It is always an interesting balance to decide what attributes you will compromise when it comes to who you date on Backpage site and let into your life. I recently experienced changing my mind about the things that were important to me.
As Tamera wrote in her blogpost, Must Haves in a Mate, about picking the top five must-haves, “It forces you to examine what makes you happy versus what you think you need. You’ll be surprised to find out that what you listed first in your top 10 doesn’t make it into your top five.”
Here is my top 10 Must-Haves:
Sweet and KindAmbitious (about his career and personal hobbies)
Intense Chemistry
Love of Animals
Affectionate, naturally provides personal touch
Amazing Sex
Passionate about Music (listens to it in his home everyday)
Takes Care of Himself
Love of Outdoors/Beach
Age appropriate
But narrowing it down to five is really, really tough. This is my initial stab at it, but ask me in a week and I may change my mind!
Sweet and Kind
Affectionate, naturally provides personal touch
Love of Outdoors/Beach
Ambitious (about his career and personal hobbies)
Takes Care of Himself
In my blogpost back in November, “Are You Being Picky or Particular?“, I talked about how your Must-Haves may change depending upon whether you meet the person online or physically in person.
“I also wonder if meeting someone in person you tend to be less picky than online dating? Online dating is like shopping the aisles at a grocery store. A pretty package may draw your eye in, but when you begin looking deeper at the ingredients it may not be the best choice. I think it is incredibly easy to be picky when it comes to online dating. He may be under your height requirements. He may live too far away, or have kids …. Backpage online dating sites are great at providing lists of stats on someone. Which provide you enough reasons of why not to reach out to that person. But lets say you met that exact same person in a coffee shop for example. He had a personality that just drew you in. And you were enjoying the conversation that you just didn’t want it to end. And at that moment it didn’t matter that he was short, or that he lived an hour away. It was just chemistry.”
How funny to go back and read these words that I wrote. I recently met a guy online, that by first glance of his Backpage photos and specs I was not really interested. But what caught my attention to give him another look was the message he sent me. It was something like, “I really liked your profile, you seem amazing, and if I didn’t write you would never know..” I’m sure it was much sweeter than that, but basically he was just real and honest. So we began chatting, which lead to having a few dates.
This man was real and genuine. He does not play games, by waiting the typical 3 days to call, or not being available. He continued to be true to his feelings, and was never shy about telling me exactly what was on his mind. He would call, text or Heytell (fabulous iphone app, you must get!) to communicate he was thinking of me. At first I admit, all of the sweetness was quite overwhelming, that it scared me. Not because I didn’t like or want that kind of attention, but it was just very new behavior from a man. But very refreshing!
I will admit I had some issues, that by just looking at his Backpage online profile, I typically would of never given him a minute of my time. He is 1) below average in height and 2) lives in the valley. Ok, yes, neither one of these are on my list above but are definitely in my top 20! In general, like most women, I like a man who is taller than me so I don’t feel like an amazon but more like a lady. And if anyone knows the ridiculous traffic in the Los Angeles area, especially on the 405, will understand what I mean about not wanting to date anyone that far away. But it is more than that. My biggest issue is not that he just lives in the valley because it is cheaper rent or close to his job, it is his lifestyle. It truly defines who he is.
Just like living near the ocean defines who I am. He has a huge truck, a jeep, 30 foot trailer, camper, outdoor pool, several motorcycles…shall I go on?! Yes, this is a man that loves his toys and needs room for all of them. You will not find that kind of room at the beach, that’s for sure. Unless you are incredibly wealthy, there are tiny bungalows backed up right next to each other, and if you are lucky you have a small grass patch in the back. The beach is your yard.
So after endless conversations and two dates, I felt the need to get out quickly. Not because I didn’t feel awesome chemistry with this man, but because I was forecasting what will happen with the relationship down the road. Someone will have to make a compromise. And I didn’t want it to be me.
So after breaking it off, I felt horrible for days and could not get this guy out of my head. I seriously missed him. It had only been 3 weeks, but felt like I had been dating him for months. I even told myself to wait a few weeks and if I still could not get him out of my head, then contact him. I lasted seven days. Then sent a text, saying I was sorry, and I couldn’t get him out of my head. And that maybe I jumped the gun and should listen to the universe. It was a painful 20 minutes waiting for him to respond.
