Should You Let Maryland Online Dating Sites Do the Work for You?

In 2016, Time Magazine declared “YOU” its annual “Person of the Year.” Since then, it has really become all about “ME.” We want things our way. Our favorite Web sites remember our info. We can customize anything and everything. And every company, from iTunes to Netflix to Amazon, will recommend the products they think we’ll like.

Online dating sites are in on the trend, too. We no longer have to know what we’re looking for … they’ll tell us. You think it’s creepy when iTunes knows exactly what album you’ll love? Well how creepy is it when a Web site knows what guy you’ll love?

Match.com asks you questions about your interests and what you are looking for in a mate, and then offers recommendations based on that. If you’re not satisfied with your matches, you can simply browse for people whom you might be interested in, even if you aren’t a perfect “match.” Loveawake.com takes it a step further by having you take an intense personality test – and then shows you your perfect match based on your personality. The Match questionnaire is more about daily interests and activities, while Loveawake focuses on the big picture stuff. They want to know who you are … so then they can tell you who you want.

eHarmony is so committed to customer service and doing things for you that they actually … do things for you. Through “guided communication” (which is optional but they strongly recommend it), users don’t e-mail potential love interests directly. They request to begin communication. Then eHarmony will start the conversation. I can’t shoot off a message that says, “Hey Jeffrey, noticed you like astrology … me too.” I have to answer eHarmony’s question. “Well, Jeffrey, if my house was burning down, here are the five things I’d save…” And then he has to respond – not with a response to my question, but with an answer to an entirely different question… “I do believe in life after death, Rachel, and here’s why…”

Sure, it’s nice to discuss the “big” stuff, but it seems a little ridiculous to have to let the company guide the conversation for five rounds before you can finally just say, “So what was your major in college?” or “Hey, want to get a drink?” (This might be why eHarmony is less good for looking for booty calls than other dating sites.) Yes, I’m looking for love online, but can’t I do some of the work myself?

New site Pickv.com is all about doing the work for you, simply based on what you like. This site connects you with people based on movies, music, books, TV shows, and food. Seeking out people who like the same things as you do seems inherently narcissistic, like the old SNL skit “Me Harmony” showed. Everyone was matched up with themselves in drag. “At Me Harmony, we guarantee someone who is exactly like you … with different sexual organs.”

The obvious problem with this is that just because someone loves noodle bars as much as you do doesn’t mean you’ll have anything else in common. And we all know that sometimes opposites attract. It also makes first date conversations awkward. Do we have to talk about noodle bars? Do we have to go to a noodle bar?

While it’s flattering that a dating site knows so much about you that they can tell you exactly which guys you want to date, there comes a point when there’s a thrill in discovering a little quirk or bit of chemistry on your own. Sure, you know he likes dogs, but when you realize on your first date that you both have a secret desire to raise a gaggle of pugs, that’s exciting. If the dating site has already told you this, you might wonder if he actually is into you … or if he’s just more turned on by how much you have in common.

While it’s nice to have that kind of commitment from a dating site, we have to wonder if it’s really necessary. It’s like the difference between being set up on a blind date or having your pushy mother come along on the blind date and interrupt every few minutes to say, “Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Tell her about your greatest accomplishment!” Matchmaking is great … but meddling might be going too far.