I had
brunch with a friend who I haven’t seen in some time today. I detailed by
recent dating history, and during one particular story said, “I screwed that
up!” She quickly interrupted me and said, “You didn’t screw it up, say things
didn’t work out!” It’s the same result, different perspective.
It seems
the unhappier you are, the more single you become. Every act, mistake, and
reasons for being single is magnified 100%. While there are many reasons for
being single, they’re not aways our fault. Sometimes we’ve met the wrong
person, or they weren’t ready for a relationship. To improve our dating
chances, there’s only two things we can work out, ourselves and our attitude.
Both rely on the other to survive.
Working on
yourself seems to be the easiest of the two tasks. A change of clothes, a new
look look or an update a profile definitely help. Working on your attitude is a
tougher task. It usually requires having to change how you perceive things,
keeping a positive outlook and maintaining a sense of discipline to not beat
yourself up too much. This type of change requires more than just a spit shine,
it has to deal with goals, habits, and health.
One aspect
to dating, somewhat touched upon, is our mental health. Whether we are truly
happy with ourselves. Many determine happiness based on whether they are with
another person; others determine it based on the quality of their life. I
believe the latter is the best approach. I tend to dip into the self-loathing,
self-depreciating deep end of the pool. Instead, I should be focusing on the
improvement and possibilities, the “it didn’t wok out” opposed to the “I
screwed up!” (No worries, this is a 2010 goal!) This is often the long term,
heard to deal aspect of dating. There isn’t a happy pill regardless of what
your doctor, or dealer, tells you. This is something that burns within each
person.
Every so
often, I find myself needing to revisit two books, both have helped with my own
attitudes and approach to dating. The core messages from these books are often
used in several popular male dating books. They are “First Things First” by
Steven Covey, and “What Should I Do With My Life?” by Po Bronson. These aren’t
dating books, but time management and life focused books. They deal with many
of the core issues that, I believe, prevents us from achieving our goals.
It’s
important to maintain a happy, positive outlook on dating. As someone told me
in an e-mail, “Dating in New York is like eating glass and expecting your mouth
not to get cut.” Sure it’s hard, but no one ever wants to date a sourpuss.
Sources:
