Moslitski: марта 2021

четверг, 25 марта 2021 г.

Tired of The Yo-Yo

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I pretty much know the answer to this question but I need someone objective to beat it into me. A little over a year ago I became involved in a lesbian relationship with a co-worker. First it was all hot and heavy sex in the company bathroom and sleep-overs almost every night. But because she just had left a long relationship she kept telling me she didn’t want to date.

Sometimes though, calling me her girlfriend, then other times reminding me weren’t “together.” Whenever I seemed to broach the subject, she got jumpy. I don’t know if this is because she just got out of a relationship or because she just wasn’t so into me but it seemed like she was from all the texts and sleeping over. Anyway we had a few major blow-outs that would end with her saying she just wanted to be friends but eventually we’d end up back in bed and seemed to be “dating” again.

A few months ago, after a blow-out I ended up sleeping with a man and getting pregnant. The night before I “took care” of the pregnancy I find out she slept with one of my close friends. I think out of feelings of guilt for what she did and what I was going through, she said she realized she loved me and wanted to “work it out” with me, even bringing up moving in together. Two weeks later I pissed her off and she dumped me….via text message. So there was no “work” behind the “working it out.” My question is should I be angry about getting strung along and why do people do that? And if I’m not over her, how can we friends? Granted we still work together…which majorly sucks! ~In Over My Head~

Dear IOMH: Gracious girl, you ARE in a pickle aren’t you? There is much to say here, but you’re not asking the BSG how to avoid getting into similar pickles next time (although he has some opinions there). Your question specifically is whether you should be angry about being strung along and why people act that way. Good question IOMH.

First it’s important to know that your Fickle Fig wasn’t likely trying to send mixed messages or string you along. She was trying to, as we all occasionally do, balance her head and her heart. Her head was likely telling her (and you, via her mouth) that a relationship was a bad idea, while her heart (and various other parts, apparently) were sending a very different message. This isn’t because Fickle Fig is a bad person, but is just because in order to broker peace between her head and her heart, she had compromised for both.

As this all progressed however, she had the chance to set some better boundaries and chose not to. It’s clear that Fickle Fig isn’t likely to set any useful boundaries where you’re concerned, so you and the BSG both know that it’s up to you.

Based on your experiences with relationships recently, the BSG recommends you spend some time single; hanging out with friends and taking care of yourself after some difficult times. If you miss the physical parts (so to speak) of your relationship with Fickle Fig (or the dude you slept with), well the BSG hears that there are appliances for that…appliances that always set good boundaries and never send mixed messages. ~BSG~

References

Time to Pull The Plug?

When Blogging Backfires

Always the Friend, Never the Good Stuff

Letting Him Down Easily

Guide to Online Personals

Backed Into A Corner

Seeking Perfection

Webtalk Loveawake

Cross-Atlantic Marriage

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dating Advice to the Advice Guy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Searching For a Soul-Mate

When Humor Hurts

What Being Dumped Looks Like

среда, 17 марта 2021 г.

Renovate Your “Social Circle” Closet

Everyone has a story and if you listen carefully to those stories I guarantee that from each you can glean a new lesson or something of inspiration.

Last Friday I marked the decision to not compete with the addition of new tattoo, one that I posted about a few weeks ago. Tattooing is a very soulful experience for me.

It can represent anything from the end of a chapter with a new beginning to a massive shift or learning experience in my life.

This one was not unlike the others. And like all others I became engrossed in a conversation with the tattoo artist.

A deep conversation about life ensued and we found ourselves on a topic that I am not a stranger to, the power of removing negative influences from your life.

She told me a story…one that will leave you speechless and reflecting on your “closet”.

A woman who was morbidly obese lost over 200lbs without so much as lifting one weight or running one block.

Her doctors were confounded and could not understand how without alterations to diet and exercise she was able to do this.

Her answer was simple and powerful, she told them that she simply removed everyone from her life that was had a negative influence or energy around her. Unbelievably what followed suit was the notable loss of weight.

Perhaps you are sitting there thinking it not possible. Let me tell you from first hand experience that the negative people suck you dry, emotional muggers I call them.

The friends who think that it is ridiculous that you want to go to the gym instead of our to eat.

The family member who calls you up just as you are about to go for a run to complain about their life and guilt you into talking to them instead.

The grandmother who makes you feel like a horrible person for not eating her food.

The colleague who taunts you with stressors all day leaving you exhausted and opting to go home and is in front of the tv with a bag of chips.

Indeed you are the one who lets these people affect you. Victimization doesn’t have a home here at How Does She Do It Mom…so you have to own that responsibility.

However with the awareness of what these people do to your life you have the choice to remain entangled in relationships and allow yourself to be affected by them or to take care of yourself.

My “social circle closet” as I call it has been renovated many times.

As I grew people drifted away from me.

As I evolved I lost intrest in placating to the whims of the “Negative Nancy’s” who were doing nothing but trying to bring me down.

As I became more self-assured I lost patience for the “high-school” bullshit that people would levy at me.

My stress level has decreased.

The word “guilt” no longer exists in my vocabulary of emotions.

The relationships that I chose to maintain are with people who are genuine, authentic and who share positive energy with me.

My life has changed inconceivably because of this.

The woman above had a new lease on life.

Perhaps a renovation is in order in your own closet?

How Does She Do It Mom – “The Voice Of The Woman You Used To Be…And Are Looking For”

четверг, 11 марта 2021 г.

I want my husband back

Dear Dr. Ellen: Please tell me how I make myself more and more desirable to win my husband back. He has to give me the chance to prove to him that I have changed. We've not been husband and wife now for almost eight months and separated a total of almost 3 years. I love him more than he can ever imagine. I know he will want me again if he will only open his heart. How do I do that? I know I can. I've made so many wonderful changes in myself and continue to do so! But this loneliness without him gets worse and worse. No one else will, or can ever take his place or even be close to what he is. So, even if I was with someone else, the loneliness and missing him and everything about him would make no difference. - Sally

My husband always gets his own way

What it takes to be a good lover

I have taken my wife for granted

I'm a very critical person

Moving to another country was a mistake

Physical therapist gets too close

My boyfriend is too close to a female friend

My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

Dear Sally: Unfortunately, you have been separated and not lived as husband and wife for a long time. It is easy to live in the past and be in love with the memories you have had together. It is even easier to live in the future and picture your life as it used to be when you were happy together. The problem is that the PRESENT, which hasn't existed for quite some time, doesn't exist. While you are thinking and dreaming about him, your husband has probably gone on to make a new life for himself. Here is the impossible to answer question I always get asked. How can I make someone love me again if he won't talk to me or see me? The answer is, of course, that it is impossible to show him the changes you have made if he will not talk to you or see you. I am going to assume that you have tried and he hasn't responded. There is no way to force someone's heart to open. I am a great believer that if a relationship is "meant to be" then in time the two of you will get back together. The problem for you is, "How do you fill your time until he comes to the realization that you are the love of his life?" You can't speed up the time for him to realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. He may have to experience life without you for the next two, five or even ten years before that happens. In the meantime, continue working on yourself. Keep growing, changing and becoming the best woman you can be, not to get him back, but for your own personal fulfillment. Continue learning from your past mistakes and make wiser decisions and choices in the future.

I always find it amazing that so many couples who are unable to have children finally adopt and then miraculously get pregnant. Once they relax and put their energy and focus into other areas, they wind up with what they couldn't have. I find it is exactly the same for women/men who finally stop waiting for a boyfriend/girlfriend or a husband/wife to come back into their lives. As soon as they fall in love again or pursue a career and stop thinking about the past and are very involved in their current life, the phone rings and there he/she is again. The boyfriend/girlfriend who left, or husband/wife who had an affair, wants to start over again. It seems that when you are busy doing other things and involved in living your life, the very thing that you kept hoping for, magically occurs. Anyone waiting for a phone call knows that as soon as they leave for a second, the phone rings. When you just sit and wait for that phone to ring it never does. So my advice is to get on with your life as if he is never coming back. If he doesn't come back, at least you haven't wasted your life waiting for him. If he does come back, you will have gained valuable life experiences during that time that should help you in the future. - Dr. Ellen

We Need to Talk

Just because the blog is titled A Good Husband doesn’t necessarily mean that I am that all of the time. Even the best of men can fall down and make a mess of things.

Sometimes it’s easy, after marriage has been going smoothly for a while, to become lax. How many guys dread hearing, “We need to talk?” It’s amazing how oblivious I can be about where my marriage is at in the eyes and heart of my wife. I think, and hope for my sake, that many men can identify with this feeling.

If “We Need to Talk” is a surprise to you, then that’s a warning sign. Just because you don’t think the relationship needs work, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t. I’ve found that a wife can figuratively beat her head against the wall trying to get something across to her husband - and he can one day hear it and say to her, “Well why didn’t you tell me you felt this way before?”

I’ve done myself, my marriage, and all of you a disservice. When I started writing, it was with a passion for improving my marriage. As I wrote, many things seemed to resonate with people and this site started to become popular. The allure of popularity is strong. Twitter and other social media sites made me feel like I was really getting better at marriage - when really, all I was doing was becoming a moderately well known blogger.
Becoming a well known blogger is not what makes a good husband. Improving yourself and caring for your wife make you a good husband.

Daily care, devotion, and attention to her feelings - that’s what makes a good husband.

Validating her feelings - making sure she knows that you care about what she thinks and feels - is more important than being right or winning.

She cares a great deal for you, and feeling rejected or belittled makes her feel ill.

Femininity is different than masculinity, and that’s a good thing.

Husbands, when your wife says We Need to Talk, please listen.

All husbands are interested in skipping foreplay, right?

There are hundreds of thousands of husbands the world over who make it regular practice to get out of their own way. One of the biggest traps that husbands can fall into is being too prideful to realize when it’s time to make it about what your wife needs, not about what you want.

A friend of mine and I were talking one day and he told me that he had this great evening planned where he was going to have a guitar lesson and then go race remote control cars. Sounds like a great evening for guys, right? I talked to him the next day and he told me that he ended up canceling the whole evening. When I asked him why, he told me that his wife (who, by the way had her fabulous Nerdy Alphabet artwork featured on Arts Afire) had a bad evening and needed to be picked up. So he just canceled his plans, just like that, to be with her.

Last night when I got home, my wife was knee deep in the middle of writing her final paper for one of her college classes. She’s been sick for a week, so it was extra stress, and our apartment was a mess. Without being asked I decided to clean up. I threw out the trash & the mounds of used tissue, put away the clean & dirty clothes, organized the papers and books, and swept the floor. It wasn’t much, but it made a huge difference in our stress level. Then I left her alone to finish her paperwork.

I updated my Facebook status to say, “Cory is a Tidy Husband.” One of my friends (a guy) asked what that meant, if that had something to do with Kitty Litter? One of my other friends (a girl) gave a rather terse reply saying that it meant that I put away my socks and didn’t act like it was doing my wife a favor.

The difference between the way men and women think, right?

Husbands, do yourselves and your marriage a favor, and get out of your own way. These little acts of service are what marriage is all about. Oh, yeah, and I’ve heard a lot of women say that it’s the best kind of foreplay.

A Good Husband’s Habits

Can parents be lovers too when teenagers are in the house?

Grandmother wants to spend time alone with her grandson who is now part of a new blended family

Son is Not Welcomed in New Husband's Family

Custody of a Troubled Teenager

My Husband Doesn't Trust Me

My Wife Has a Problem With Intimacy

Ex-wife and ex-husband do not agree on daughter's boyfriend

Kids of Interracial and Gay Marriages

It’s A Great Time To Be Single

How to Attract Better Men on Criglist

10 Pieces of Marriage Advice from Don Draper

Signs of a Cheating Husband

It’s unfortunate, but cheating husbands are a reality, and it seems like it’s more permissible now than it ever was to cheat on your spouse.

1. Admit that it’s possible. If you’ve found this page via a search engine, you may already be ready to admit this. If not, then you need to realize that you will probably find any reason to justify your husband’s actions until you can admit that it’s possible for him to cheat.

2. Observe personal behavioral changes. Has your husband suddenly developed an interest in finer clothes, better restaurants, and new activities, and he can’t explain where this interest came from? Has he picked up a new cologne that you didn’t recommend?

3. Working extra hours. Many guys work extra hours, but if his schedule suddenly changes and he is unspecific about what the extra hours entail, then you could have a problem. Extra trips and extra business lunches and dinners can also be a warning sign. If all of the extra hours aren’t adding up to extra pay or extra responsibility (i.e. a promotion), then that could be a warning sign.

4. Observe relationship changes. Was your husband affectionate before and suddenly he stopped? Is he suddenly more affectionate than before? He could be acting out guilt over the affair. Is he ignoring you or stopping conversations short for no apparent reason? Does he appear distracted or is he picking fights?

5. Check the tech. Computers and cellphones leave trails. Check browser histories to see if your husband is visiting dating sites or unknown email addresses. Check cellphone call histories and see if there are repeated calls by numbers you don’t recognize.

6. Reality check. Are you finding hair that isn’t yours? Lipstick? Perfume scents? Collect the evidence and keep a log of it.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is keep a cool head. Jobs ebb and flow in responsibility. Marriage relationships change in their emotional dynamic. Men can develop late life interest in looking better or discovering new hobbies. Just because there is change or challenges, that doesn’t necessarily indicate an affair.

Cheating also don’t necessarily have to mean the end of your marriage. You can recover from an affair, although it can be long and difficult. Marriage is sacred and special, and if your cheating spouse is willing to admit their mistakes and make it work, you can have a long, happy marriage afterward.

I’d love to hear from couples who have recovered from infidelity, or from anyone who knows couples who have been able to put their marriages back together. Leave a comment below or send an email

Related Resources: