Long Distance Hang Ups

If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you know how frustrating it is to be hung up on. The worst part about it is that you feel helpless. Not only do you know that the person you love is beyond angry with you, but there is not a single thing you can do to make the situation better. Every time you call, he puts your call through to voice mail. Every time you sign in online, he signs off. Every time you write an email, he doesn’t respond. Long distance hang ups are rather torturous for most people in this situation.

Why does it happen? There are many reasons for this but basically it is because one person is upset and just cannot stand the relationship at the current moment. This is a common feeling, even more so in a long distance relationship. The anger can stem from silly comments interpreted poorly, from disheartening actions from your partner’s side, you had a really bad day or you are simply frustrated with the distance. These situations would make anyone go mad and you can expect to hear a few dead lines of communication before your partner is ready to start anew.

Obviously the best piece of advice is to just avoid the whole hang up situation. Unfortunately, that is a lot easier said than done. If you want to hang up, just try to think about how awful it would be if your partner hung up on you in a fit of anger and how much you would dislike it. Use an excuse, say someone is calling in, that you have to walk the dog, you have plans with your mother, anything that sounds feasible but that can end on a good note. Once you are off the phone, you can take the time you need to get away from the situation without hurting your partner’s feelings.

Once you are ready to communicate, you can talk to that person again and explain the situation clearly and come to an answer. When you are at a distance it is crucial to speak to your partner while you are calm and relaxed so that you can avoid any major emotional blow outs. Long distance relationships certainly take more time to understand and much more effort than an “ordinary” relationship.

References:

Love after divorce: How dating did it for me
 
5 Top Tips for Boosting Your Confidence With Dating
 
Five Biggest Lies Dating Women Believe and How I Overcame Them
 
What Not to Talk About: First Date Guidance
 
Dating Non-negotiables
 
Playing the Dating Game After Divorce
 
Flirting Efficiency – Tips for a Great Web Flirt
 
Toxic Relationships: True Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer
 
To Date or Not to Date a Two-Time Loser
 
About Men: Do You Speak Male?
 
Gay Dating – Finding Love in the Gay Community
 
How to Fight With Your Wife
 
7 WAYS TO WOO WOMEN ON BUMBLE

 

What I’ve Learned in my Thirties

 Even as I was living it, I knew that I would look back at my thirties and know that this would be the most interesting, fun, difficult, and freeing time of my life. So often a woman in her twenties, with notable exceptions, is wrapped in family and societal expectations. You barely know yourself let alone the world yet you have to make decisions that can impact the rest of your life and all you feel like you can handle is matching your lipstick to your nail polish. There are so many pressures of doing “the right thing” and it feels like you have to do everything RIGHT NOW. There is such a sense of urgency to get married, start a family, start a career before you know what the fuck is going on. For me, I was in the wrong career, the wrong marriage, and I wondered why I was so unhappy. In your thirties, you know yourself a little bit better, you know a little bit more of the world, you start to care less about what others think of you. With this self and world knowledge, you can start making better decisions. Its not too late.

Career

• The first thing you have to let go of is that on the back of your college diploma says “for deposit only.” Education is always valuable. You have to keep telling yourself that every time you pay that student loan. So your degree is in marketing and you are a retail store manager. So what, its a paycheck and its kind of in your field. My degree is in English with a minor in Speech Pathology. My second degree is in Education. I worked in the classroom, if you include substitute teaching, for about five years. I worked for an education company developing and grading tests for about four years. I have worked in insurance and finance for the past about seven years and am so much happier. I am also paid a lot better. I have a career path in finance even though I still consider it my “day job.” People give English majors such a hard time, but knowing how to communicate effectively is a very valuable skill. They can train me on the finance stuff, but talking to people about their money is hard work and it is not for everyone.

• Let someone else say something stupid in the meetings, it doesn’t have to be you. There is always someone in the meeting with no filter or internal dialogue. Let that person hang themselves, but you don’t have to give them the rope. Stay out of it and do your job. If you feel you just have to disagree or take up a cause at work, either talk to your manager or an HR representative privately. The whole world doesn’t need to know that you are disgruntled or that a policy sucks. There are a lot of policies in a lot of companies that suck. Its work, suck it up. In your thirties you realize a roof over your head and food on your table is more important than a misguided cause. Sure, if you feel very strongly and it is justified, be a whistle blower. There is enough corruption in the corporations that we need some whistle blowing, but understand that you will most likely just hurt yourself. You can be a sell out, but you don’t have to buy in.

• “Don’t get you honey where you get your money” a country radio DJ said that once. Its true. There are so many sayings about this that you’d think people would learn. Sure, you are with that person all the time and will probably have shared interests, but this could be career suicide and an HR nightmare. If you HAVE to date at the office, be sure that you are up on HR policies and still ask yourself, is online dating that hard?

Keeping Up with the Jones

• Stop. Just stop. Generation X especially has had to weather many a recession dating back to our infancy in the 70’s, the crash of 1989 when we were teens, and the Internet bubble of 2001, and the home mortgage and bank crisis of 2008. If you have a job and can pay your bills, good. That is an accomplishment in itself. There are some lucky bastards out there that seem to be untouched by market trends and other disasters. I bet their shit don’t stink too. Good for them. If you are barely making it, at least you are making it. Stop worrying about social media updates of anniversaries, promotions, new jobs, new houses, and new babies. This is hard for me, especially the anniversaries and babies bit. Try to be happy for them. We all want praise and recognition but, don’t compare your life’s story to someone else’s highlight reel.

Advertisement

 If you like Canadian women, you might also like to visit the following online dating pages ... 

Salmon Arm Loveawake Personals

Bradford Loveawake Personals

Sydney Loveawake Personals

150 Mile House Loveawake Personals

Peace River Loveawake Personals

Family

• This is a tricky one for me. I am a divorced, childless adult who is nearly forty. My dreams of motherhood are pretty much dashed. Sure, it is still biologically possible, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. I have pretty much decided that ship has sailed and have suffered enough about that fact for one life time. Remember, people often will try to justify their lifestyle choices by judging yours.

• Because I am a divorced, childless adult nearly forty, I have no status in my family. None. Although I used to host the occasional holiday, no one is coming to the trendy Northside to my cute, but small one bedroom apartment for a meal no matter how gourmet and delicious the food is or how much the wine and conversation sparkles. Sure, the pressure is off and I clean my apartment mostly for my own sanity rather than the threat of guests. It still hurts that I have to hope I get an invite to my brother’s house and be an addition to his family rather than having a family of my own. It hurts, I won’t lie. But then again, I have consider amount free time and I answer to no one and that is about as awesome as you imagine it to be. I can be a role model of a happy, successful woman, single or otherwise.

• I still want to get married again. Why lie? I loved being married even though my husband literally drove me crazy. It is nice to have a partner and have someone on your side. Of course being single is WAY better than being stuck in a bad marriage. Being in a bad romantic relationship feels like you can’t breathe. I can be a good wife for the right man. I think men who get serious about a woman knows that this is the end game for most of us. If they knew how much they benefited from marriage, perhaps they wouldn’t be so shy about it. When I get remarried, I am not going to be one of those older, second time around embarrassed brides. So, I’m not a virgin. I look bad in white anyway. My next wedding is going to be to a man worthy of me and there is going to be cake, food, booze, flowers, my nieces will be flower girls. There is going to dancing, belly dancers, music, and even fire throwers if I can pull it off. The man in the running to be my next husband knows a lot of creative people. I’m not embarrassed I will be getting married again. I don’t even regret being married the first time. I did nothing wrong. But this next time I’m going to do it right and it will be forever. And there will be cake.

Body Issues

• My weight has varied widely in my adult life. I have gone up and down seventy to hundred pounds at least twice in twenty years. I am going back down. I have been as small as a size 14 and as large as a 24. Right not I am about a size 20 which is my default setting, apparently. I am losing weight now just to avoid diabetes and heart disease, but vanity is still a major factor in my passing up temptation. Only, now I am eating so much better gravy looks and tastes disgusting and pretty much every dessert tastes cloyingly sweet. Gravity and time have been amazingly kind to me. I love my breasts although I am sometimes embarrassed by how big they are. My curves and tiny waist are enviable. My ass is big, round, shapely, like the stuff of rap songs. I don’t like my stomach and I’m working on it but I don’t hate it. Why hate the body which is the lovely, healthy, functional vessel for my soul? I still have a lot of weight to lose and I am trying to give up smoking. I so regret starting in the first place. It is the hardest habit I’ve ever had to break. Now that I like my life, I’d like to be around a lot longer if only to make up for the time when I hated myself, my life, and tried so hard to end it both actively and passively. There is still time to make up for lost time.

Sex

• Sex is so much better in your thirties than in your twenties and I don’t blame my partners for it either. Even though my ex-husband was a closet homosexual, or really, kind of more towards bi on the Kinsey scale when we first met, I’d like to go on record that he was a good lover and he tried his best. Women give points for effort, a lot of points. I am sure there is some biological and physiological reasons for why sex is better for women in their thirties and our much rumored and documented sexual peak not withstanding. But here are some things I have learned about sex in my thirties I did not know before.

• Although the first orgasm takes a bit more effort and more direct stimulation, I am not as afraid to ask for said stimulation and the orgasms after that initial orgasm are stronger and more frequent. Earth shattering is not an understatement.

• There is such a thing as internal and external orgasms, although I don’t think all women know about it but I think most are capable. I think we just tell women not all of us can have vaginal orgasms to make those that haven’t yet feel better about it. Yes, the clitoris is the source for all orgasms and the “G-spot” is not all that elusive and is just the under side of the clitoris. I am physiologically lucky in the my G-spot is not especially deep and is accessible with just one finger or even a modestly endowed partner.

• As far as male size is concerned, there is a point of diminishing returns. There is such a thing as too small where it barely feels like he’s in at all or positions are somewhat limited. But really, if you really love him or want him, you can work with what he’s got. Do not underestimate the power and creativity of fingers and a well placed tongue.

• Swallowing is not necessary.

• Internet porn as ruined just about every man under the age of 35.

• Men over the age of 35 tend to have less “dick-centric” sex, are more giving, and way more appreciative in bed. Instead of keeping score with how many women they have had, they keep score with how often and how well they can satisfy you because they have figured out one women is hard enough.

There Must Be SOMEthing I Can Do!

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I got dumped by my girlfriend of a year and a half, we are both in college and go to school in different states, but the distance was never a problem. I tried to visit her as much as I could and every time I saw her it was nice and we had a lot of fun. Two weeks after I got back things got rocky. And we tried to work them out, but she came to a conclusion that she wants to break up, she said she wanted to “experience new things”. I’m still not sure what she means. She said she wanted to be “single for a while”. I have been trying to move on for some time now it has been about 2 months and I still can’t stop thinking about her. I have the same dream with her in it every night. I miss everything about her, her smell her touch, her voice, her smile. I think what we had was something special, and at one point we both thought that, she had said it many times. She said that “what we have is rare and only comes along once” so I don’t understand why she broke up with me.

I would like to think I was a good boy friend. I sent her a message every morning saying “have a great day! I love you” and every night “Have sweet dreams”. I wrote poems, sent her little gifts just because. When we were going out her friends boyfriends would get mad at me because of the nice things I did. I tried everything I could to make her happy. I never cheated on her, never hit her, never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I like cuddling more than anything sexual. I tried to make her laugh when ever I could. I loved her with all my heart.

Now she seems like she is happy without me, and I don’t believe that she could have gotten over what we had so quickly. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back because I believe we are meant to be together. So I am asking if there is anything I can do to get her back? Or to get a second chance?

If you could help me that would help me so unbelievably much. It would get back a piece of I’m missing. ~Broken Hearted~

Advertisement

If you like to meet Canadian men for online relationships, you might also like to visit the following pages. Chat with men from ….

Quebec

Slave Lake

North York

Markham

Yorkton

Dear BH: The Bitter Single Guy wishes he was there to give you the big hug that you obviously need and to pat you on the back in a comforting way (pat-pat-pat).

Yours is the classic story of being dumped; there’s no other way to describe it. Although it’s certainly of little comfort, the BSG assures you that everyone else who’s out there in Dating Land has felt what you feel today (including the BSG).  Here are some key points:

·         Your main question is how to get her back. Buck up, BH…you can’t have her back. Yes, it’s possible that she could spend some time out there in the big world then decide that you were the best boyfriend ever and come sniveling back into your arms, but if it’s already been two months the BSG thinks it’s unlikely. You’ve been dumped…accept it.

·         You don’t know how she could have moved on so quickly? It’s because she actually started moving on several months ago. It’s not easy being the Dumpee, but it’s also pretty brutal being the Dumper. The BSG is pretty sure that your Departed Damsel thought a lot about breaking up with you before she actually did it. So the reason that Departed Damsel seems so well adjusted is that the last part of her adjustment was the breakup, even though it was only the first part for you.

·         You’re dreaming of her every night? BH you’re breaking the BSG’s heart here! Know that grieving for something lost is a necessary and healthy process that you simply have to go through. You’ll be sad, you’ll have bad dreams (when you can sleep), you’ll be lethargic and generally not very much fun to be around. But believe the BSG when he tells you that it will get better. That said, if you start losing weight because you’re not eating, or if you can’t seem to get yourself out of the house for more than a few days at a time, the BSG strongly recommends seeking professional help to get you through this.  But again…you will get through this.

·         Departed Damsel told you she wants to be single for awhile? Ouch, BH. The BSG knows (as his readers do) what it’s like to be told that she’d rather be with no one than be with you. Here comes the tough message BH, so brace yourself. The BSG doesn’t think Departed Damsel actually wants to be single. He thinks she just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. For that reason, don’t be shocked if Departed Damsel suddenly starts seeing someone else in the next short while.

You see BH, the problem is that while you were deliriously happy in your relationship, Departed Damsel wasn’t. There was something missing for her and she likely spent part of the time you were together trying to get that need filled (whatever it was). None of this is easy to hear BH, but it’s what getting dumped is all about.

OK now it’s time for a little tough love BH. The BSG doesn’t know the details, so he can only respond to what’s in your letter and there’s one little section that concerns him. You sent daily notes of love and encouragement, never forgot an important date, wrote poems, and liked cuddling more than sex? While that seems right out off the Good Boyfriend Manual, the BSG and you both know that sometimes we can have too much of a good thing. BH the BSG wants you to think about whether you were a little smothering in your care and attention? Honestly, the BSG didn’t have any concerns until the ‘cuddling more than sex’ part, because you know…sex is pretty important to lots of people. Like he said, the BSG doesn’t know the details, so just wants you to think objectively about that.

BH, take care of yourself and let your friends be there for you and he promises that one day you’ll wake up and not feel like you’ve been stomped on. ~BSG~