вторник, 24 декабря 2019 г.

Backpage: The Results (AKA: Epic Fail)


So…. last Tuesday night was the Big Online Dating Expansion Appointment. (For those who missed it, the story of why I had to get it is here.) And it can only be described as one of the most epically awful experiences ever.  I’ll spare you the details of everything I’ve done over the last few years to try and lessen the back pain – you already know I’ve seen more specialists than Heidi Montag’s seen the sharp side of a scalpel. But despite the difficulty, I was determined to get this monstrosity made into something meaningful; I could be proud of again.
Monday night, avoiding all advice against psyching myself out, I got barely a couple of hours sleep in apprehension, tossing and turning until about 2am. I spent most of Tuesday researching options for lessening the pain of tattooing over skin that’s already extremely sensitive, bought a topical anaesthetic which would supposedly numb the skin… only to be told by the online dating artist around lunchtime that it was a bad idea. It would be great if my procedure was going to be less than 45 minutes. Otherwise, for the remaining 2 hours, as it started to wear off, I’d feel all the pain I’d previously been numbed to on top of the new pain I’d be experiencing as he continued, and on top of the already existing condition, it would probably be “unbearable”. His advice: save it for when I come back to get chunks shaded in smaller blocks of time.
So Tuesday. 4:45 pm. I stop at an ATM, take out $300 and head over to the tattoo parlour, feeling slightly sheepish in a white tank top and a black and pink skirt.  They were playing Daft Punk followed by the Spice Girls though, so I couldn’t be that out of place.  They printed the oversized new design, and took me in to get prepped. I’ve had New Orleans backpages – I knew what to expect.  I was silently praying for a case of mind over matter, that somehow the pain would be lifted just for a couple of hours so I could get this taken care of.
It didn’t start off too badly, but about 15 minutes in he was already asking if I was okay because my back was “jumping” a lot. The muscles were going into spasm – just like they did for the longest time before I started going for regular massage at the slightest touch. My face was down on the chair; I held my breath hoping the tears would be held back too. 20 minutes in and it was already excruciating. He’d started way out over my left shoulderblade, it being the “better” side of my back, but as he got closer to the spine it became more and more unbearable. I couldn’t help the tears, and I felt like a spectacular loser. I’d told him about my back problem when I initially made the appointment, but I don’t know if he remembered.  I took a break, caught my breath, and decided to keep going. I found myself exhaling, afraid to take a breath in for fear of it hurting more, whispering “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” between needlings.  But it wasn’t okay. The muscles kept spasming, and then my whole body started shaking, just like when I got the cortisone shots.  I couldn’t stop, and suddenly I was taken over by fear and pain.  I knew if it was this bad on the left side of my back, the ‘bad side’ wasn’t going to happen. I’d been defeated.
I heard the artist talking loudly, words of this being “a first in all his seventeen years of tattooing” and how there’d be no way he’d ever be able to get it to line up again,” and how I still had to pay him for the whole thing despite only having a quarter of an outline finished. $320 including my deposit, and I left sobbing, my head flooded with all the old voices that told me I wasn’t good enough or strong enough. That not only was I going to have to continue to wear this badge proclaiming my past mistakes, but I have to add another to it, telling the world I just made another one, drawing attention to my former naivety, and ridiculing my present efforts at ridding myself of it.
On the way to the appointment, I’d come up with an idea I thought would help me through it. None of us can write a new past for ourselves, but we can make the choice to start writing a new ending. I wasn’t going to “erase” my past with laser removal, I was going to embrace it for the lessons it taught me, the person it made me, and add to it, it becoming part of something bigger and better, more meaningful; still there, comprising yet also hidden by the person I am today. I thought this would help me get through it, but now it feels like a punishment. That I must be made to wear this badge of past failures, and that I would be made to live with constant pain, day in and day out ensuring I cannot cover it up.
But I have to remind myself that nothing that’s worth doing is done easily. The process of personal transformation was sparked by things nobody should have to experience, though I’m not ready to share those just yet. The most difficult times have led to a determination to change them, and I’m confident I’m doing all I can to achieve that.  But it all seems so easy in comparison to ongoing physical pain, when all you want is for your body to have the strength to be a reflection of the person your mind has worked so hard to become.
Lesson learned? No, if the lesson is that I must resign myself to being branded with my past mistakes. I can’t do anything I can keep trying physical therapy, but I don’t know if it’s working. The effects are fleeting and expensive. I have to accept that in its current state, my back (and bank account) isn’t going to be able to handle another attempt at tattooing.  So, I must find another option. Laser tattoo removal? Perhaps. Though there are only two places in the city that do it – one accompanied with a barrage of horror stories about Portland personals, also costing an arm and a leg, and the other, a cosmetic surgery clinic, an awkward experience in that I worked there for all of three days before quitting based on moral objections. Wouldn’t that be fun to go back? Apparently it hurts just as much, and is just as expensive, and would take just as many sittings as finishing the backpage dating. Which apparently can’t be done, because “there’s no way my back will be able to take it in this condition, and there’s no way the design would be able to be lined up again.”
This is what I am left with.  It looks strange and unattractive, but isn’t that often what the road to growth is?  It’s not cookie-cutter, it’s incomplete, and it’s not something, at first glance, one would wish for. But it’s real. It’s a representation of a determination to face my past and embrace it, and of trying to make it part of who I am no matter how painful the process. On Wednesday I met with another Sarasota backpage dating, somewhere infinitely more understanding, more welcoming, with more impressive portfolios. I was told about the options of going to my doctor to get some strong pain killers prescribed before coming in, and that yes, they could work in small sections – but it was going to be incredibly costly to do it that way.  At this point, I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  But until I figure it out, I will wear this disfigurement knowing that one day, with guts, strength and tenacity, and  it will become something beautiful.

четверг, 19 декабря 2019 г.

Chock full of pride and inspiration


A couple of months ago, I posted something I’d been holding back for a little while: how I honestly feel about living away from England.  Though I still don’t quite feel at home here, I am thankful for everything my time in Canada has taught and brought me… but every once in a while I can’t help but feel terribly homesick.

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Like the whole of last week, when a small phenomenon known as Britain’s Got Talent took over the UK and the whole of the Internet. Now, stay with me here, I know America’s Got Talent has a bit of a bad reputation – but BGT brought us Susan Boyle, Paul Potts, and Diversity – the street dance crew that set the bar for the future of modern dance, combining innovative DJing, INSANE synchronization, unpredictable moves, comedy, surprises and stories throughout, pretty much rendering every former style obsolete.  I remember watching last year’s final, eating my tea with my mouth open and my fork stuck mid-air, not being able to take my eyes off them for a second.
This year, I was a little nervous the acts wouldn’t live up to last year’s standard. But with the strange, the compelling yet vomit-worthy (yes, a regurgitator made it to the semi finals – and tore at the country’s heartstrings!), and the downright bizarre have also come moments of sheer genius that have given me goosebumps, and had me giving standing ovations in my living room, applauding like a madwoman. (This is why we have curtains.)
What I love about this competition is that it gives the opportunity to showcase not only variety, but imagination, something different, and gives ordinary people a platform upon which to surprise the world. This year’s final was nothing short of STUNNING, and I honestly had no idea who’d take the title for 2010 and go on to perform for the Queen. Here are some of the acts that made my SPINE tingle with awesomeness:
Spelbound - a young gymnastics troupe who auditioned to Carmina Burana, with routines including human cannonballs, bodies as skipping ropes, launching bodies over the judging panel and SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH, balancing upside down, on their heads, sideways on a single hand, building stories, drama, and will literally make your jaw drop to the floor. I’ve never seen anything quite so exhilarating and awe-inspiring (and so proud they’ll be representing the country – amazing winners!!)

Forget ‘sorry’; goodbye’s the hardest word

Saying goodbye after the Fringe every year ALWAYS breaks my heart, and I find myself immediately counting down the days until we can do it all over again. But that heart also radiates an enormous appreciation for having such a brilliant friend, who, despite living thousands of miles away, will be one for life.


In the too-near future, while I’m away in England next week, I’m also going to have to say goodbye to another good friend. I’ve been fortunate not to have had to have been separated from too many people in my life; other than once, last year, one left for B.C. to pursue his Masters, which was hard, but other than that, I think the only other time I had to face separation was when I left England ten years ago.  But in the next week and a bit, I’m going to have to say goodbye to someone else.

Ted has, shockingly, only been in my life for the last 3 months, 11 hours, and 8 minutes (ever go in your Facebook inbox and find the very first message exchanged with someone? Try it, it’s fun!), but it seems like we should’ve been friends forever. We met online through Facebook Friend Suggestions, and it turned out we had quite a few people in common. After about a month of exchanging emails, we met up in person (yes, out in public, and yes, my back was covered just in case) and talked for HOURS.  I was worried about what Sweet might think, me going out to meet a bloke off the Internet, but he all for it, fully supportive of my huge (and rather sad) desire to make friends. So I went. And it was brilliant. Conversation was effortless, intelligent, and fun. We were reading the same book, we both had random philosophical ponderings, and we both wanted to set goals for ourselves. Again, friendship was almost instantaneous, and over the last few weeks we’ve shared hours of coffee and wanderings around the city, sharing hopes and dreams, plans, goals, and life stories. He wanted to keep a journal, so I got one for his trip; I wanted to learn to sing in front of people, he invited me to karaoke and told me I’d be great. (Sidenote: THIS WEDNESDAY. HOLD ME.) True friends do that – they’re there to listen to all the good things and bad things about you and still like you, encourage you, and want to stick around anyway.  Kind of like the big brother I always wanted.
We went to the Fringe last week, when he broke the news: he’s being transferred to Ontario. Permanently. Being face-to-face I had to stifle tears!! I was thrilled about the new opportunity, but so sad it had to come so soon – and of course while I’m out of the country. I came home and whined about it to Sweet so much that I completely forgot a writing deadline! That night I got a text message – “don’t worry. Everything has a reason for happening. I’m still here for now, me leaving is in the future.”  Did I not mention? That book we were both reading was A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle (review to come!), author of The Power of Now, next up on my list. This friend has introduced me to the whole idea of living in the present without worrying so much about the future – something I’m forever going to try to live by. It’s funny how some people’s chapters in our lives can be so brief, but the difference they’ve made can last so much longer.
But for the next couple of weeks, I’m not going to think about saying goodbye.  Because today, it’s easier than ever to stay in touch with the people that mean the most. I’ve been out of England for ten years, and someone I met when I was about twelve remains one of my closest friends to this day. In a couple of weeks, I’ll be spending a couple of days with someone who lived across the street when I was 9, 10 years old, congratulating her on her upcoming wedding. Time and distance may be intimidating, but ultimately prove no match for those people that are firmly planted in your life, and in your heart.  Except now I really have to get on Skype more than once every three months. And stop being so afraid of the telephone. Although there’s something quite lovely about a handwritten letter every now and again. :)
Have you ever had to say goodbye to a friend? Do they know how much impact they’ve had on your life? It’s important I think, every now and again, to tell people how much they mean. Farewell Shelby and Ted, but only for now.

It’s Time to Be Happy Single From Pennsylvania


Being single’s a tricky thing. For some, it can be a happy experience, while for others, not so much. So here’s a few reminders why if you’re single, you ought not be so unhappy. You’ve got nothing to worry about! It’s time to be happy single.

Own Your Feelings

The ability to feel all those wonderful emotions such as joy, accomplishment, confidence etc., is yours. Not somebody else’s to give to you.


And thank God right? Because imagine if the only way a person could feel anything good, was through the mercy of someone else. Imagine if happiness wasn’t a decision, but a thing one had to wait to have bestowed upon them at some point in their life. Wouldn’t that suck?
Look, I know these are all silly scenarios, but there are some single women in the world right now feeling down in the dumps because to them, they’re not quite sure how it is they’ll ever be happy without that special guy or gal in their life. But this is what I mean by waiting for happiness to be bestowed unto you. Don’t get me wrong, there is happiness to be felt in a relationship. But, if you don’t know how to be happy on your own, then not even the happiness of a relationship can ever be enough for you.
The real bestower of happiness in your life is you. I’ll admit, it’s scary at first when you think about the responsibilities of having to take on your own happiness. But trust me, it’s worth it. No one can bring it about the way that you can. So close your eyes and go for it.

Take Your Time

There is victory in not being with the wrong sort of guy.

Sometimes, some single women get mad at the fact that mostly every guy they come across seems to be this, that or the other. Not realizing that there is that flip side where they could be the girl who’s with the guy that’s this, that or the other. More so, they don’t know that some of us don’t know the things that they do right off-the-bat. And that some of us have to find all these things out, the hard way. (You know, when we’ve been through them at least eighty million times.) So take pride in the fact that right off-the-bat, you were the sort of woman with the intuition to detect that something was off about a certain so-and-so you were looking into, had the smarts to know that you deserved better, and were full of the strength it took to walk away. Don’t be mad that you can’t seem to find a guy who’s anything but proud that you aren’t the lady of a guy (or gal), who’s not right for you.
“You’ve still got all your love to give.”
And that is to quote Gloria Gaynor in the song “I Will Survive.” Love isn’t limited to people. Or more specifically, that special someone. Have you ever considered loving life? Loving what you do? Loving you? So there isn’t a special someone in your life with whom you’re giving this “love” to? That’s okay. Because there is so much more to living. Heck, life’s a journey. Don’t pass up the opportunity to learn and grow because you limited the definition of the word love. Don’t get me wrong—having someone to go on the journey with is awesome. But, if you’re at that point in your journey where you must travel alone, then that’s just where you are. Just because the path calls for you to travel alone doesn’t mean that it’ll teach you one less thing, or grow you in one less way. As long as you have your dreams, hopes, aspirations and things that you’re passionate about doing, then you can trust that you’re headed somewhere great. A traveling companion, or lack thereof, won’t change that.

Nothing lasts forever.      
So in the meantime, why not work on you? If you don’t believe me, go ahead and test fate. Be single forever. You, with all that you have going for you? I dare you to try.
But, before you embark on this dare, I don’t mean be a ‘B’ to everyone you meet or pack your bags and move to the top of Mount Everest. I’m saying, while being you, and striving each day to be the truest and best version of yourself, try being single for the rest of your life. Tell yourself that lie of how you, with all your qualities, are destined to be forever alone. Maybe you may not like yourself enough to believe that you’re awesome enough to bring this “age of single-ness” to a close. (If so, you need to change how you think right now!) But if a diamond can turn back into coal (granted, this is after a long, long while) then you’re not going to be single forever. But, if you don’t believe me—hey—my dare still stands.

среда, 18 декабря 2019 г.

What You Can Learn From Her Tattoo


Body art. Ink. Tats. Whatever you call ’em, tattoo shave been around since at least Neolithic times. And with a 2008 Harris Interactive Poll finding that 32 percent of Americans aged 25 to 29 have at least one, there’s a pretty good chance your average bar hottie is permanently decorated. But what compels a woman to get adornments once reserved for Hell’s Angels and sailors, what do they mean, and how do they affect for your chances?

“Tattoos are a search for identity, and they are usually meaningful, significant, and important…apart from the times girls get them when they’re drunk and out of their minds,” notes John Ryder, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in New York City. “In essence women with tattoos are a bit on the wilder side, and are willing to take risks that are avant-garde. Even though trendy, it’s still risqué.”

In other words, a tramp stamp means you’re totally getting laid tonight? Not necessarily. Here are 11 real girls’ tattoos, their thoughts on them, plus analysis from another psychologist, San Francisco’s Jeffrey Kaye, Ph.D. and, of course, yours truly. No doubt this info will improve your odds of seeing the tats she’s rocking where the sun don’t shine. Good luck! (P.s.—We’ll cover the fantastic Mrs. Fox’s tattoo at the very bottom.)

She says: “I got it because I’m Catholic. My brother back home is into tattoos and for graduation he got me a tattoo for a forever memory. I got it on my wrist because I like the way it looks.” Veronica, 22, Texas
Doc says: This tattoo is a kind of identification badge, in this case with one’s brother. This could bode well or ill for a future 
relationship. She’ll either bond closely to a new boyfriend, or have difficulties because she can’t really emotionally leave her brother and/or her family.
We say: Religious chick meets bad girl. She may have past issues and needs a constant reminder of her faith, since the cross is in a spot she can view daily. Don’t be put off by the symbolism, though. This angel’s packing at least a pinch of devil.

She says: “I got it when I turned 18. I wanted it on my forearm because I could see it everyday, so it would remind me to stay positive and content and always remember I’m blessed” Angela, 22, Florida
Doc says: This tattoo has a very private and emotional meaning. She seeks internal meanings and guarantees against outer emotional pains or difficulties. She will be hard to read, and will let you into her world only slowly.
We say: She may be going for innocence, but butterflies are still a heckuva lot more 
sexy than, say, caterpillars. Get her talking by asking whether she’s made a similar transition.

She says: “I spent seven years living in Pittsburgh with my best friend from college/grad school, so when I left, I wanted to get something that showed my pride. Andy Warhol is from Pittsburgh, and they have a big free museum we’d spend a lot of time in, so I got the banana he did for the Velvet Underground album cover (also one of my favorite bands in college) with the A next to it for Andy (and my best friend, Amber).”Sarah, 29, New York
Doc says: This woman identifies a good deal with the intellectual and artsy life. The meanings are somewhat personal and hard to identify if you don’t know her. Perhaps she likes being mysterious and opaque, like modern art itself.
We say: Very cool, and definitely worth asking about. Warning: Though not true for Sarah, if a girl has initials or a letter as part of her tattoo, it could be in reference to an ex. 
Watch out for him to come up at some point.

She says: “I wanted a tattoo about my sexuality, and my pride in it, but I wanted a different way of showing it. I picked 3 flowers, which I found online and edited so they weren’t too spread out to get tattoos on my hip. Each of the flowers is a color of the Bisexual Pride flag: pink, purple, and blue (same order as the flag). I added the Chinese symbols for pride, and a symbol for bisexuality, to add to its uniqueness.” Tracy, 22, New York
Doc says: This tattoo symbolizes a signal point in Tracy’s struggle to be who she is sexually, and a statement of her uniqueness. The flowers don’t touch, and yet they must not be “too spread out.” She has accepted her bisexuality, but her ability to be emotionally close to others is something she is still working on.
We say: Calling your bluff if you didn’t think of a threesome when you saw the three flowers.
And it might not be out of the question…

She says: “It was a point in my life where I decided that I didn’t want to be the person that I once was. My Genesis rib tattoo symbolizes a new beginning.” Courtney, 20, Illinois
Doc says: One can’t help but be struck by the religious connotations, and the literalness of the tattoo. No doubt it does signify what Courtney says. When she says “new beginning,” she means transformation. She is still in the process.
We say: Watch out for this girl (in a good way). She’s become a new person and isn’t turning back. Bring some positive energy to the table and you might get to use some of it on the table.

She says: “I have a heart with a rose and stem through it above my right breast. At the time, it was a remembrance of the broken heart. To me it means “every rose has its thorns.” Renee, 26, Georgia
Doc says: The tattoo often is a symbol which acts to express the totality of an experience or a relationship. Here, Renee displays for the world her shame over her lost 
love, but also her victory over that shame.
We say: Any girl with a tattoo of something piercing a heart has been seriously hurt. So help her mend her heart, dude. When you learn what that other guy did, don’t do it!

She says: “I got this on my arm because it’s an African symbol that means God’s protection and wisdom. To me, it’s my amulet or talisman and it reminds me that no matter what happens, I will be ok.” Erin, 39, California
Doc says: Erin needed an amulet or talisman. It’s 
interesting how many tattoos are used by women as some kind of magical protection, not least because women are much more vulnerable to attack and hurt in the world.
We say: If you send this girl a similar signal of protectiveness—listening, a warm hug, defending her from a sloppy drunk—only good things can happen.

She says: “My husband got his tattoo on his wrist when he was stationed in Japan, so I copied him. It is my connection to him.” Lydia, 21, Texas
Doc says: Lydia’s description seems sincere to me. Sealing in the flesh one’s bond to another is one of the powerful magnetic draws of getting a tattoo.
We say: Stars are a simple, yet meaningful symbol. Don’t try to steal this girl’s spotlight.
Let her shine, and she will shine for you.

She says: “I got angels on my shoulder when my three best friends moved away. Each angel is a different color, and they symbolize us watching each others back.” Rose, 25, Pennsylvania
Doc says: The idea that they must watch each other’s backs has significance in that the three friends must have experienced the world as a dangerous place. Look for this woman to test your trustworthiness.
We say: This girl is connected to her girlfriends in a very powerful way. The horns indicate they’re no angels. Do not cross her, or you might be looking at a drive-by.
 
She says: “This tattoo is in French and translates to ‘fear imprisons, faith liberates.’ I just got out of a nine-year relationship and its my motto. It took me a long time to finally leave because I was scared. This reminds me that it’s all going to be ok with faith in God.” Katherine, 31, New York
Doc says: The experience was harrowing. This tattoo is a talisman, and putting it in French is a way of psychologically distancing or intellectualizing the experience. Katherine did persevere, but she didn’t get out without some scars.
We say: This girl made a mistake, but is now free. Free and ready to mingle with a guy who won’t scare her, maybe you. Also, it probably wouldn’t hurt to drop a little French on her.
 
She says: “I wanted something big, and my lower back was the perfect place. I don’t really feel like I get judged for having it. People say it’s a tramp stamp, but most of the people I know have one.” Amber, 23, Florida
Doc says: For Amber, it was important to find a way to make her sexuality clean, so vaguely vaginal imagery is combined with innocence (dolphins) and the beauty of a sun.
We say: It’s trashy-hot, yes, but it’s not necessarily a bull’s eye. She has probably endured so many comments about it that you’re best bet may be to not say a word, and simply see where the night takes you.
…As for the “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies” adorning Megan Fox’s right shoulder blade? A loose quote from King Lear. Which means this chick reads Shakespeare, dude. Or at least wants you to think she does. Our advice? If you see such an obscure literary tattoo, don’t ask, but rather, surreptitiously Google on your phone. If you can correctly ID an odd tat’s origin, and talk intelligently about it, you’ll score major points.

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What people say about my blog

I encountered the Moslitski through Twitter and she was extremely generous in giving me her time to discuss my issue. I was putting myself back in the dating pool and decided to try an online dating service. In doing so I connected with a woman who had potential. We spoke online, exchanged numbers and then began texting and speaking everyday. We finally made it known that we were both interested in going on a date. Fast forward, the date never materialized and the conversations came to a crashing hault. Enter the Moslitski! To quote the Rolling Stones, she came to my "emotional rescue".
I was so unsure as to what happened and questioned what I was doing wrong. She was so caring and assured me that, in that instance, it was not me. It was something more that was going on with her that was not being discussed. She advised me to not give up on dating because looking for a life partner takes time. There is no ONE but their are a lot that could be the one you stay with forever. Her final piece of advice was this, "The happier you are with who and what you are, the more attractive you are to other people.".
Even though she and I conversed online, it was easy to tell how interested she was in my situation and how much she truly cared for my feelings and my outcome. The Moslitski has a gift and is meant to do what she is doing...touching people's lives and sincerely making a difference. As she did for me, she will come to your emotional rescue with her experience, compassion and heart.
Sean K.

понедельник, 16 декабря 2019 г.

How To Move On After Cheating- When You Are The Cheater


One thing this life has taught me with it’s twists and turns is that you NEVER say NEVER and you don’t speak about things which you know NOTHING about. There have been several occasions in which life has taught me this. I’ve received several slaps in the face, constant reminders that I, Angela Jordan, am not perfect after all (sorry to disappoint).
These times include, but are not limited to, the declaration that pregnancy doesn’t “just happen” and my implication that those who say that are, well, stupid? 3 months later I was pregnant. And I swear, it just happened. Oh and the declaration that I would NEVER have an abortion? Well, I didn’t have one, but I thought long and hard about it. Long and hard all the way to the clinic where I then chickened out, but still, little miss judgmental was once again enlightened. The most recent time this happened to me I was one of those girls who thought that people who cheat were the scum of the earth. And guess what-I cheated.
And now being labeled a “cheater” myself I have no choice but to see the other side, once again. When this happened it challenged everything I believed about relationships, cheating, and mostly myself. I’m sharing this with you guys to help those who have cheated themselves and are left trying to pick up the pieces of a broken relationship, and those of you who have been cheated on and are left wondering why and questioning your judgement.




How To Deal With Being A “Cheater”

Good People Make Bad Choices

Cheating is a bad choice let’s face it. In a sense we become our choices, but we don’t always have to choose to be. We can choose differently next time. We can choose to not let that decision shape us and become a part of who we are. We can instead learn from it and move forward. Cheating doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s how you move on from it that determines your character. Good people make mistakes. We are all human.

Learn How To Express Yourself

Often times cheating is a result of unmet expectations. Learning how to more effectively express your expectations puts you more in control of your relationship. It’s you doing your part to give the other person a chance to abide by those expectations. I talk more about this in 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Daters, which is also a good read and can help prevent cheating on your part.

Change Is VITAL

Now here’s the hard part- change. You’ll need to identify the “why” behind what you did. You were lonely, tired, aggravated, you let someone in that you shouldn’t have-whatever the reason, you must identify it. And it must be something that pertains to YOU not something your partner did to make you to what you did. Remember, when we blame others for our actions we actually give up our power to be in control of our lives and shape our own destinies. We are saying that we allowed someone else that power- and this we should never do. Once you identify what it was-the feeling, the man we let in, the loneliness, we have to come up with alternative ways to deal with it. If you were feeling lonely and you cheated, then you are going to have come up with different ways to deal with that emotion other than filling that space with the affection of the opposite sex. Get it?
Bottom line, cheaters are not always cheaters, people can change, sometimes it requires great change, sometimes it just requires a little tweaking to our mindsets. Never judge ANYONE! You never know what the universe will place in your path that will challenge that judgement. Keep loving-yourself first, others second  .