We’ve all heard it, probably all said it. You’ve been trying to chase somebody down, and you get, “Wow, I am so sorry. I have been SOOOOOO busy!” Well, duh. What should you SAY, though? And is there a way to get him to stop being so busy? I’ve got some thoughts on that.
Hi Jeff,
You’ve helped me several times before; I read your page often and I’ve a quickie for you: What’s the best way to respond to the “I’ve been sooooo busy” line? I hear it ALL the time and yeah, I say it sometimes too. When I’m on the receiving end, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I say, “yes, we’re all busy, I get it.” Because it’s basically a brush-off, is there anything I can say to make the guy want to rearrange his busy schedule or is it just better to not respond at all?
Thank ya!
-Amber
You’ve helped me several times before; I read your page often and I’ve a quickie for you: What’s the best way to respond to the “I’ve been sooooo busy” line? I hear it ALL the time and yeah, I say it sometimes too. When I’m on the receiving end, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I say, “yes, we’re all busy, I get it.” Because it’s basically a brush-off, is there anything I can say to make the guy want to rearrange his busy schedule or is it just better to not respond at all?
Thank ya!
-Amber
Dear Amber,
Well, in order to know how to respond, you’ve got to know what’s being said to you, right? And it seems that you do. You said it yourself. It’s a brushoff. To be more specific:
HIM: I’ve been soooooo busy.
MANSLATION: You aren’t important enough to me to make time for you.
Are there exceptions? Well…I suppose if you’re dating the Secretary of Defense or something. But the overwhelming majority of the time, when someone says they’re so busy, it usually means that they just didn’t want to tell you, “I’ve been sitting around the house watching old Law & Orders that I had already seen, but I STILL didn’t call you.” But it’s just a nicer way of saying the same thing.
CAN YOU MAKE HIM WANT TO STOP BEING SO BUSY?
Not really, because the problem is rarely how busy he is. The problem is where you fit on his priority list. And if you’re down there below “World of Warcraft” and “study Klingon language tapes” (hey, I don’t know who you date) then what could you SAY to change that? Personally, I’ve never been in a situation where a.) I was “talked into” a relationship and b.) it ended well. Just not a great idea.
SO HOW TO RESPOND?
Well, you could say:
- “Oh really? Busy? Not me. I’ve just been sitting around making collages of your picture at this cool…oh, I guess you could call it an ‘altar’ that I’ve built. You should check it out. Or you could just look at the photos of it that I left in you mailbox. Oh and your hair looks really cute tonight. Where did you get that shirt?“
- “If you’re going to blow me off with a BS “busy” excuse, the least you could do is to give me something specific. Tell me you were kidnapped by pirates, tell me you’ve been trapped in a beartrap in Montana, some damn thing.“
- Or, the real answer…nothing. Don’t bother. Brush him off right back. If he’s saying this, it’s almost exclusively because the real answer is (even) less flattering to you.
Good luck, Amber! And thanks for the question!
What do YOU say when a guy’s been “busy”?
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