Dating and Relationships: It's a Growing Process

Last week I had an interesting conversation with a friend. We discussed the nature and status of our relationships (at the time) and discussed how we’ve grown in our relationship experiences. The conversation made me reflect the entire nature of dating, being in a relationship, and enjoying your time with another person. Very rarely does the first person we date, the first person we have sex with, or our first real love turn out to be the person we end up marrying. Everyone is often in different points of our lives, and mistakes are made: choosing the wrong person, having months of one-night stands, cheating, or not recognizing what we truly want. It’s thru these mistakes we grow, become “better” daters, getting stuck when we repeat the same mistakes.

We often forget that dating andrelationships, isn’t just about finding the right person, but also about growing up.

The way I look at women in my early twenties, is much different from the way I look at them now, several months away from thirty. In the past, I’ve chased after the hottest women, the one with the biggest breasts, the best shape, or the perfect legs. At that time, I wasn’t chasing the woman, I was chasing sex. In chasing sex, I’ve found myself on very bad dates and in very bad positions. Instead of finding women who were right for me, I was finding women who were right for a situation. The women I found and then women I wanted, were two completely different people. In many ways, I had to go thru these learning experience to evaluate what I wanted, and what I was finding.

Here’s a perfect example, if you’re single and you’re going to Vegas, you’re not going to find love. The person you meet in Vegas doesn’t get to come home with you. If you’re going to Vegas to find the one, not only are you delusional, but your priorities may be out of whack. Maybe you should begin looking for someone a bit closer to home (or say work.) What I’m trying to suggest is, at different times in our lives, we seek different things. Sometimes we seek love, other times, lust. When seeking love, you can’t act as if you’re seeking lust; when you do you learn a very powerful lesson, things don’t compute.

One of my dear friends recently told me, “Go forth and fuck!” Her point was more than just romping around New York City with anyone who could move. What she was telling me was to experiment, and not to be afraid of going thru this learning and growing process. That’s what the entire process is about, it’s a growing process.