I’ve seen this quite a few times, and it drives me nuts.
Girl dates boy. Girl moves in with boy. Girl works a demanding full-time job, yet takes over all the cooking and cleaning for boy. It’s not the living together I object to but the idea that some women automatically assume the scut work in a relationship. (And the fact that it very often leads to resentment and
gets her nowhere.)
gets her nowhere.)
Case in point: A very attractive friend of mine just won a promotion at work, she’s studying for her Master’s, and she’s been living with her boyfriend for a couple of years.
Him? He’s no great shakes. By all accounts, his mother is way too involved in his life. He works in a dead-end job. Oh, and he says he isn’t ready to get married.
My young friend knows what she wants (a promising and fulfilling career and a husband she can have children with), and this guy just doesn’t. So, I wonder (and her mother wonders and her grandmother wonders and her friends wonder) why she’s making this man’s dinner and cleaning his toilets?
We can see it — but she can’t — that there’s an excellent possibility that a more intelligent fellow is out there with a promising career of his own, who’s actually happy to empty a dishwasher, looking forward to having children, and hoping to meet someone just like her.
But she’s wasting time with Mama’s Boy. Granted, she does love him, but that certainly doesn’t guarantee that he’ll ever be ready to marry her.
My dearest hope is that she’ll reclaim her life and move into another place with a new roommate. She doesn’t have to break up with Mama’s Boy, but she would be so much better off exploring her options.
And letting him clean his own toilets.
Okay. There’s a lot going on here. Let’s first address his relationship with his married friend.
So, long time readers know that my closest friend is a guy and that he’s married. He lives in Boston, I live here, we never see each other but we talk regularly. It’s my opinion that his friendship with me compensates for things lacking in his marriage. This kind of dependency has made me increasingly uncomfortable. As such, I’ve taken measures to draw some boundaries. Just because I engage a married friend who has been in my life for almost 20 years doesn’t mean I don’t value marriage. Your boyfriend didn’t sleep with this woman. So he says. I would take that to mean that he does respect marriage. You’re never going to know if he did or didn’t. Either you believe him or you don’t.
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