You Met Your Man ~ Why Freak ??

Maria met her man !!  She’s so excited !!  

 
She knows how to weed out the “bad guys” …
 
She knows how to attract what she wants …
 
Everything she’s learning is paying off !
 
But now that she’s met her new man, she’s starting to freak out !! 
 
Jake didn’t come in the package Maria expected.  He’s a little younger … and different physically from what she imagined.
 
But he has everything and more of what she wants !!
 
Maria and Jake connect on so many levels and have an absolute blast together. 
 
He’s thoughtful, kind, funny and a great kisser. 
 
He understands and respects that she doesn’t want to have sex without a commitment … AND he doesn’t want children … which is a major deal breaker for Maria.
 
Maria has prayed many times for someone like Jake to show up and take her away from the dating madness.
 
It’s so good !  So right …
 
Yet, Maria feels anxious and is starting to freak out.
 
So what’s the problem ??  Why is Maria freaking out ??
 
Meeting a man like Jake was exactly what Maria wanted.  She just wasn’t expecting the emotions that come along with …  the vulnerability … the fear … the crazy !!
 
Is this normal? 
 
Yes it is.   For several reasons …
 
1.    Fantasy Meets Reality
 
It’s one thing to dream of your man.  It’s another to finally meet him.
 
In your dream … he’s pictured a certain way … he behaves a certain way … and he’s available at your convenience.
 
The reality is … he’s probably not going to be anything like you pictured.  He’s gonna be who he is … and he’s gonna want to see you at his convenience. 
 
When you meet your man … “freaking out” is not going to be about the man.  It’s going to be about you.  Here he is … the real deal.  Who are you in relationship to him?  Are you available to receive him?  Seeing yourself reflected in the presence of a real man can be freaky indeed!
 
2.    Too Good To Be True
 
When your man really, really wants you, it’s great … and it can feel overwhelming. 
 
You imagine wonderful feelings of love and bliss.  You meet him and he surpasses your imagination.  Then you realize his attention can feel quite frightening.  You are exposed.  It’s a very vulnerable place. 
 
You start questioning EVERYTHING … like, is he the right man?  Or do you even want a man ??  Crazy, huh? 
 
Meeting your man takes you to the deepest part of yourself and it can feel terrifying … because you have to look at who you are, what you value and your own self-worth.
 
Are you worthy to receive your man … if he’s “too good to be true?”
 
3.    The Risk Factor
 
Meeting your man doesn’t come without a risk factor.  Love in the best circumstances is still a roll of the dice.
 
You’re human.  Amid the bliss of meeting your man lurk old fears and beliefs.
 
What if it doesn’t work out?
 
What if you lose yourself?
 
What if he uses you, then leaves?   
 
There’s a lot going on.
 
It’s normal to freak out. When you meet your man, your life changes.  Big time ! 
 
It will never be the same. 
 
The anticipation … uncertainty … excitement … adrenaline … joy … fear … freak out … are all part of being in a new relationship with your man. 
 
It’s a normal feeling. So, take a deep breath and relax.
 
The best thing you can do is stay anchored in your own self love and enjoy the ride !
 
To help you get started in meeting your man … or understanding what to expect when you do, order “The Role of a Lifetime: How To Star In Your Own Love Story” home study course.

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Long Distance Hang Ups

If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you know how frustrating it is to be hung up on. The worst part about it is that you feel helpless. Not only do you know that the person you love is beyond angry with you, but there is not a single thing you can do to make the situation better. Every time you call, he puts your call through to voice mail. Every time you sign in online, he signs off. Every time you write an email, he doesn’t respond. Long distance hang ups are rather torturous for most people in this situation.

Why does it happen? There are many reasons for this but basically it is because one person is upset and just cannot stand the relationship at the current moment. This is a common feeling, even more so in a long distance relationship. The anger can stem from silly comments interpreted poorly, from disheartening actions from your partner’s side, you had a really bad day or you are simply frustrated with the distance. These situations would make anyone go mad and you can expect to hear a few dead lines of communication before your partner is ready to start anew.

Obviously the best piece of advice is to just avoid the whole hang up situation. Unfortunately, that is a lot easier said than done. If you want to hang up, just try to think about how awful it would be if your partner hung up on you in a fit of anger and how much you would dislike it. Use an excuse, say someone is calling in, that you have to walk the dog, you have plans with your mother, anything that sounds feasible but that can end on a good note. Once you are off the phone, you can take the time you need to get away from the situation without hurting your partner’s feelings.

Once you are ready to communicate, you can talk to that person again and explain the situation clearly and come to an answer. When you are at a distance it is crucial to speak to your partner while you are calm and relaxed so that you can avoid any major emotional blow outs. Long distance relationships certainly take more time to understand and much more effort than an “ordinary” relationship.

References:

Love after divorce: How dating did it for me
 
5 Top Tips for Boosting Your Confidence With Dating
 
Five Biggest Lies Dating Women Believe and How I Overcame Them
 
What Not to Talk About: First Date Guidance
 
Dating Non-negotiables
 
Playing the Dating Game After Divorce
 
Flirting Efficiency – Tips for a Great Web Flirt
 
Toxic Relationships: True Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer
 
To Date or Not to Date a Two-Time Loser
 
About Men: Do You Speak Male?
 
Gay Dating – Finding Love in the Gay Community
 
How to Fight With Your Wife
 
7 WAYS TO WOO WOMEN ON BUMBLE

 

What I’ve Learned in my Thirties

 Even as I was living it, I knew that I would look back at my thirties and know that this would be the most interesting, fun, difficult, and freeing time of my life. So often a woman in her twenties, with notable exceptions, is wrapped in family and societal expectations. You barely know yourself let alone the world yet you have to make decisions that can impact the rest of your life and all you feel like you can handle is matching your lipstick to your nail polish. There are so many pressures of doing “the right thing” and it feels like you have to do everything RIGHT NOW. There is such a sense of urgency to get married, start a family, start a career before you know what the fuck is going on. For me, I was in the wrong career, the wrong marriage, and I wondered why I was so unhappy. In your thirties, you know yourself a little bit better, you know a little bit more of the world, you start to care less about what others think of you. With this self and world knowledge, you can start making better decisions. Its not too late.

Career

• The first thing you have to let go of is that on the back of your college diploma says “for deposit only.” Education is always valuable. You have to keep telling yourself that every time you pay that student loan. So your degree is in marketing and you are a retail store manager. So what, its a paycheck and its kind of in your field. My degree is in English with a minor in Speech Pathology. My second degree is in Education. I worked in the classroom, if you include substitute teaching, for about five years. I worked for an education company developing and grading tests for about four years. I have worked in insurance and finance for the past about seven years and am so much happier. I am also paid a lot better. I have a career path in finance even though I still consider it my “day job.” People give English majors such a hard time, but knowing how to communicate effectively is a very valuable skill. They can train me on the finance stuff, but talking to people about their money is hard work and it is not for everyone.

• Let someone else say something stupid in the meetings, it doesn’t have to be you. There is always someone in the meeting with no filter or internal dialogue. Let that person hang themselves, but you don’t have to give them the rope. Stay out of it and do your job. If you feel you just have to disagree or take up a cause at work, either talk to your manager or an HR representative privately. The whole world doesn’t need to know that you are disgruntled or that a policy sucks. There are a lot of policies in a lot of companies that suck. Its work, suck it up. In your thirties you realize a roof over your head and food on your table is more important than a misguided cause. Sure, if you feel very strongly and it is justified, be a whistle blower. There is enough corruption in the corporations that we need some whistle blowing, but understand that you will most likely just hurt yourself. You can be a sell out, but you don’t have to buy in.

• “Don’t get you honey where you get your money” a country radio DJ said that once. Its true. There are so many sayings about this that you’d think people would learn. Sure, you are with that person all the time and will probably have shared interests, but this could be career suicide and an HR nightmare. If you HAVE to date at the office, be sure that you are up on HR policies and still ask yourself, is online dating that hard?

Keeping Up with the Jones

• Stop. Just stop. Generation X especially has had to weather many a recession dating back to our infancy in the 70’s, the crash of 1989 when we were teens, and the Internet bubble of 2001, and the home mortgage and bank crisis of 2008. If you have a job and can pay your bills, good. That is an accomplishment in itself. There are some lucky bastards out there that seem to be untouched by market trends and other disasters. I bet their shit don’t stink too. Good for them. If you are barely making it, at least you are making it. Stop worrying about social media updates of anniversaries, promotions, new jobs, new houses, and new babies. This is hard for me, especially the anniversaries and babies bit. Try to be happy for them. We all want praise and recognition but, don’t compare your life’s story to someone else’s highlight reel.

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Family

• This is a tricky one for me. I am a divorced, childless adult who is nearly forty. My dreams of motherhood are pretty much dashed. Sure, it is still biologically possible, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. I have pretty much decided that ship has sailed and have suffered enough about that fact for one life time. Remember, people often will try to justify their lifestyle choices by judging yours.

• Because I am a divorced, childless adult nearly forty, I have no status in my family. None. Although I used to host the occasional holiday, no one is coming to the trendy Northside to my cute, but small one bedroom apartment for a meal no matter how gourmet and delicious the food is or how much the wine and conversation sparkles. Sure, the pressure is off and I clean my apartment mostly for my own sanity rather than the threat of guests. It still hurts that I have to hope I get an invite to my brother’s house and be an addition to his family rather than having a family of my own. It hurts, I won’t lie. But then again, I have consider amount free time and I answer to no one and that is about as awesome as you imagine it to be. I can be a role model of a happy, successful woman, single or otherwise.

• I still want to get married again. Why lie? I loved being married even though my husband literally drove me crazy. It is nice to have a partner and have someone on your side. Of course being single is WAY better than being stuck in a bad marriage. Being in a bad romantic relationship feels like you can’t breathe. I can be a good wife for the right man. I think men who get serious about a woman knows that this is the end game for most of us. If they knew how much they benefited from marriage, perhaps they wouldn’t be so shy about it. When I get remarried, I am not going to be one of those older, second time around embarrassed brides. So, I’m not a virgin. I look bad in white anyway. My next wedding is going to be to a man worthy of me and there is going to be cake, food, booze, flowers, my nieces will be flower girls. There is going to dancing, belly dancers, music, and even fire throwers if I can pull it off. The man in the running to be my next husband knows a lot of creative people. I’m not embarrassed I will be getting married again. I don’t even regret being married the first time. I did nothing wrong. But this next time I’m going to do it right and it will be forever. And there will be cake.

Body Issues

• My weight has varied widely in my adult life. I have gone up and down seventy to hundred pounds at least twice in twenty years. I am going back down. I have been as small as a size 14 and as large as a 24. Right not I am about a size 20 which is my default setting, apparently. I am losing weight now just to avoid diabetes and heart disease, but vanity is still a major factor in my passing up temptation. Only, now I am eating so much better gravy looks and tastes disgusting and pretty much every dessert tastes cloyingly sweet. Gravity and time have been amazingly kind to me. I love my breasts although I am sometimes embarrassed by how big they are. My curves and tiny waist are enviable. My ass is big, round, shapely, like the stuff of rap songs. I don’t like my stomach and I’m working on it but I don’t hate it. Why hate the body which is the lovely, healthy, functional vessel for my soul? I still have a lot of weight to lose and I am trying to give up smoking. I so regret starting in the first place. It is the hardest habit I’ve ever had to break. Now that I like my life, I’d like to be around a lot longer if only to make up for the time when I hated myself, my life, and tried so hard to end it both actively and passively. There is still time to make up for lost time.

Sex

• Sex is so much better in your thirties than in your twenties and I don’t blame my partners for it either. Even though my ex-husband was a closet homosexual, or really, kind of more towards bi on the Kinsey scale when we first met, I’d like to go on record that he was a good lover and he tried his best. Women give points for effort, a lot of points. I am sure there is some biological and physiological reasons for why sex is better for women in their thirties and our much rumored and documented sexual peak not withstanding. But here are some things I have learned about sex in my thirties I did not know before.

• Although the first orgasm takes a bit more effort and more direct stimulation, I am not as afraid to ask for said stimulation and the orgasms after that initial orgasm are stronger and more frequent. Earth shattering is not an understatement.

• There is such a thing as internal and external orgasms, although I don’t think all women know about it but I think most are capable. I think we just tell women not all of us can have vaginal orgasms to make those that haven’t yet feel better about it. Yes, the clitoris is the source for all orgasms and the “G-spot” is not all that elusive and is just the under side of the clitoris. I am physiologically lucky in the my G-spot is not especially deep and is accessible with just one finger or even a modestly endowed partner.

• As far as male size is concerned, there is a point of diminishing returns. There is such a thing as too small where it barely feels like he’s in at all or positions are somewhat limited. But really, if you really love him or want him, you can work with what he’s got. Do not underestimate the power and creativity of fingers and a well placed tongue.

• Swallowing is not necessary.

• Internet porn as ruined just about every man under the age of 35.

• Men over the age of 35 tend to have less “dick-centric” sex, are more giving, and way more appreciative in bed. Instead of keeping score with how many women they have had, they keep score with how often and how well they can satisfy you because they have figured out one women is hard enough.

There Must Be SOMEthing I Can Do!

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I got dumped by my girlfriend of a year and a half, we are both in college and go to school in different states, but the distance was never a problem. I tried to visit her as much as I could and every time I saw her it was nice and we had a lot of fun. Two weeks after I got back things got rocky. And we tried to work them out, but she came to a conclusion that she wants to break up, she said she wanted to “experience new things”. I’m still not sure what she means. She said she wanted to be “single for a while”. I have been trying to move on for some time now it has been about 2 months and I still can’t stop thinking about her. I have the same dream with her in it every night. I miss everything about her, her smell her touch, her voice, her smile. I think what we had was something special, and at one point we both thought that, she had said it many times. She said that “what we have is rare and only comes along once” so I don’t understand why she broke up with me.

I would like to think I was a good boy friend. I sent her a message every morning saying “have a great day! I love you” and every night “Have sweet dreams”. I wrote poems, sent her little gifts just because. When we were going out her friends boyfriends would get mad at me because of the nice things I did. I tried everything I could to make her happy. I never cheated on her, never hit her, never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I like cuddling more than anything sexual. I tried to make her laugh when ever I could. I loved her with all my heart.

Now she seems like she is happy without me, and I don’t believe that she could have gotten over what we had so quickly. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back because I believe we are meant to be together. So I am asking if there is anything I can do to get her back? Or to get a second chance?

If you could help me that would help me so unbelievably much. It would get back a piece of I’m missing. ~Broken Hearted~

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Dear BH: The Bitter Single Guy wishes he was there to give you the big hug that you obviously need and to pat you on the back in a comforting way (pat-pat-pat).

Yours is the classic story of being dumped; there’s no other way to describe it. Although it’s certainly of little comfort, the BSG assures you that everyone else who’s out there in Dating Land has felt what you feel today (including the BSG).  Here are some key points:

·         Your main question is how to get her back. Buck up, BH…you can’t have her back. Yes, it’s possible that she could spend some time out there in the big world then decide that you were the best boyfriend ever and come sniveling back into your arms, but if it’s already been two months the BSG thinks it’s unlikely. You’ve been dumped…accept it.

·         You don’t know how she could have moved on so quickly? It’s because she actually started moving on several months ago. It’s not easy being the Dumpee, but it’s also pretty brutal being the Dumper. The BSG is pretty sure that your Departed Damsel thought a lot about breaking up with you before she actually did it. So the reason that Departed Damsel seems so well adjusted is that the last part of her adjustment was the breakup, even though it was only the first part for you.

·         You’re dreaming of her every night? BH you’re breaking the BSG’s heart here! Know that grieving for something lost is a necessary and healthy process that you simply have to go through. You’ll be sad, you’ll have bad dreams (when you can sleep), you’ll be lethargic and generally not very much fun to be around. But believe the BSG when he tells you that it will get better. That said, if you start losing weight because you’re not eating, or if you can’t seem to get yourself out of the house for more than a few days at a time, the BSG strongly recommends seeking professional help to get you through this.  But again…you will get through this.

·         Departed Damsel told you she wants to be single for awhile? Ouch, BH. The BSG knows (as his readers do) what it’s like to be told that she’d rather be with no one than be with you. Here comes the tough message BH, so brace yourself. The BSG doesn’t think Departed Damsel actually wants to be single. He thinks she just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. For that reason, don’t be shocked if Departed Damsel suddenly starts seeing someone else in the next short while.

You see BH, the problem is that while you were deliriously happy in your relationship, Departed Damsel wasn’t. There was something missing for her and she likely spent part of the time you were together trying to get that need filled (whatever it was). None of this is easy to hear BH, but it’s what getting dumped is all about.

OK now it’s time for a little tough love BH. The BSG doesn’t know the details, so he can only respond to what’s in your letter and there’s one little section that concerns him. You sent daily notes of love and encouragement, never forgot an important date, wrote poems, and liked cuddling more than sex? While that seems right out off the Good Boyfriend Manual, the BSG and you both know that sometimes we can have too much of a good thing. BH the BSG wants you to think about whether you were a little smothering in your care and attention? Honestly, the BSG didn’t have any concerns until the ‘cuddling more than sex’ part, because you know…sex is pretty important to lots of people. Like he said, the BSG doesn’t know the details, so just wants you to think objectively about that.

BH, take care of yourself and let your friends be there for you and he promises that one day you’ll wake up and not feel like you’ve been stomped on. ~BSG~

Tired of The Yo-Yo

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I pretty much know the answer to this question but I need someone objective to beat it into me.  A little over a year ago I became involved in a lesbian relationship with a co-worker.  First it was all hot and heavy sex in the company bathroom and sleep-overs almost every night.  But because she just had left a long relationship she kept telling me she didn’t want to date. 

Sometimes though, calling me her girlfriend, then other times reminding me weren’t “together.” Whenever I seemed to broach the subject, she got jumpy.  I don’t know if this is because she just got out of a relationship or because she just wasn’t so into me but it seemed like she was from all the texts and sleeping over.  Anyway we had a few major blow-outs that would end with her saying she just wanted to be friends but eventually we’d end up back in bed and seemed to be “dating” again. 

A few months ago, after a blow-out I ended up sleeping with a man and getting pregnant.  The night before I “took care” of the pregnancy I find out she slept with one of my close friends.  I think out of feelings of guilt for what she did and what I was going through, she said she realized she loved me and wanted to “work it out” with me, even bringing up moving in together.  Two weeks later I pissed her off and she dumped me….via text message.  So there was no “work” behind the “working it out.”  My question is should I be angry about getting strung along and why do people do that? And if I’m not over her, how can we friends?  Granted we still work together…which majorly sucks! ~In Over My Head~

Dear IOMH: Gracious girl, you ARE in a pickle aren’t you? There is much to say here, but you’re not asking the BSG how to avoid getting into similar pickles next time (although he has some opinions there).  Your question specifically is whether you should be angry about being strung along and why people act that way.  Good question IOMH.

First it’s important to know that your Fickle Fig wasn’t likely trying to send mixed messages or string you along. She was trying to, as we all occasionally do, balance her head and her heart. Her head was likely telling her (and you, via her mouth) that a relationship was a bad idea, while her heart (and various other parts, apparently) were sending a very different message. This isn’t because Fickle Fig is a bad person, but is just because in order to broker peace between her head and her heart, she had compromised for both. 

As this all progressed however, she had the chance to set some better boundaries and chose not to. It’s clear that Fickle Fig isn’t likely to set any useful boundaries where you’re concerned, so you and the BSG both know that it’s up to you.  

Based on your experiences with relationships recently, the BSG recommends you spend some time single; hanging out with friends and taking care of yourself after some difficult times. If you miss the physical parts (so to speak) of your relationship with Fickle Fig (or the dude you slept with), well the BSG hears that there are appliances for that…appliances that always set good boundaries and never send mixed messages.  ~BSG~

References

Time to Pull The Plug?

When Blogging Backfires

Always the Friend, Never the Good Stuff

Letting Him Down Easily

Guide to Online Personals

Backed Into A Corner

Seeking Perfection

Webtalk Loveawake

Cross-Atlantic Marriage

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dating Advice to the Advice Guy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Searching For a Soul-Mate

When Humor Hurts

What Being Dumped Looks Like

 

Renovate Your “Social Circle” Closet

 Everyone has a story and if you listen carefully to those stories I guarantee that from each you can glean a new lesson or something of inspiration.

Last Friday I marked the decision to not compete with the addition of new tattoo, one that I posted about a few weeks ago. Tattooing is a very soulful experience for me.

It can represent anything from the end of a chapter with a new beginning to a massive shift or learning experience in my life.

This one was not unlike the others. And like all others I became engrossed in a conversation with the tattoo artist.

A deep conversation about life ensued and we found ourselves on a topic that I am not a stranger to, the power of removing negative influences from your life.

She told me a story…one that will leave you speechless and reflecting on your “closet”.

A woman who was morbidly obese lost over 200lbs without so much as lifting one weight or running one block.

Her doctors were confounded and could not understand how without alterations to diet and exercise she was able to do this.

Her answer was simple and powerful, she told them that she simply removed everyone from her life that was had a negative influence or energy around her. Unbelievably what followed suit was the notable loss of weight.

Perhaps you are sitting there thinking it not possible. Let me tell you from first hand experience that the negative people suck you dry, emotional muggers I call them.

The friends who think that it is ridiculous that you want to go to the gym instead of our to eat.

The family member who calls you up just as you are about to go for a run to complain about their life and guilt you into talking to them instead.

The grandmother who makes you feel like a horrible person for not eating her food.

The colleague who taunts you with stressors all day leaving you exhausted and opting to go home and is in front of the tv with a bag of chips.

Indeed you are the one who lets these people affect you. Victimization doesn’t have a home here at How Does She Do It Mom…so you have to own that responsibility.

However with the awareness of what these people do to your life you have the choice to remain entangled in relationships and allow yourself to be affected by them or to take care of yourself.

My “social circle closet” as I call it has been renovated many times.

As I grew people drifted away from me.

As I evolved I lost intrest in placating to the whims of the “Negative Nancy’s” who were doing nothing but trying to bring me down.

As I became more self-assured I lost patience for the “high-school” bullshit that people would levy at me.

My stress level has decreased.

The word “guilt” no longer exists in my vocabulary of emotions.

The relationships that I chose to maintain are with people who are genuine, authentic and who share positive energy with me.

My life has changed inconceivably because of this.

The woman above had a new lease on life.

Perhaps a renovation is in order in your own closet?

How Does She Do It Mom – “The Voice Of The Woman You Used To Be…And Are Looking For”

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I want my husband back

 Dear Dr. Ellen: Please tell me how I make myself more and more desirable to win my husband back. He has to give me the chance to prove to him that I have changed. We've not been husband and wife now for almost eight months and separated a total of almost 3 years. I love him more than he can ever imagine. I know he will want me again if he will only open his heart. How do I do that? I know I can. I've made so many wonderful changes in myself and continue to do so! But this loneliness without him gets worse and worse. No one else will, or can ever take his place or even be close to what he is. So, even if I was with someone else, the loneliness and missing him and everything about him would make no difference. - Sally

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My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

Dear Sally: Unfortunately, you have been separated and not lived as husband and wife for a long time. It is easy to live in the past and be in love with the memories you have had together. It is even easier to live in the future and picture your life as it used to be when you were happy together. The problem is that the PRESENT, which hasn't existed for quite some time, doesn't exist. While you are thinking and dreaming about him, your husband has probably gone on to make a new life for himself. Here is the impossible to answer question I always get asked. How can I make someone love me again if he won't talk to me or see me? The answer is, of course, that it is impossible to show him the changes you have made if he will not talk to you or see you. I am going to assume that you have tried and he hasn't responded. There is no way to force someone's heart to open. I am a great believer that if a relationship is "meant to be" then in time the two of you will get back together. The problem for you is, "How do you fill your time until he comes to the realization that you are the love of his life?" You can't speed up the time for him to realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. He may have to experience life without you for the next two, five or even ten years before that happens. In the meantime, continue working on yourself. Keep growing, changing and becoming the best woman you can be, not to get him back, but for your own personal fulfillment. Continue learning from your past mistakes and make wiser decisions and choices in the future.

I always find it amazing that so many couples who are unable to have children finally adopt and then miraculously get pregnant. Once they relax and put their energy and focus into other areas, they wind up with what they couldn't have. I find it is exactly the same for women/men who finally stop waiting for a boyfriend/girlfriend or a husband/wife to come back into their lives. As soon as they fall in love again or pursue a career and stop thinking about the past and are very involved in their current life, the phone rings and there he/she is again. The boyfriend/girlfriend who left, or husband/wife who had an affair, wants to start over again. It seems that when you are busy doing other things and involved in living your life, the very thing that you kept hoping for, magically occurs. Anyone waiting for a phone call knows that as soon as they leave for a second, the phone rings. When you just sit and wait for that phone to ring it never does. So my advice is to get on with your life as if he is never coming back. If he doesn't come back, at least you haven't wasted your life waiting for him. If he does come back, you will have gained valuable life experiences during that time that should help you in the future. - Dr. Ellen