with an indicator of interest. If a woman insists on paying, it usually indicates a lack of interest in a second date.
§  Texas: A mix of Southern and Midwestern expectations. A woman usually won’t go wrong offering to pay but very rarely expecting to be taken up on it. The larger cities sway a bit more towards a Midwestern mentality, but if your date comes from small town Texas, expect Southern manners.
§  Desert and Mountain States: You have entered an equal opportunity bill pay zone. Women shouldn’t be too surprised when and if a man takes her up on paying her share of the bill. More dutch dating on the whole than most other areas of the country. The bill here seems to signify your ability to take care of yourself. Self-sufficiency rises to the surface, perhaps because the terrain encourages highly independent individuals to seek out life in the extremes of sun and snow.
§  California: Most like the desert and mountain self-sufficiency with a dash of male gallantry. Most men here will expect to pay but won’t shy away from letting a girl pay her share when offered. If the woman doesn’t at least make the offer to pay, it can easily be a deal breaker. In economic difficulty, the “gallantry” goes out the proverbial window and it becomes an almost chicken-like stand-off on who will pay the bill with one party or the other conveniently leaving the table to see if the other will lay down the plastic. If you are too gracious as a woman or man, you may not have asked for the date, but you will be paying for it.
§  Pacific Northwest: Independent but pretty on track with whoever does the asking does the paying. (Sam, maybe you can contribute more here if you think I’m not quite right in my interpretation… *grin*)
§  Alaska and Hawaii: I don’t know … YET. Any contributions from the readers?
§  Common Exceptions: Large transient cities, long term relationships (tend to come up with your own system,) The Amish and alternative lifestyles.

It helps in deciphering expectations if you know more about the person you are going out with… if she was raised in the South or by traditional parents, she’ll be shocked if you expect her to pay her share when you ask her out… not because she thinks she is “less than” or incapable of paying, but because — TO HER — it says you don’t want to treat her like a lady and with respect. If he was raised in the Northeast or mountains, offer your share because you know that — TO HIM — you are claiming equality, self-sufficiency and a lack of entitlement. But no matter who you go out with, show gratitude for their time whether they contribute to the bill or not. 
If you did mess up and offend your date with poor bill handling finesse, I don’t know what to tell you other than to let that one go or suck it up and have an open conversation about what went behind your behavior. But it’s hard to go wrong by remembering two things about dating in America:
1.       The asker pays
2.       Graciousness and Gratitude cover a multitude of mistakes

Like I said, there are exceptions to every rule these days, so look for other indicators of ingratitude, being taken for granted, irresponsibility or social inequity. The bill payment issue is just totally mixed up in our country and most people don’t know whether to offer or not or what that might mean to you.
Of course, you can completely dodge the issue by simply going somewhere free.

Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?


Is dating easier for single dads than single moms? A lot of folks in the blogosphere seem to think so.
Chrissy at Glamour’s Storked! laments the marketability of a single dad who appeared on ABC’s Bachelorette. Seems he got a ton of fan mail that Chrissy as a single mom doesn’t get. Her readers jumped right on the band wagon, saying single moms have it tougher than single dads.
Then there’s Matt Logelin, single after his wife tragically passed away with the birth of their child. He wrote that society has mythologized the good single father, and women daily send him emails saying they’d love to be the woman in his life. He posits that a woman in his shoes wouldn’t get the same attention.
Call me the lone dissenter, but dating is NOT easier for single dads than single moms. That’s been my experience, at least, and I’ve been at this game for eight years running.
Now before you break out Occam’s razor and question whether I’m date-able, know that I’ve had post-divorce dating success – a few serious relationships and tons of short term flings. Women tend to like me.
But finding someone to enter my family for the long haul has been a challenge.
I’m guessing Chrissy’s Bachelorette got a ton of fan mail because of the nature of that show. It attracts female viewers who would love a man of their own. Chrissy’s blog caters to moms.
Matt blogs that there are a lot of women who would love to adopt his built-in family. With all due respect to his departed wife, perhaps his being a widower is a factor. Any woman who joins his family will be the woman in his family’s life. For me as a divorced man with half-time custody, any woman joining my family will certainly be the woman in my house, but will take second fiddle to the biological mom when it comes to the kids. Most women want no part of that. (Yes, I realize there are exceptions. But those women haven’t tended to come my way.)
Besides fantasizing Matt as the perfect husband and father, some women might fantasize themselves in the role of nurturing mother and wife. They simply can’t do that with me and my kids. One woman I met on match.com said she wouldn’t date me because if she entered my life, she wouldn’t have a role. The kids already have a mom. I already take care of the family and home. What’s left for her to do?
Plenty more women have told me flat out they won’t date me seriously because they don’t want a built-in family, but then say they’d love to be my booty call friend with benefits.
I’m not saying single dads have it tougher than single moms. I’m saying it’s probably about the same. Dating as a single parent is complicated. Period.
(For the record, my ex-wife is dating someone right now. She’s a single mom. Sure, she has half-time custody and therefore time to date. But so do I. The issue isn’t time, it’s finding someone who accepts our co-parenting two-home situation.)
Which brings me to a bigger point. As a single dad deeply involved in my kids’ lives – caring for them, cooking, cleaning, volunteering in schools, etc. – I run into gender stereotyped discrimination all the time. The schools send notices to mom but not to me. The doctor’s office calls mom but not me. A mom friend who came for a BBQ brought a wagon full of food because she worried I can’t cook (I’m fairly accomplished.) It’s frustrating. Women I’ve encountered see me as different. Their husbands don’t cook and clean and take care of the kids. Instead, those dads tend to work long hours and leave the household and parenting duties to the mom. Some women have even suggested this makes me unmanly. Whatever.
Broad generalizations that lead to societal myths are damaging to involved dads like me as we try to don the non-traditional role of single care provider. (I’ve already said my two cents about DadGoneMad admitting he dreaded alone time with his kids, and I’ve bemoaned the entertainment media for depicting so many deadbeat dads. Talk about setting dads back a century or two.)
Want gender equality? By all means, take it. But with it, let’s leave gender bias out of the single-parent dating debate.


четверг, 26 сентября 2019 г.

Backpage Alternatives: How Tiny Sites Became Big Business

When internet dating first began, it was mainly seen as an outlet for people that could not otherwise get a date…. Butsince the early 2000′s, online dating is much more common and socially acceptable. While eHarmony and Match.com are generally considered to be the market leaders in the industry, “free dating sites” are rapidly gaining in popularity. The free site “Plenty of Fish” has grown dramatically and in February of 2011, drew in over 5.3 million visitors from all over the world.
This new “free” model for online dating, has put a major dent in the business model of subscription sites. But, many in the industry believe that there is still a place for both. There are advantages and disadvatages to free sites, including the ability of any user to access pictures and sensitive information. Some would also say a lower quality of service is found on these free sites.
An “ugly” design has not stopped PlentyofFish in the least. It is continuing to grow at a pace, many other dating sites would envy. The revenues for the site are estimated at over 10 million dollars per year. POF is run with minimal employees, and extremely low overhead. This allows it to directly complete with the industry powerhouses.
Niche Sites
Sites that focus on small interest groups ranging from “pet lovers” to “prisoner penpals”, have also become very popular. Better communication through the internet, allows very segmented groups of people to connect and form bonds. Some tiny, niche dating sites could be characterized as fetish sites, but others do honorable jobs like helping the disabled connect and communicate.

Disabled Online Dating Sites

In recent years, these “micro communities”, centered around the disabled have dramatically grown in populartity. Sites like dating4disabled.com, allow people with disorders like spinal cord injuries, cerebral palsy, or blindness to connect with local single people. Other sites are designed specifically for people in wheelchairs, who are partially or fully blind, or have psychiatric illnesses.
Other backpage dating communities, include:

STD Dating

Some sites cater specifically to people with sexually transmitted diseases. They have been around in one form or another since 2000. The site Positivesingles.com allows users with HIV, HPV, and Hepatitis to meet other people living with these illnesses. These communities are large and help people who might not otherwise be able to find a good romantic match.
In addition to matching singles, communities centered around an illness can partly serve as a support group. This can be very helpful for people that feel they don’t fit into larger online dating communities.
More backpage dating communities, include:

Large Niche Communities

Larger niche sites like JDate or Christian Mingle allow users of a particular faith to connect. JDate focuses on providing an online dating service to the Jewish community. Currently JDate is said to have over 450,000 active members. Currently, there are over 15 major dating sites that specialize specifically in connecting jewish singles. Faith based dating communities are continuing to grow at a quick pace. Christian, Muslim, and Jewish centered sites are the largest active groups.

Other backpage dating communities, include:
Small Niche = Small Community
When users sign up for a membership to a small community, they need to be wary that a real community actually exists behind the pay-wall. Many small sites are not likely to have members of a small niche group, within a user’s local area. Some sites just connect users to a larger database of users which may or may not share the trait they are searching for.

среда, 25 сентября 2019 г.

What Are You Using To Bait Your Hook?

I’ve long been of the opinion that what you do to “catch” someone is what you have to do to “keep” that certain someone. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ve seen me write about it before.
Last week, I was listening to a truly awesome sermon series by Andy Stanley and he expanded on that premise. He was talking about the commoditization of women and how prevalent it is in our culture today. He first made us all laugh by bringing up the fact that every time a dude comes up with a cult idea it includes some divine reason that he needs to have sex with as many women as are currently available. He pointed out that these men effectively make those women a commodity.
“Commodity”: A generic, largely unprocessed, good that can be processed and resold. Commodities traded in the financial markets for immediate or future delivery are grains, metals, and minerals. They are generally traded in very large quantities. See also: single women in typical American dating culture. (last sentence mine)
But then he went on to point out commoditization in the common American dating culture. Where women dress to display their “assets” and men treat women as a disposable good or service to be traded up or down at will. Hello on-line dating. Let’s take Loveawake.com for example. I happen to like Loveawake. It works for a lot of people. But let’s face it, if you don’t have a good picture on Loveawake, you get no attention. And, as a girl, by “good”, I mean… showing some sort of “asset”. Usually baiting the hook with your body… sad but true. It happens. Often.
And I don’t think the single guys are totally un-commoditized either. Many guys bait their hook with pictures of them by expensive cars, on expensive trips and engaging in expensive hobbies. (And yes, lots of pictures holding big fish.) Or by showing off their 6-8-12 pack that took hours of carving at the gym. And I bet, they get a lot of attention because of it.
So, how do you “bait your hook”? Do you commoditize yourself? Have you bowed to the pressure of sending “more pictures” when a guy asked for them? Do you find yourself bragging about your job, income or lifestyle when on a first date? Do you wear something that purposely flaunts your “assets” while out and about?
Andy encouraged a zero tolerance policy for being commoditized. And I have to say, I agree with him. It’s sometimes harder, and at times chancy, to not lead with your “catch all” bait… like looks, wallet or other easily “valued” skill. But I’m thinking that taking the slow road of requiring someone to really get to know you would lead to a better quality of relationship down the line.
We all want to be loved as a unique, one-of-a-kind person rather than just another hot bod or a fat wallet that can be traded for something bigger and better. So, is it worth the risk to narrow the quantity of dates in favor of the quality by baiting your hook with your more intangible qualities?
Or, perhaps you are already there. You’ve switched bait and started fishing for a different kind of fish. If so, what do you think? Have you gotten better relationship results when you bait your hook with something like intelligence or personality? Does it work to try to lead with qualities rather than commodities on on-line dating sites?
Or do you think it’s a hopelessly idealized thought in the modern dating world?
Sources:

It’s Not The Nice Guys Who Finish Last…

You’ve all heard the saying “nice guys finish last.” And I’m betting that many of you have embraced it as truth. If you have, I’m going to make you a bit uncomfortable with this post because I don’t believe it. I do believe that any number of things can hamstring a guy’s ability to “get” the girl, but I don’t think being “nice” is one of them.
First, let’s make sure that your “nice guy” and my “nice guy” definitions line up. I believe “nice” can be defined by a few general characteristics:
  • Someone who believes in doing the right thing by everyone.
  • Someone who is consistent and a man of their word.
  • Someone who is not inclined to say mean/hurtful/judgmental things about others.
  • Someone who treats their partner with respect, trust and love.
  • Someone more along the lines of Tom Hanks than Colin Farrell.
Now, who wouldn’t want the above characteristics in a partner? (Well, I can’t speak for the crazy chick – but if you like crazy chicks then “nice” ain’t gonna cut it anyway.) But aside from the crazies, these are all things that attract the kind of girl a truly nice guy would want for a partner.
So why are “nice” guys finishing last?
There are two bullets that will kill any nice guy chances. Passivity and lack of confidence. Both will stick you permanently in the “friend zone.” Sitting on your hands and HOPING that she’s going to magically fall in your lap…. not gonna happen. The kind of girl that I bet you are gunning for, needs courting from a nice guy “with edge.”
Now, don’t go all Player’s Handbook on me. Not THAT kind of edge. The kind of edge that most girls are looking for goes something like this…
  • If he likes me, he lets me know it.
  • He respects himself enough to not play games AND to not be attracted to game players.
  • He has the kind of confidence that lets me know that I can trust him to be his own man and not be swayed by what everyone else thinks.
  • When he asks me out, he has a plan.
  • He’s not waiting around for life to happen to him.
Basically, we’re looking for an extremely confidant GENTLEMAN.
Your “edge” is all about confidence in yourself and your decisions. Not bragging. Not ego. Just confidence. Do you think you are the confident nice guy and you’re still getting passed over by the girls you like?
Then check back in next week for a post on how to hone your “Nice guy with an edge” skills…

Don’t Waste A Woman’s Time


I believe, women often feel men are time wasters. Women are quick to point out they aren’t playing games and want to know the direction of their interactions with you. There are guys who date only for casual sex, but that’s a waste of time if the woman their with wants something serious. A woman can get laid easily if she wants. I remember one blogger saying, she could yell from her balcony to any guy passing underneath it and ask if he wants to come up; 9 out of 10 times he would.
Don’t waste a woman’s time. This doesn’t mean being late to dates (which you shouldn’t be), but be honest and upfront about what you’re seeking in a relationship. Some women are fine with a casual relationship, other’s are not. Not only are you’re wasting a woman’s time, but you’re wasting your own time and money. This also means choose carefully the route that you’re seeking. If you want something casual, Adult Friend Finder or ALT.com may be the best play to start, opposed to OkCupid or Match.com. Dating coaches won’t help you get laid, they’ll help you find a date.
At the end of the day, make sure you are being clear about your message to other women.

Related Resources:
Pittsburgh Backpage
Honolulu Backpage