Are Emotional Leeches Bleeding You Dry?

There are so many terms for ‘bad people’ that influence you in such negative ways.  Emotional leeches, psychic vampires, the hystericals and drama queens (a.k.a. social vamps).  We all have them in our circumference.  Many of us have to deal with them on a daily basis.  What a lot of us don’t take into account, however, is how they can affect our moods, personalities and even our health if we give them too much sway.  Our guilt plays a gruesome game between our conscience and our own needs- usually with guilt getting a leg up, over and under our skin.

It’s actually got a psychological term that’s been scientifically proven:  emotional contagion.  Think back through the years to all of those you’ve known that were needy, clingy, continuously vicious and enraged, the people that once you left them you felt absolutely drained.  You were in a good mood, and it can take less than minutes for a ‘negative’ personality to wipe that joy slate clean.  They might have even left you feeling downright surly.  Neuroscience says that deeply unhappy people infect others, because we are subconscious mirrors to those around us.  Spending a lot of time with certain people, we pick up their gestures, their phrases and eventually their behavior.  We’re unconscious mimics- or unconscious hosts.  Identify the types:

• Emotional Leeches: these are the people that are always in need, always come to you for advice, phone you up, and never solve their problems.  They feed off of your sympathy and kindness, coming back for more.  In extreme cases, they may even go the serial liar path just to have a constant influx of badness.  They can be friends, co-workers or family.  The only thing that matters:  they’re sucking the glee out of you, walking away feeling ’so much better.’

• Psychic Vampires: a sub-let to leeches, they’re more specified and professional.  They have, dunno, special needs?  These are people who need to start arguments, or flirt outrageously, or those that kill everyone with kindness and then lap up the guilt.  They only feel satisfied if they get the ‘required’ response.  They walk away from the encounter with relief, while you’re left reacting.

• Drama Queens: they can’t exist without an audience.  They can be awkward, embarrassing, bullying, over-running the conversation to be ‘me, me, me’ focused and are pretty obnoxious. Part of the reason they become part of our lives is that initially they can be fun. Entertaining, even, if we feel a little bored.  Unfortunately, they never let up.  They’re insensitive to anyone’s needs, and tend to throw tantrums if they’re even mildly not paid attention to.

• The Hystericals: an off-shoot of drama queens.  Hystericals notch it up 2 decibels.  Ranting, raving, screaming, crying at the drop of a hat, inappropriate laughter that rings hours after a meeting.  It’s always the end of the world for these people.

https://fredatingadvices.weebly.com/blog/internet-dating-rejection

http://www.juntadeandalucia.es/averroes/centros-tic/21700381/helvia/bitacora/index.cgi?wIdPub=335

http://www.smartbiz.com/blog/entry/2030

http://www.asianart.com/eventscalendar/index.php?method=Detail&Id=8007

https://wfc2.wiredforchange.com/o/8001/p/salsa/web/blog/public/index.sjs?blog_entry_KEY=1679

https://www.soyuz.ru/profile/2981/blog/161

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http://drill.lovesick.jp/drilldata/index.php?singlesmen

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http://www.bastis-tourism.info/index.php/Special:AWCforum/st/id1235/#post_32684

http://inct.cnpq.br/web/vietnam/home/-/message_boards/message/2805909

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https://www.vs.ch/web/forum/forum/-/message_boards/message/8684251

https://vmrcre.org/forum/-/message_boards/message/242584

https://bbwfreedating.blogspot.com/2020/08/viewing-internet-dating-profiles.html

https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/08/you-can-always-count-on-your-girlfriends.html

https://koslitksi.blogspot.com/2020/08/facing-your-fears-about-dating.html

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There is good news, though- if you attract them, it means you’re generally happy and stable.  Getting rid of them is tough on guilt-trips but you have to stay strong.  Limit contact, if you can’t sever it completely.  They’ll keep trying to come back.  Don’t waver.  Just remember:  happiness is the left side of the brain and it’s logical.  Anger, resentment or depression are all right-siders, and they’re irrational.  Cleansing yourself of external negativity means you’re in the right frame of mind, even if your head’s a southpaw.

The Trap Of Online Dating

 

Many times people talk about studying picking extensively and having it bring them to a dark place or they get burnt out from doing it.   I think its extremely important to look at why this happens so it doesn’t happen to you.

Some people as they become more and more successful start to realize that no matter how many women you have sex with, it isn’t making you happy its not the answer.  You started out with this grand goal of being able to go out to a bar or club and date beautiful Baguio women.

After practicing extensively you achieve that goal, you start to have more and more success, but then realize that having more women in your life is not the answer.  The same old depression and sadness hits and you don’t know why.  This is the trap many guys who get good with this stuff fall into.

The reason for this is that studying pick-up and quite frankly doing anything from a perspective of lack of will lead to this path.  If you are doing it because you never got it or if you are trying to fill a hole in your life with women then no matter how many women you bed, still that hole will remain.

The need and lack of is a terrible way reason to do something.  The negative motivation that you put on yourself can only carry you so far until the negative snap back effect appears.  Then you lose your drive and will to go forward and find yourself stuck back at the beginning again.  Still wanting even with your new found ability.

On the flip side when you do something because you love to do it.  You desire the experience and enjoy the process then what ever your doing will feel good to do.  You can continue to move forward positively and feel good about the process, which is extremely important.

I think its really important to not only approach pick-up as a process but learn to enjoy the process.

If you are out looking (hunting) for that one hot girl then your entire mentality will sabotage your game.  How ever if you are out being social and enjoying the experience of being social, then when that beautiful women who you would love to meet appears, you can easily go right up to her and meet her.

All in all I think it is extremely important to learn pick-up because you enjoy women, if your coming from a place of lack where part of you resents women or anything like that then you should probably seek professional help but on the flip side of that if you want wild success and to learn pick-up you should seek my help.  Yes shameless self plug.

Anyway get on the newsletter for more great tips right now, just enter your name and email below.

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Why You Are Not Approaching Women (The Real Cause)

I sincerely believe the #1 cause of under-achievement and lack of success with women is not approaching or interacting with women enough.

Here are 3 excuses that we all have at least once in our lives which is used for not approaching:

“I don’t know what to say”

“I’m afraid”

“It was the wrong context” (or logistic excuse: she was seated, she was on the phone, a friend came just before I approached, I don’t have the time etc…)

But, I can say for sure that it has NOTHING to do with any of these.

You see, the reason as to why you’re not approaching is simply that you don’t have any INTEGRITY. Yes, no integrity, zero, nada.

I can hear you saying: “But DRH, I’m an honest and moral person and by the way what does it have to do anyway with pick-ups?”

Everything, my friend.

Let me explain.

I’m not talking about integrity as being honest, I’m talking about keeping your word. Simply said: doing what you say you will do when you say you’ll do it. Most people are conditioned to only keep their words when they’re paid to do so or if there’s a risk for not doing it.

Corporations have more powers than countries because they’re big machines that make people keep their words and do what they’re supposed to do, when they’re supposed to.

But, outside of work or school, what makes you keep your word?

You read a post on Sunday night about a guy who met his new girlfriend after approaching her in the subway.

You get excited, you know that it’s possible, this is what you want, you know you deserve it like anybody else and you say to yourself: “Tomorrow I’m approaching the next hot girl I meet in the tube!”

It’s Monday morning, you’re on the platform waiting for your train to go to work and there is this stunning blonde. You find her attractive. You’re a great person with a good heart and you know that you just want her even though she’s a stranger.

But then, you realize that she looks “upset”, like “she doesn’t want to be approached” and you have to be at work at 10 a.m. and you don’t want “to take the risk to be late” thinking after all “she will be there tomorrow”.

So, you don’t approach her and you’re at your desk at 9:30 a.m. sharp.

You have kept your word to your boss but you haven’t kept your word to yourself. And my friend, that is the only reason you’re not at the level of freedom, enjoyment and power with women that you know you deserve to be in.

When you start keeping your word with yourself and constantly do what you say you will do when you say you’ll do it, magical things will start to happen.

Every frustration that I have had or still have in my life is down to one thing and one thing only: not keeping my word by not doing what I know in my heart I should do. Oppositely, every success and enjoyment is the result of having absolute integrity and keeping your word.

Approaching is not about overcoming fear, having the right opener or doing things right. It’s being true to yourself and to what you want. If you want her, then keep your word and at least give yourself the opportunity to get her. She certainly can reject you, but all that matters is that you keep your word by approaching.

INTEGRITY is the bottom line.

Ask a Pick-up Artist: How to Pickup Girls In Class

 

Hey guys – I’m pleased to announce the introduction of a new section:  Ask a Pick-up Artist.  Each week we’ll be reaching into our mailbag and answering a question sent in by one of our readers.  For details on how to submit a question, see the bottom of this post.

I’m in college right now and I’m studying pickup.  I’ve been using it around at parties and pubs, but I don’t know how to do this stuff in class.  When I think about it, I freeze.  Can you give me some advice on pickup in a college class room?

I think picking up girls in class actually puts a lot of advantages on your side.

First, you have a context to work from – you’re in class together.  You go to the same school.  So as far as context is concerned, you have all the reason in the world to talk to them.

Plus, depending on the classes you’re taking, you probably have a good amount of women to choose from.  This is less often the case for engineers, but I would imagine you at least have some women to choose from if you’re asking this question.

I think one of the things that can contribute to the “freeze up” effect is when you fixate on a particular girl in the class and want to cook up a scheme to pick her up.

Approaching pick-up with this mindset can work against you since it’s very easy to start attaching meaning to the success or failure of the interaction.

In fact, one of my big traps with pick-up was the sense that I wasn’t “prepared” to do it correctly.  So instead of just trying stuff and improving as I went along, I would keep telling myself I needed more preparation and spent my time studying pick-up instead of trying it.

Some things to keep in mind about the classroom:  It’s a social environment.  People see other people and how they act, hold themselves, etc.

So being relaxed and having good body language in the class room would be helpful.

You do need to make sure your body language is relaxed and comfortable though.  I knew this one guy who studied body language and he had read that it was good to “take up space”.

So this guy was sitting in a seminar room, completely sprawled out and taking up as much space as possible.  Only problem was he looking incredibly uncomfortable doing it – it was as if he had an invisible gun to his head and was told he needed to take up as much space as possible “or else”….

But if you can adopt being comfortable in your own space without being over-the-top, it will help.

The next thing to consider is what it would be like to be social in class.  If your status quo is to walk in, sit at a desk and isolate yourself from everyone, then it’s no wonder that you would freeze up when you want to talk to a girl in class:  It’s completely against your habits and standard way of acting.

If that connects with how you are in class, I would encourage you to broaden your scope beyond being successful at pick-up in class to being social in class.  Talk to girls.  Talk to guys.  Talk to everyone you’re sitting around and strike up conversations with everyone and anyone before and after class.

There are many side advantages to this:  You’ll meet people.  You may get invited to parties.  You may make friends with someone who is just a great person to be around (girl or guy).  And that friend might have hot girl friends, which is always a plus.

But the biggest benefits (from a pick-up perspective) is that you will get used to socializing in class as your standard way of being.  Plus, others will observe you as a social guy, so when you approach them and talk to them they’ll recognize your actions as “social” and not as an unusual break in your habits.

Another thing to consider is that your conversations can be just little snippets of conversation.  Maybe you only talk to any one person for 2 or 3 sentences of interchange, but you spoke to 5 or 6 people in class that day.  Next time you have class together, it will be that much more familiar for you all to talk again.

I wrote a book last year with Legend about pick-up and the dynamics of being a college PUA (through parties) called House Party PUA, where I go deeper into establishing yourself as the social guy and how to translate it into pick-up success.  The book is geared toward throwing your own parties or being successful at other people’s parties (even if you’re not in college).  I think you would be able to apply a lot of what’s in there to your current situation.

Hope it helps,

If you want to know more about how to Pickup Girls In Class, read these amazing in-depth articles:

https://www.soyuz.ru/profile/blog/707

http://muree.psut.edu.jo/Lists/WebsiteSurvey/DispForm.aspx?ID=2251

http://www.juntadeandalucia.es/averroes/centros-tic/21700381/helvia/bitacora/index.cgi?wIdPub=200

http://araiza.sakura.ne.jp/icumessiah/index.php?kiwi

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https://comunidadbilingue.educa2.madrid.org/alojamiento-y-trabajo/-/message_boards/message/30369680

https://www.vs.ch/web/forum/forum/-/message_boards/message/8642918

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https://www.globethics.net/fr/network/globethics.net-forum/-/message_boards/message/26839394

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http://www.scientix.eu/es_ES/web/scientix-cop-4/topic-1/-/message_boards/message/940959

https://dariah-sg.irb.hr/forum/-/message_boards/message/21143

http://inct.cnpq.br/web/vietnam/home/-/message_boards/message/2800571

https://bbwfreedating.blogspot.com/2020/08/getting-good-with-women-can-be-brutal.html

https://koslitksi.blogspot.com/2020/08/how-i-get-into-state-with-my-wing.html

https://abouemilytjane.blogspot.com/2020/08/sexual-priming-experiment-threesome-i.html

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Staying friends with FWB?

 

Hi Guys,

You have really sane and reasonable answers to some of life’s sadder and more confusing issues. I recently broke it off with a FWB (Friends with Benefits). I was developing feelings for him and while he didn’t make it clear that he didn’t have feelings for me, I take it that he would have pursued me if he did. He didn’t.

Is it ever possible to have a friendship in this situation or is it just too awkward for everyone? Am I just kidding myself and hoping that by hanging around he will develop feelings for me? We weren’t really great friends before we hooked up—we had known each other for a while and the timing was right for a fling.

Also, I found out he told his friends about me. My nickname is Amanda “hug n kiss.” (Ouch!) When I mentioned to him that I told my friends about our situation he got defensive and kept saying, “What did you say to them?!” (Just thought you should have this information.)

Thanks. You guys are awesome,

Amanda

Dear Amanda,

It is possible to become friends with an ex-FWB, but we would strongly advise against it in your situation. Why? We don’t think it will be good for your emotional well-being because we don’t see this developing into anything more. Sure, if you hang around for a bit, he might decide he wants to hook up again, but it’s pretty clear from what you’ve said, that he’s not interested in anything more than a FWB.

Can we be brutally honest? (Sorry, but we’re just trying to be supportive. We think you need to hear this.)

He and his friends are making fun of you if they refer to you as Amanda “hug n kiss.” In fact, his friends may even be making fun of him by giving you that moniker. Factor in his strong reaction when he found out you told your friends about him and clearly he is not respecting you. Bottom line Amanda: This is not a healthy situation for you, and will only get worse if you stick around. This is your call, but you need to give this some serious thought. We’re really sorry we couldn’t be more positive.

In general, we’re not fans of FWB arrangements for this very reason. Our advice would be to find a man who loves and respects you and not settle for less.

THE GUYS

If you want to know why it sometimes looks like the alpha male is getting the girl, read these amazing in-depth articles:

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3 Reasons I Don’t Use Indirect Approaches

1 Simple Tip On How To Be Mysterious To Polish Women

What If Someone Sees Me Approaching a Girl?!?!

What It Doesn’t Tell You About How To Meet Beautiful Women

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He Says I’m Amazing; So Why Did He Leave?

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Should I Pack my Things And Leave?

Guys and Pink: A brief history

 GUYS love pink! Yes it’s true. We know most people are under the impression

that pink is a forbidden color for us, but that’s a misconception we’d like to clear up
today.

We’ve had a long and wonderful relationship with Pink since
we were kids. And we plan on nurturing that relationship as long as Pink will
have us. So let’s start from the beginning.

Our love of Pink started when we opened our first pack of
baseball cards. That hard stick of gum
would slide out between the cards to our six year old delight. It usually took at least ten packs to find our favorite players, so that's how many sticks we would end up chewing! It was little boy bliss blowing bubbles and having them pop and stick to our faces!! As you can see, Pink was already beginning to take hold. And little did we know she
would never loosen her grip.

Pink continued her imprint on our “still forming” minds when we made our first
trip to the Town Fair. Even with the two headed cows, the bearded lady and the
smallest deer in the world, our fondest memory was sucking down Cotton Candy until
it made us sick. We were amazed, and still are today, at how that
wonderful sticky, Pink thread would shrink twenty times its original size as soon as it came in contact with our mouths. To us, that’s still one of the marvels of the
modern world. And for that, we give all the credit to our love, Pink.

During the rest of our childhood, we encountered Pink in
many more shapes and sizes.

Pink Lemonade

Pink Erasers

Pink Rubber Bands for shooting

Pink Bows on our first crushes

All of these things just added to our love for Pink.

But what about now? Yes, our love continues, but now as adults our relationship with
Pink is much more complicated.

Let's look at clothes for example. Wearing pink is a risky venture at best. It CAN be pulled off, but only
if it's done exactly right. In this case, Pink needs to take a back seat and become
an accessory. That means it’s part of a cast in which it is clearly a
role player. Cool jackets and ties get top billing and Pink provides the backdrop so the rest of the ensemble shines. Why don't more GUYS attempt this? Because only the
confident GUY can make it work. That would be us!(We hope!)

So where else does Pink play a role in a GUY’s life?  It’s a very easy and obvious answer: WOMEN.

Women and Pink are truly one entity and we love them both.

When a women blushes her cheeks turn Pink(not red) and then we know we might
have a chance.

When she wears the color Pink we marvel at how it makes her so feminine……in all the good ways.

When we picture her beautiful Pink lips kissing ours, we
shudder with anticipation. 

When we……hold on, hold on……we'll stop before we get ourselves too worked up….you get the picture.

So to sum up. Pink may be the most relevant color in our lives and we will always love her, as long as she'll have us.

THE GUYS

ps And if for some reason, Pink rejects US, we’ll be over in the corner eating fat, juicy steaks with
the tender, juicy PINK middle. 

What color does it for you and why? Please leave us a comment. We hope to be inviting guests for next week.

Sources:

Ako sa držať za ruky s dievčaťom

Ako získať viac skúseností so ženami

Ako dostať svoju priateľku k oblečeniu

The Psychology of Hats

We're gearing up for a camping trip this weekend. This is the relaxed kind of camping, where there's actually a bathroom a hundred feet from our site. No need to be a hero. Some of the hard core GUYS think we're total wimps, but we just want to have a good time. That includes having the car NEXT to the site in case it starts pouring. And other amenities too. Like the ability to LEAVE the campsite and eat a good meal out, in case we can't get the fire started.

But since we're going to be in the great outdoors we thought it appropriate to talk about hats today. OK, not the greatest segue, but here goes anyway.

Dear Guys,

My boyfriend wears a hat all the time. He wears them when we
go out to a restaurant or to parties. He does look cute in them, but he never
takes them off. And he’s got a bunch of different ones that he rotates. What
should I think about this? Are there other guys like this?

 Monica, North Carolina

 Dear Monica,

Some guys wear hats as a way to create an identity or make a
fashion statement. All of THE GUYS do wear hats, but usually it’s because we
need some protection from the sun, or we’re playing sports, or most likely we
HAVEN’T showered. We’d say generally, wearing a hat is an easy way of dealing
with the day without having to clean ourselves up. We’re hoping that’s not why
your boyfriend wears his. Going weeks without soap is never a good thing.

 Have you brought the subject up at all? If so, what was his

reaction? We say this a lot, but communication is the key. If you’re not sure
how to broach the subject, try starting with a positive. Something like, “You
look so cute in your hats.” “Did you always wear them as a kid?” Get him to
start talking and then ask him about wearing them out with you. And then tell
him you don't love it when he wears them out on a date with you. If he doesn’t like it, well at least he knows where you
stand. You’ll have a much more honest relationship if you talk about this. And
that’s always the best policy in our minds. You know he might think you like
his look since you are dating him. If you tell him otherwise, he may be
happy to leave them at home.

 We just have to ask. Does he really wear them ALL OF

THE TIME?

 THE GUYS

Additional Resources:

TEXT LESS, ROCK MORE DATES

7 CONVERSATION TOPICS THAT RUIN FIRST DATES

THE FAST WAY OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE

CHRISTIAN ONLINE DATING SITES: WHICH IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

Worst and Best Pickup Lines EVER!

Date Movies to Get You Laid

Over 50 Online Dating: 5 “crucial” tips for success

Black Online Dating: which sites are worth your while?

How People Fall In Love

Single Parent Dating Tips

Online Dating After a Divorce

Can We Control Our Date’s Thoughts?

How to Mingle with the Locals

Why It’s Still Better to Be Manly Than ‘Nice’

Slandering your ex on your personal blog

Should I let him Win?

Online Dating For Widows – when is the right time?

Chivalry Gone Too Far?

Cheap Date Ideas

Do Looks Matter When Dating?

Showing too much love to my younger sister

Thank you for your questions. Please use the form above to ask a question. Remember, if you have a pressing question that needs answering soon, please consider a donation to THE GUYS. (Read above for details) This will move your question to the top of the line. (Answered within 1-3 days) Otherwise your question will go into the general queue which has a 3-5 week delay right now.

For those of you who have donated, thank you. It does take a considerable amount of time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly.

THE GUYS

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San Diego	Fremont	Hollywood

 

Guys,

I dated this guy for about two years and it ended badly. We’ve always tried to rekindle the flame by hanging out or just simply messing around. One day recently, he came over before I left for a family vacation. We, ya know, messed around and made up for the two weeks of loving we’re going to miss out while I’m home. Turns out, he was lying in my bed, texting my sister and basically flirting with her. He said things such as, “You should come party with me sometime.” He sent her ; -) faces and saying things along the lines of, “If you weren’t Amie’s sister.” Not to mention, this is the SECOND time it has happened.

I cried and cried because here I am, trying to love this guy again and he flirts with my sister while she’s in the next room. Now he’s trying to get back with me. My sister is beyond furious because he did that to me.

What should I do?

Amie

Dear Amie,

Thanks for your question.

It’s pretty disrespectful of him to flirt with your sister, especially while in your bed. (That’s an understatement) We know you care for this guy but do you really think you can trust him? Hasn’t he done this twice now? How can you establish any type of committed relationship with a guy who behaves like this? And it’s not like he’s going to change. We don’t like to tell people what to do, but we think you’re headed down a very difficult road if you continue to hang out with this guy.

Also: Why does he have your sister’s phone number? She sounds innocent here, but you two need to have a conversation and form a united front.

Last thing: Trying to rekindle a relationship is fine, but doing it by “messing around” probably isn’t the best idea. Many guys would view that as a “Friends with Benefits” situation and not feel any other incentive for getting back into a relationship with you. In the future, it’s best to “take it slow” when trying to get back together with someone, or even when you meet a new person. It’s important to get to know the person beyond the bedroom.

Good luck,

THE GUYS