вторник, 31 марта 2020 г.

After Intimacy He Said He “Wasn’t Expecting THAT”


After hitting the sack with her potential paramour, a reader named Jess gave her an intriguing response, and she’s looking for a manslation to try to figure out why. So — why would a man, after sex (in which he participated) say, “I wasn’t expecting that”?


Could be a couple of things. Let’s see if we can figure out which one it is.
Hey Jeff,
I’m a sex-positive kinda girl, never got too hung up on the right number of dates before sex (yeah, ok, first date if the mood was right), have lots of tales and very few regrets.
Freaking hurray, yahoo, and huzzah for “sex-positive.” People would have so much more fun if they’d just have more fun. Safety first, mind-blowing fun second. Puritanical prudery, like, 900th.
Several times, I got a response from a guy that just baffled me, tho, so I just gotta ask.
Hey, if it’s only several times that you were baffled, bravo. Personally, I spend the vast majority of my day baffled.
Now, I’ve been known to INSPIRE unexpected behavior, but I am not a dominant and I certainly never forced a guy to do what he didn’t want to do. It’s a go-with-the-flow thing for me, if I’m feeling it. Which means, while I will enthusiastically meet him halfway, I typically let him initiate.
SO - what does it mean when he says, afterwards, “I wasn’t expecting that” ?
Ah, the oooold, “What the hey!? How on EARTH did THAT get in THERE?!”
If I had only heard that once or twice, I wouldn’t think twice, but I’ve heard that, well, more than once or twice :)And it always put me off. Like, he didn’t know foreplay might lead to sex?
Nope.
Like, he’s disappointed I said yes?
HEAVY on the nope.
Like, I went from madonna to whore?
Nah, I don’t think anyone still currently alive has this archetype in their head. If anyone ever did.
Like, I was the only one there?
This one, I don’t follow. But it’s not that either.
Or what??? When I hear this, it feels like he’s trying to weasel out of some kind of responsibility for Something .
I think we might have a winner. More in a sec…
… and I thought we just had a good time. There’s no one around the corner with a shotgun, dude…
Oh, like you know that for SURE?
On one occasion, I heard it BEFORE the deed. Seemed somehow to make a positive difference.
Interesting. And your gut reaction was likely right. A guy says, “I wasn’t expecting we were going to do what we’re about to do,” and it likely means that he’s psyched to go through with it. A guy who says it afterwards likely didn’t say SQUAT beforehand, for fear of spooking the prey.
Now, I have a not-boyfriend who’s my kinda guy… we giggled through the morning after sex (what was your name again?), and three months later have survived our mutual commitment-phobic hysteria, with, you guessed it, break-up sex, no wait, make-up sex. Never once have I heard “I didn’t expect that” from him, so this is not a current crisis. Just a curiosity.
Dear Jess,
Well, as I indicated above, I think your gut reaction was likely on the money. Not just because of my own experience with this phrase, but because you said that it was “off-putting.” I trust your instinct on this one. I mean, is it possible that a guy would say this and it wouldn’t mean he’s trying to back out the door? Of course, sure. He could just be informing you of his lack of precognition, sure. And there are some situations where a guy just wants to let you know that he wasn’t trying to pressure you or anything.
But not mostly. Lots of times, this is one of those code phrases.
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED…AND…UH…IT MIGHT NOT CALL
The manslation of “I wasn’t expecting THAT” after sex is usually that his brain is scrambling for the right thing to say. His mind, in these cases, is working overtime because his expectation is that for most women, sex = commitment (of some kind or another.) Right or wrong, that’s what a lot of guys think.
(Now, in your case, it happens to be wrong. You do it when you feel like it, and there may or may not be ANYthing attached to it besides the fact that, you know, sex is FUN. Which, you know, bravo YOU.)
Anyway, when a guy says this, it’s basically a VERY non-committal way to say, “Gol-ly, ma’am! That sure was fun!” even if he isn’t Gomer Pyle. He wants to let you know:
a.) He enjoyed it,
b.) He wasn’t expecting it, but most importantly
c.) Because he wasn’t expecting it, he should be given status as an innocent bystander of YOUR intention to have sex, and should therefore not be expected to maintain anything.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU NOW KNOW MORE THAN HE DOES
Ten bucks says that most times the guy who says this has zero clue that this is what’s happening. It’s yet another one of those moments where he’s talking, but even HE isn’t listening. Follow his lead — don’t listen. This phrase doesn’t mean what it says, so don’t even listen to it.
Good luck, Jess. Sounds like you’ve found yourself a guy who DOES expect it, and I’m guessing he gets it, so forget all about this phrase. But if you hear it again, have some fun and say in your best Beverly Hillbillies accent, “Gawrsh, me neither. Ah guess we’d best get down to the preacherman ‘n git hitched right quick a-fore muh pappy gets home!”
Oh ladies…ever heard this one? Did the guy stick around afterwards?
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вторник, 24 марта 2020 г.

When you are Having a Bitter Divorce


Sometimes, it’s interesting how technology can be used, even in peoples’ private affairs. If you want to end a relationship, you can simply text or send an e-mail. If you are feeling depressed over a split from your partner, you can start a blog to vent your frustrations and loneliness.


Cragislist Dating

And if you are going through a bitter divorce, you can resort to YouTube to reveal sordid details of your ex’s life. Well, if you have read the news, a British actress uploaded a YouTube recording which discusses the divorce she was having. Once married to the largest theatre owner on Broadway, she used YouTube to reveal embarassing details of her ex-husband’s private life such as how she found Viagra, porn and condoms belonging to him.
I guess when you are feeling revengeful or want a better deal out of the divorce proceedings, you simply don’t care if what you are going to broadcast will be watched by millions worldwide. Maybe this would be the trend of future divorce cases, who knows? Divorce, YouTube style!
Anyway, I think it is only common to have a tinge of bitterness when our marriage ends in divorce. But sometimes, how we come out of it also depends on our own emotional maturity. If we set out purposely to embarass our ex over the public media, it would also reflect badly on us, isn’t it?
Your message indicates that you think that if a man dislikes a woman’s shady sexual past, he must therefore be insecure. I disagree and note that there is a world of difference between being insecure and being disgusted by a particular woman’s extremely skanky past.
OP, I think what you’re worried about is not her previous job. It’s what it makes you wonder about her character. Why that job? Why did she stay in it so long? How does she view sex, relationships, fidelity? Ask those questions, the ones that are at the heart of your unease.
I also think you need to know that a disproportionate number of young women of your generation have been involved in some part of the sexual entertainment industry. Y’all grew up a time where there’s this pretense that it’s all good and all free with no consequences. That’s not true as you can see now. But it’s part of what your generation is dealing with. Be kind and generous and fair about it OK?
I worked as a waitress in a strip club once upon a time ago. I only lasted about two weeks, because I couldn’t take the constant barrage from men attempting to buy off my personal boundaries. Personally I find it hard to believe that the OP’s girlfriend lasted three years working in a strip club without ever being seduced by making easy money doing a little side action. That said, does it matter? I don’t think it should. (Though to be honest, if someone I were dating revealed that he was a male hustler back in the day, I don’t think that would sit too well with me.)
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вторник, 17 марта 2020 г.

Broaden Your Vision, The Whole World Belongs To you

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bible. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, “Grandpa! I try to read the Bible just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?”
The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, “Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.”
The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, “You’ll have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again.
This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
Read
At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.
The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, “See Grandpa, it’s useless!”.
“So you think it is useless?” The old man said, “Look at the basket.”
The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.
“Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bible. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of GOD in our lives.”
“Celebrate Life. Care for others and share whatever you have with those less fortunate than you. Broaden your vision, for the whole world belongs to you.”dummy adsense deluxe code

Dating Frustrations


There are so many single people frustrated when it comes to their dating situation.  I wish I had a magic bullet to come up with one solution that would work for everyone to improve their love life. A year ago I was looking for the magic bullet myself.  The bottom line is you have to be in it to win it.  You need to stay open to new ideas of ways to meet new people. If the internet dating isn’t working for you let your friends and co-workers know that your willing to be fixed up if they know of someone.  Or, how about joining a sports group such as a skiing or volleyball club.  Find what interests you and research what organizations are out there to join.  In the next coming weeks I will post more ideas for finding your soul mate.  The bottom line is there is work and energy on your part to make this happen.
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вторник, 10 марта 2020 г.

Should you be auditioning to be some guy’s wife?


I’ve seen this quite a few times, and it drives me nuts.
Girl dates boy. Girl moves in with boy. Girl works a demanding full-time job, yet takes over all the cooking and cleaning for boy. It’s not the living together I object to but the idea that some women automatically assume the scut work in a relationship. (And the fact that it very often leads to resentment and
gets her nowhere.)

Case in point: A very attractive friend of mine just won a promotion at work, she’s studying for her Master’s, and she’s been living with her boyfriend for a couple of years.
Him? He’s no great shakes. By all accounts, his mother is way too involved in his life. He works in a dead-end job. Oh, and he says he isn’t ready to get married.
My young friend knows what she wants (a promising and fulfilling career and a husband she can have children with), and this guy just doesn’t. So, I wonder (and her mother wonders and her grandmother wonders and her friends wonder) why she’s making this man’s dinner and cleaning his toilets?
We can see it — but she can’t — that there’s an excellent possibility that a more intelligent fellow is out there with a promising career of his own, who’s actually happy to empty a dishwasher, looking forward to having children, and hoping to meet someone just like her.
But she’s wasting time with Mama’s Boy. Granted, she does love him, but that certainly doesn’t guarantee that he’ll ever be ready to marry her.
My dearest hope is that she’ll reclaim her life and move into another place with a new roommate. She doesn’t have to break up with Mama’s Boy, but she would be so much better off exploring her options.
And letting him clean his own toilets.
Okay. There’s a lot going on here. Let’s first address his relationship with his married friend.
So, long time readers know that my closest friend is a guy and that he’s married. He lives in Boston, I live here, we never see each other but we talk regularly. It’s my opinion that his friendship with me compensates for things lacking in his marriage. This kind of dependency has made me increasingly uncomfortable. As such, I’ve taken measures to draw some boundaries. Just because I engage a married friend who has been in my life for almost 20 years doesn’t mean I don’t value marriage. Your boyfriend didn’t sleep with this woman. So he says. I would take that to mean that he does respect marriage. You’re never going to know if he did or didn’t. Either you believe him or you don’t.
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