вторник, 2 апреля 2019 г.

ARE CRAZY WOMEN FORCING MEN TO MARRY?



Recently I was talking to a guy friend of mine who is about to get married and, like always, I wasn’t pulling any punches. I flat out asked him why he was getting married if there were fundamental issues in his relationship that already had him looking outside his relationship. Luckily he is used to my candid speech and didn’t get offended by the question. His answer didn’t shock me, though I wish it had.

I’M TIRED OF CRAZY WOMEN

“I’m tired of crazy women. Every girl I dated prior to my fiancé was insane.” He admitted. “The thought of dating again horrifies me.”
I sat with that a second and then finally spoke. “So you are getting married to a woman you know you will cheat on because you don’t want to date crazy women again?”
“Yup.” Came his clear and concise answer.
I couldn’t leave it there though, my dating blogger self had to know more. If I had a guy willing to talk about crazy women and the affect they had on dating…I was digging for more.
“What makes you call them crazy women?” I asked with genuine interest.
“Jewels, you don’t realize how different you are from the average woman out there dating right now. They are needy as shit. If I don’t answer a text or phone call immediately they freak out on me. You know that doesn’t work with me. Everything had to move so fast with them.” My friend is an emergency personnel worker, so when calls come in he has to respond.
Okay, so he gets a call and can’t respond to his phone right away. I get that totally, so why wouldn’t another woman? This is simple; you know what he does for a living so why would this surprise you? I’m shaking my head on the other side of the phone and still in wonder at the whole situation.
I ended that part of the conversation with a very simple statement that I hope hit home. “You know that mistresses are straight up psycho…right?”
“Not all.” He said with a knowing laugh and that was the end of that topic.
The sad part of this conversation is that he’s not the first or only man that I know who has done the exact same thing. I’ve had men admit to me that they got married only because they were tired of crazy women, dating, and drama. They love their wife, don’t get me wrong, but they have no problem telling me that there are fatal flaws in the relationship. Not just flaws; ones that have them looking elsewhere for either emotional or physical comfort. All of this is still preferable to dealing with crazy women and dating again.
I’ve written before about the issues I take with women who behave ridiculously. I’ve addressed the crazy women, stalkers, and over texters who just don’t know when to call it quits. I will never understand why they think behaving like a rabbit boiling psycho will endear them to the object of their affection. More over if the roles were reversed they’d be calling the cops terrified that they were being stalked by a crazy guy. What makes them think they are exempt from the same laws the govern a person’s right to be left alone and not harassed?
It’s not just acting like crazy women that drives me crazy, though. Also is the lying and game playing that takes place in the dating world. When you lie, even a ‘white lie’, to men when you are out it is unacceptable. Don’t tell hi that you have a boyfriend when you really mean you aren’t interested. NEVER claim to be a lesbian to get rid of unwanted attention! There is no reason to make up bold faced lies when dating when the truth will suffice just fine.
Look, I get that we all want different things in a partner and that is fine. If one of your must haves is constant communication then be vocal about that up front so they can decide if that’s something they can tolerate or not. If you want sex daily then be clear about that too because nothing will lead to cheating quicker than being dissatisfied wit your sex life.
More than that know what kind of “relationship” you are entering into. Going on 3 dates with somebody does not entitle you to girlfriend rights. You are dating not in a monogamous relationship. When you are dating, sleeping together, hooking up, or whatever you want to call it, you need to know your limits. If you don’t know them…talk about them or use your common freaking sense. After 2 dates you can’t turn into a crazy woman, text stalk a guy, and then put him on blast for not answering your text message in a two hour window.
There is something to be said for acting like a lady. Compose yourself. When in doubt utilize some restraint. Ask a friend, the non-slutty and deranged one, for some advice if you have to. Edgy women can be sexy but crazy is always just crazy. Even if the relationship is just sexual crazy women are only tolerable for so long.
Ask yourself: Do I want to be the one he keeps around or the one he laughs about? Do I want his desire and respect or do I not really mind him telling all his friends that I may be psycho but I give good head? Once you have your answer…act accordingly.
Crazy women are killing the dating pool. Insane women are SCARING these men into marriage. The only way to stop this behavior is to raise the bar on our friends and us. Ladies, stop being so cray cray! The long and short of it is that we are all adults and there is no reason for high school dating behavior. Compose yourself. Don’t act like it’s your first rodeo.
Resources:

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среда, 20 марта 2019 г.

Positive Reinforcement


I had brunch with a friend who I haven’t seen in some time today. I detailed by recent dating history, and during one particular story said, “I screwed that up!” She quickly interrupted me and said, “You didn’t screw it up, say things didn’t work out!” It’s the same result, different perspective.
It seems the unhappier you are, the more single you become. Every act, mistake, and reasons for being single is magnified 100%. While there are many reasons for being single, they’re not aways our fault. Sometimes we’ve met the wrong person, or they weren’t ready for a relationship. To improve our dating chances, there’s only two things we can work out, ourselves and our attitude. Both rely on the other to survive.

Working on yourself seems to be the easiest of the two tasks. A change of clothes, a new look look or an update a profile definitely help. Working on your attitude is a tougher task. It usually requires having to change how you perceive things, keeping a positive outlook and maintaining a sense of discipline to not beat yourself up too much. This type of change requires more than just a spit shine, it has to deal with goals, habits, and health.

One aspect to dating, somewhat touched upon, is our mental health. Whether we are truly happy with ourselves. Many determine happiness based on whether they are with another person; others determine it based on the quality of their life. I believe the latter is the best approach. I tend to dip into the self-loathing, self-depreciating deep end of the pool. Instead, I should be focusing on the improvement and possibilities, the “it didn’t wok out” opposed to the “I screwed up!” (No worries, this is a 2010 goal!) This is often the long term, heard to deal aspect of dating. There isn’t a happy pill regardless of what your doctor, or dealer, tells you. This is something that burns within each person.

Every so often, I find myself needing to revisit two books, both have helped with my own attitudes and approach to dating. The core messages from these books are often used in several popular male dating books. They are “First Things First” by Steven Covey, and “What Should I Do With My Life?” by Po Bronson. These aren’t dating books, but time management and life focused books. They deal with many of the core issues that, I believe, prevents us from achieving our goals.
It’s important to maintain a happy, positive outlook on dating. As someone told me in an e-mail, “Dating in New York is like eating glass and expecting your mouth not to get cut.” Sure it’s hard, but no one ever wants to date a sourpuss.


Sources:


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What's Good For the Goose Isn't Good For the Gander


Double standards are a linchpin of modern society. Actually probably for all society and cavemen of the Geico era. Point is, double standards exist and for quite a few of them, women end up on the short end of the stick (thought don't be mistaken, there are also double standards that work totally in women's favor and they  usually end up with the man's wallet ending up lighter). 

A common question I've heard includes this disbelief by some women that a man would instantly break up with her if she ever cheated whereas many women would be more interested in attempting to work out the issue and figuring out why the man did what he did. Of course, the man would pay a dear and hefty fine for his trangressions, but he would be expected to want to work on it.

So why are men such douches when it comes to women messing up? Simple. Loyalty. Again, remember this isn't about making sense it's about explaining the non-sense. For some odd reason, when a man is dating a woman and proclaims his love for her he expects full-fledge loyalty from her. Which includes not sleeping with anybody else. When a woman decides to cheat on her man, it's like slapping him in the face with Nicki Minaj's arse. Okay, bad example as he might like that, but you get the point. He can't believe that a woman would do such a thing as take all that love he's given her and throw it at him.

Nevermind that the woman probably did what she did because of some shortcoming the man was exhibiting. By the way, the last sentence does not excuse any cheating. A chick who cheats is still a douche too. But she cheated for a purpose, and those purposes are often lost on men. All we focus on is what you did not why. And frankly, we don't care why. There will never a reason good enough to explain it.

Women, on the other hand, are generally more forgiving creatures and are prone to understanding what happened and why. Women always want to know why and generally, the answer will rarely ever be good enough. Mostly because our answers will generally range from "I don't know" to "It just happened" which can be true answers but don't delve into the feelings behind it all and the real why (which is more like a why mixed with a how). Plus, women tend to believe in the best of us which is why they'll stick it out until they can't.

In this instance, men basically suck. But because I'm a man, I understand. You cheat and I have to go. I never said it makes sense. It is what it is though.

Double standards aren't meant to make sense. They're intended to maintain order amidst chaos. 

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вторник, 19 марта 2019 г.

Slowing It Down


I have this problem (among many), one that I can't imagine is entirely unique to me. Namely, I sabotage every dating situation I get into where I think I might like the girl. And it's not like I'm doing stupid things either, like being mean, ignoring their advances or being unable to keep my facts straight if I happen to be dating multiple girls at once (though I'll admit, just once I'd like to purposefully mix up my facts, if for no other reason than to gauge the reaction).

http://www.vttour.fr/actu/go.php?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

No, I seem to be sabotaging things by being too eager, too anxious. Finding a girl I actually like seems to happen as often as Britney Spears gets touted for her high intelligence quotient, so when I do actually come across someone who holds my interest, can anyone really blame me for getting excited?

http://unrealengine.vn/redirect/?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

Apparently, the answer is yes. Because every single time, without fail, I end up wanting to see the girl too often, and she ends up bolting for the door. Apparently, I'm still unable to grasp the difference between dating in college and in the real world (not that I actually "dated" in college, but you get my drift). In college, you see your friends, your crushes and your hookups every day. They're almost unavoidable. I still haven't gotten used to the fact that it's OK if you only see someone once a week, or even once every two weeks at the outset of dating. Or maybe I just wish I was back in college. Don't we all?

http://ml.oeno.tm.fr/lm.php?tk=CVBBTkFHSU9USVMgVEFUQVJJRElTKglQQU5FUE8tUEFOIEhFTExFTklDIFVOSU9OIEVOT0xPR0lTVFMJcGFuZXBvQHBhbmVwby5ncglFbnRlciB0aGUgV29ybGQgb2YgdGhlIEJlc3QgTXVzY2F0cyBXaW5lcwkxMzkxCQk2MDkzCWNsaWNrCXllcwlubw==&url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

The shame of it is, I should totally learn from the myriad of dating situations in which I don't like the girl. In those cases, where quite frankly I couldn't care less if I ever saw the girl again, I act very blase about the whole thing to the point where the apathy is literally oozing out of my pores. Wouldn't you know it... those girls can't get enough of me. It's as if the very notion that I'm simply not interested either never even crosses their minds, or is simply too shocking to the system to be believed. Then again, I'm sure I'm not helping matters by continually acquiescing to their sexual advances.

http://www.google.com.ua/url?q=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

Either way, I've never really been able to reconcile the fact that I come off as more attractive to girls when I don't care about them at all. Where's the logic in this? What good can possibly come out of slobbering around like a dog begging to be taken for a walk after someone who's not interested in you? Because it certainly doesn't work the same way in reverse (for me, anyway). Granted, I absolutely enjoy a good chase, but I get the hint when I'm being blown off, and I pick up and move on to the next one (or five). Hell, forget being blown off... I've even been known to move on if I even catch a whiff of disinterest.

http://www.kestrel.jp/modules/wordpress/wp-ktai.php?view=redir&url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

Then again, maybe it's not about reconciliation. Clearly, I'll never fully (or even remotely) understand the female mind, so all I really can do is apply the lessons from what I've observed. And that means tempering my emotions, and perhaps slowing down the dating process to the point where I'm not frothing at the mouth at the expectation of a quality date or getting physical with someone I like (probably a good idea). And despite that I often desire to hit you ladies over the head with the figurative hammer, I also know that at some point in this experiment of trial and error that I like to call dating, some girl out there is going to be wise beyond her years enough to say, "hey... here's a guy I like who actually likes me back. What a novel idea... maybe I should explore this!"


And in the meantime, I can take solace in the fact that there remain plenty of girls out there with whom total apathy is still a viable strategy to keep me busy.

http://gemmedia.mysharebar.com/view?iframe=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://www.ash.nl/podium/push/Log.aspx?s=401&snd=5977ce84-a1d8-426a-ad95-7c9935fd2848&url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/
http://www.jouwnieuws.nl/redir.php?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://www.zakarialounes.fr/?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://rabotnik.by/redirect?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://www.skitour.fr/actu/go.php?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://www.hkjebn.com/en/mo/search/view?token=bm9kZV9pZD0yMzY0NXxrZXl3b3JkX2lkPTE5NQ==&url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://ustfccca.site-ym.com/link.asp?e=kyle@ustfccca.org&job=1514295&ymlink=2712401&finalurl=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

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http://bbs.dedecms.com/goto.php?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://s1.shinystat.com/cgi-bin/redir.cgi?URL=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://hub.wiley.com/external-link.jspa?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://library.tc.columbia.edu/log_and_go.php?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://tieba.baidu.com/mo/q/checkurl?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://m.hyatt.com/mt/stop_mobi?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://search.wi.gov/cpp/cs.html?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

http://www.cinema.beniculturali.it/redireziona.aspx?url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/

https://www.ash.nl/podium/push/Log.aspx?s=401&snd=5977ce84-a1d8-426a-ad95-7c9935fd2848&url=https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/27/how-to-impress-your-girlfriends-family/



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среда, 6 марта 2019 г.

What Everyone Should Know About Finding A Mate



Finding a match is a crucial decision. To find a better match it requires good understanding of the people as well as suitability of the opposite person. There are certain things that everybody should know to select his or her better match.

Thanks to technology and the internet, it is now as simple as popping a name into a search engine to find out about them. The internet not only saves time, but can in fact increase the probability of finding yourself the perfect match sooner.

There are many different ways and methods to use while trying to find the perfect mate. There are so many sites out in the world wide web, that your first move should be to find yourself a legitimate dating site.

Once you’ve found a site you like, you must think about what attract you and what you want you ideal lover to be like. Do you want them to have gone to college? What color skin and what beliefs should they have? When you have figured out your preferences and plugged them in, everyone who fits your requirements will be found for you.

You can refer online dating sites any where. The location is not a problem. You can refer national as well as international dating sites as well. Most of the dating sites are looking for adult dating to offer in their services.

Once you have plugged in everything you want in a mate, finding a match is not hard. The only part that requires some looking into on your part is making sure the site you are using is legitimate. To sum up all we have learned here is pretty easy. Find your legitimate dating site and plug in your preferences for the ideal mate. Once the search engine gives you your results, you’ll have to plug in your contact information and begin approaching other singles for dates! Remember to be optimistic!
Who knew how easy it would be to use online dating sates to find that perfect somebody. Picking up protocol is simple and doesn’t change really from one site to the next. Start looking soon so you can bring that special someone home now!

Apparently, everything that was popular in the mid-'90s to early 2000s is coming back, whether we want it to or not.  They're rebooting "Van Helsing", for crying out loud.  So it was really only a matter of time before "The Rules" reared its ugly self-help head.

There are a lot of problems with "The Rules".  First of all, it's less a self-help book and more of a cult, with rules like "Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts", and "Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist".  Uh, yeah, when an accountant and a journalist who don't know what they're talking about (one of the Rules sequels, about marriage, came out while one of the authors was getting divorced) tell you not to discuss a major part of your life with a trained professional, that's generally a warning sign.

Secondly, the demands are just a little creepy.  As a rule, it involves playing hard to get, which might have worked in 1958, but we're in the twenty-first century now, and the standards of behavior are a little different.  It's true you shouldn't be calling a guy you're interested in twenty times a day, but actively avoiding him except during select moments generally sends a wrong message.

Finally, there's this theme of demanding things from your boyfriend/husband and never criticizing anything he does that's...well, again with the cult comparison.  There are rules like "Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date" (in other words, make it clear fairly early on you're never going to compromise or help with anything), dumping men who don't give you "romantic" (read: expensive) gifts on a regular basis, and so on.  And you're supposed to "be easy to live with" and "never expect a man to change".  Not that demanding a person become somebody else entirely is a good idea, but notice that in all of this it's the woman bending over backwards.

And now they've got "Not Your Mother's Rules", written by women likely old enough to be your mom, and essentially repackaging their old book with new advice like "Never write on his Facebook wall".

Here's a useful rule: only you know what's right for you.  Think about what you want...and act accordingly.

http://teresa.n-fukushi.ac.jp/mahara/interaction/forum/view.php?id=12 The Single Sibling
http://shigra.net-learning.org/mahara/view/view.php?t=1Z0icUhaofBLdHS7CNYD GPS: It Will Save Your Marriage!
https://mahara.ph-noe.ac.at/view/view.php?t=8qLCoKYQX5wcWSk4lfsI When to Unplug: Consulting User-Generated Review Sites to Plan the Perfect Date
https://www.uitvconnect.com/link/page-notes/137041/584/my-list-theory/tab/1722 My List Theory
http://asik.wiziq.com/course/208474-why-you-can-t-break-up-with-a-drunk-person Why You Can't Break Up With A Drunk Person
http://projects.umwhistory.org/cwh/myomeka/posters/show/4157 Youre So Vain, You Probably Think This Hair Is About You
http://projects.umwhistory.org/cwh/myomeka/posters/show/4158 DON’T FORGET YOURSELF, DON’T SACRIFICE YOURSELF


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четверг, 28 февраля 2019 г.

The Backburner Burn



Often when I start a new relationship I become more insecure than I was when I was single. I worry that this new relationship that seems fulfilling and fun will flop and I will be disappointed. I worry that I won't be as fun anymore when I am a part of a couple. Because of this new found insecurity. I do something bad, and I know a lot of my friends do the same. We keep our backburner suitors, maybe too long. We don't cheat, we just forget to tell them we have a boyfriend. We would be furious, to the point of questioning our new relationship, if our new boyfriend had old chickenheads hanging around. But, in our defense we have no idea where this new relationship is going. We would hate to end these 'friendships' prematurely and have no one to dine and over-wine us out of misery. Plus, we don't want to scare off our new man by being overly committed, (some might find this clingy) right?

Sure we have taken ourselves off the market and we aren't hanging out with our old suitors but a status change hasn't occurred on facebook. No need to tell everyone we are taken. We didn't want to be exclusive with these suitors when we were single and had the chance. But like our old, one size too big, boot-cut jeans, we keep them around just in case the cheese and white wine pounds really start to build up. It's nice to know we have options and won't have to build a new wardrobe of men if things go wrong.

Also, it's comforting. There is a part of life that is more fun when you're single, the part where lots of people want to take you out for drinks and dinner, you can drink too much without anyone telling you that you are embarrassing them and of course you have plenty of time for friends . Flirting is fun (but not totally appropriate when you're in a relationship). If you already have a phone full of people who enjoy your flirting, why cut off communication with them too quickly?

While it's fun and makes you feel good to have these suitors texting you and calling you, you may find yourself dating these second-string sub-par suitors while thinking of your recent ex. It might just be inappropriate to keep these guys around once the commitment has been made. Even if you aren't cheating.



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пятница, 22 февраля 2019 г.

Verbal Abuse



Just as painful as physical abuse

Domestic abuse does not just consist of physical, it also includes verbal and emotional abuse. At one time or another, many people have been subjected to verbal abuse. Unfortunately, most people don't spot it. You are undergoing verbal abuse if:
  • When they say something that hurts you they tell you you're being too sensitive
  • Call you names and put you down
  • Make you feel bad or guilty
  • Hope for you to fail
  • Denies your reality
  • Is passive aggressive
  • Constantly criticizing you
  • Explodes at you with anger
  • Threatens you
  • Constantly orders you around
  • Tries to control your life
  • Tells you "you're blowing things out of proportion"
  • Emotionally blackmails/manipulates you
  • Accuses you of doing things you didn't do (such as cheating on them, lying to them, etc.)
  • Is extremely jealous
etc. These are all very indicative signs of verbal abuse. I personally was verbally abused by my ex boyfriend and it took 3 months for me to see the signs. I decided to take a break until he treated me better and it didn't work. I read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and it really helped me work through the situation and get out of it. Although, don't expect the person to change. If the person feels nothing is wrong limit your contact with them as much as possible. Don't be around someone who puts you down and doesn't appreciate you to the fullest.

My Personal Verbal Abuse Story

I was verbally abused by my father my whole life, but did not recognize it. His hurtful teasing seemed to be "harmless," though many times it made me cry. He'd get mad over little things and yell and intimidate me. But I didn't realize this was abnormal behavior for a long time. That's why almost every man I've been with has been verbally abusive and got away with it. I never spoke up because I didn't think there was a problem. Even though they made me feel bad I knew "they didn't mean it." Then I started dating my ex. Whenever he got mad he said hurtful things, but I just brushed it off because he was angry; again, "didn't mean it." But then I took a class on relationships and they helped me to realize he was verbally abusive, and not just when he was angry. Even when we were getting along he'd say things like, "the gap in your teeth makes you slightly unattractive" and "you could stand to lose one or two pounds/" I told him that he was verbally abusing me and I didn't want to be in the relationship unless he changed. He never changed, but I'm proud of myself for getting out of that situation.

Sources:


https://mahara.phil.hhu.de/view/view.php?t=r0GoXT1y3DaOuMqUtZYw A Little Baggage Goes Nicely with a Little Love
http://mahara.hu/mahara/group/view.php?id=900 How To Define Marriage Has Changed Over Time

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