The Main Ingredient Of A Nearly Perfect Relationship

Walking, writing this column on the right side of my brain … while the cold, damp morning air and the poison in my cigarette fills my lungs.

I could start by talking about the little midget girl I’ve seen running around, dressed in a monkey suit and carrying a shovel. The parties I’ve been to, the trips I’ve taken and the trips I’ve been on. I could write about the women I’ve had sex with, the women I’ve almost fucked, the women that fucked me (big time) and the women I didn’t … yet that will not cure me of the creative erection I’m sporting this beautiful morning.

I can feed your ego by lying to you in the most beautiful, subtle ways. I can promise you a cure for all your ailments, the woman of your dreams, money, fame and power. That will make you love this column … but this strikes me like more of a Jerry Springer sort of website rather than a Dr. Phil

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I’m very arrogant, and you should be too … but make sure you have something to be arrogant about. There’s nothing worse than an idiot with an attitude problem. I know there are not many guys that are more brosome than I am; unfortunately we are all on a scale. There’s always going to be a guy with a bigger cock than mine, a more attractive personality, a better job and so on … and my girl, or your girl might find him. Be aware of it, try to better yourself but don’t focus on it … enjoy the journey even if it starts in the morning and it dies in the afternoon.

Allow yourself to fall in love, relinquish control … lay your heart on the ground and see if she’s going to crush it with her beautiful, tiny foot. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t … maybe she won’t right now, maybe she will later. Neither of us can predict the future and trying to do so will probably fuck you up. Loving and being loved is the closest I’ve been to heaven, and the closest I’ve been to hell. I can crash and burn with the best of them … and so can you. Having your heart stepped on sucks, but I know about a million songs that will sound a million times better when that happens. But if you choose to allow yourself to love her, love the hell out of her!

It feels like I’ve fucked about a million times, but I can count on one hand the times I’ve truly lost myself in fuck. Bros, if you do decide to fuck her … fuck her brains out! Have fire running through your veins, honey dripping off the tip of your tongue, use your brain not just your cock. Paint beautiful pictures on her body with your fingers, have a touch light as a feather and use your tongue as a whip … don’t be afraid to get a little physical. In my experience, even the strongest women like to be dominated. There will be times when she wants you to be an animal, and times when she will enjoy something deeper and more meaningful. You be the judge of that … make sure you understand what you see and know that there is a big difference between hearing and listening.

This is the first of what I hope will be a weekly column, fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the journey.

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