Nobody Ever Cared About Your iPhone

I grew up, like a lot of guys my age, using Apple products.  All through college, I used iMacs in my dorm room.  After college, I saved up and built a video editing system out of an iMac using Final Cut Pro.  So I'm a big Apple fan.

And, man, did I ever hate the iPhone.

Not as a product, mind you.  As a product it was always great, revolutionary, even: within a year, the landscape of the smartphone had changed completely.  No, what annoyed me was the idea that some iPhone owners had that by spending $600 on a phone, they were a magical special person, better than everybody else.  Granted, there have always been Apple snobs, but this was a new kind of Apple snob, a generally useless human being defined almost entirely by a freaking consumer product.  It tells you something that in 2007, the instant this came out, every "social media guru" owned one.

I don't really blame Apple for this kind of person emerging: in the end, they sell products, and making a product seem exclusive is a good way to get people to buy one.  But, of course, unless you limit your product, you can't stay exclusive forever.  And now, the iPhone zombies are freaking out that, ew, poor people can get one prepaid.

Seriously, look up "iPhone Cricket" on Twitter.  Don't do it near anything fragile and don't do it on a computer you can't replace, because you'll probably want to put your fist through something after reading a few tweets joking about poor people and their drug dealers.

So, here it is, iPhone Zombies: you were never special.  No, not even if you got one on AT&T way back in the day.  People were interested in it at first because they hadn't seen one before, but that novelty quickly wore off because you took it out on every possible occasion.

So stop whining, and actually make something of yourselves.