Booty Calling Someone Before a First Date: Not a Good Idea

Last week, I received a drunk dial on Friday from a guy that I had a first date with on Saturday. Actually, make that two calls. Neither of which I answered. The next night, after waiting for 10 minutes at the designated meeting spot (which also happened to be the corner outside his apartment), I joined my friends for dinner. I received three more phone calls during dinner (which he knew about via text) and one awesome final drunk dial at 2:30 AM, which woke me up when I had an 8:30 AM flight. Now he wonders why I won't "hookah" with him next Saturday.

Oh, by the way, this entire date, besides the initial meeting, was set up via Facebook.

And this is just the latest in a virtual cesspool of technological dating errors. I've also had two Microsoft Outlook dates turninto duds. Years of drunken, college booty calls have caused intimacy and commitment issues I don't know if I'll ever overcome, and my sister is currently in a fight with her boyfriend because she didn't answer her phone for a three-hour period last night. Every night, at least one of my friends exclaims "Oh my God, he's read my BBM!! Why isn't he responding?!" And I have had not one, but two completely unrelated friends, scream at their boyfriends and have their rants transcribed, in real time, on their iphones. They had nowhere to run in the morning.

It's sad, really. Courtship has been reduced to Facebook stalking sessions and drunken booty calls. Instead of a nice message on your voicemail wondering if you'd like to catch a movie, you get a message over the internet that says, "Yo, u look hot. We want to hook up w u cutiez." Even the temptation of an illicit affair has lost its sinful appeal because you can just text six people at the same time on your Sidekick.

I'm not asking for rose petals on the bed and hundred of candles from Hobby Lobby all over the room. In fact, I think that would make me gag. But how about a phone call rather than a text conversation that takes three hours to come to fruition? How about a surprise home-cooked meal? Nothing fancy. I'll like you and you get to eat. Both important to evolutionary success. And let's be honest, that's really what this is all about. So please, shut down your computer, turn off your crackberry, and let's produce some offspring.

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Meet The Author

Hi. I'm Blair. 5' 3', blue eyes, brown hair that really needs to be washed right now. But you can see all that on my Ignighter profile. I guess what you need to know here is that my personality falls into the 'Analysis Paralysis' category. At least, that's why my ex-life coach told me right before I fired her.

Anyways, this means that I will scrutinize and over-analyze everything I see and/ or hear and/ or smell within the young urbanites' dating scene. My theories, rants and questions will wind up here, most of the time with an entertaining story or 5 about one of my friends', or my own, dating sagas (please don't take this as a reason to not date and/or befriend me). I hope you enjoy the ride, and feel free to hop on with questions and comments at any time.

Reprinited from:

https://agb-community.c4elink.org

http://xahara.bcu.ac.uk/

Would You Ask Your Grandma About Sex, Porn and Masturbation?

Neither would we. But lucky for us, the ladies at The Frisky did.

We already know that your grandmother thinks Paris Hilton is a whore. But what does she think about watching porn during sex? Masturbation? (And what is with my fascination with what octogenarians think about sex? That one remains a mystery.)

However, I can tell you what dear old grammy thinks about anal and such. Well, not your grandmother. (I have no affiliation with the Psychic Friends Network.) Nor my own grandmothers. (They both passed away when I was still under the impression that oral sex only took place over the telephone--a notion I held steadfast until preteen-dom. Clearly, I was operating on some serious misinformation about the birds and the bees. Imagine my shock when I uncovered the truth.)

But, for those of us who wouldn't dare speak such dirty, dirty words in the presence of our dear old grandmothers, there is Simcha Whitehill, a blogger at Thesolarbiz.com/. Simcha has boldly gone where few granddaughters have dared to go before: She had "the talk" (and so much more) with her 85-year-old grandma.

For the last few months, Simcha has posted several revealing interviews with her grandmother, a Holocaust survivor who recently moved into her 94-year-old boyfriend's New York apartment until winter, when the couple hits up Boca Raton. If you have a few minutes, I certainly suggest giving the Ask Grandma videos a little looksy.

If not for the love and sex advice, which is so wondrously frank, for the moments that are so cringe-worthy, they hearken back to the days when, by some form of cosmic punishment, you first watched a movie sex scene with mom and dad in the family room.

As it turns out, Simcha's grams is pretty shrewd--and not the least bit shy about telling a guy what she wants in the sack. Sounds like my kind of lady. Cue the intro with granny arranging flowers, smearing on some sexy red lipstick, pouring a nice cold glass of Tanqueray and getting comfy for some hard-hitting Q&A.;

Should you trust your heart or your head? Your brain. Should you break up with a guy who is bad in bed? "If that's a question, break up because it's no good," she says. "You would know if it's good or not." Yes, dear grams. We would know, indeed. And we couldn't agree more.

But what if your man watches porn during sex--is that normal? Absolutely. "Watch with him and enjoy it," she says as she turns to her granddaughter. "Were you shocked when I said that?"

Now a foray into the history books: How did women masturbate before vibrators? "I don’t know, but nothing’s wrong with vibrators," she says as she turns to camera, smiles and shrugs. "So what's wrong with this masturbating? That’s an old one--since the world was discovered. Children do it. It’s part of life. Nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It’s part of nature."

Well, there you have it. Permission from grandma to masturbate sans guilt until the cows come home. If you've got a burning question that you wouldn't dare spring on your own grams, it seems that Simcha's grandma is still fielding questions. Just don't ask her about anal. This granny dodged the question. Every matriarch has to draw the line somewhere.

Top 5 Ways to Thwart a Period Hookup

What's the best way to tell a guy you have just started dating that you have your period? Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather not say anything he might actually interpret as "Hey, dude, I have blood flowing out of my vag."

To equip 20something women everywhere with arsenal ofways in which to communicate our handicap, I bring you 2019's Top 5 Ways to Thrwart Period Hookup... a collection of humorous, hopefully helpful lines that have actually come out of one or another of my friends' mouths.

1. Oozing seduction whisper "I don't think this is a good time." Just don't say this until you've left the bar. Don't want anyone getting confused.

2. Play prude. Just don't do this if you've already had sex. Otherwise, you will be the worst of the worst...an Indian Giver.

3. Convince him your Spanx and rainboots are hot. Refuse to take them off.

4. Just don't say anything and let him find your tampon string. Whoops.

5. "I reeeaaally don't think you want to do that." It brings humor into the situation and could perhaps get you at least a cuddle.

6. Be honest. We can all only hope to be so lucky as my friend, who, upon telling her boyfriend that she has her period, usually receives this response:

"I don't care."

Read More: Mdanderson

"Feminism" Vs. "Equality"

In my last "Male Perspective" column at https://mrxproducts.com/, I called Caitlin Flanagan a "professional anti-feminist" and managed to touch off a huge argument about feminism.  So this column is way, way, way overdue.

Here's the key problem when we argue about feminism: we act like it's a settled thing, and it's not.

There are two feminisms people tend to talk about, that I've observed, and they tend to treat them as interchangeable: feminism as a political force and feminism as an intellectual force.  It's important to sort the two because more often than not, there's a clear line between the two that once you cross, guys either stop agreeing with or have real trouble understanding what's going on.

Feminism as a political force is pretty straightforward: women should have the same rights and responsibilities as men, and have the same treatment.  This is generally called "equality" but it's feminism.  I've yet to meet a guy who wasn't a total d-bag who didn't agree with this.

It's feminism as an intellectual force where things tend to go a little haywire, for guys.  Part of this is that feminism in academia is hardly a settled topic.  There's agreed-upon ground, of course, but then it diverges wildly.  A lot of it, frankly, has little application to men anyway; academic theory exists to be published, not applied.

And, to be honest, there are some incredibly obnoxious and stupid people in the academic world, just as there are obnoxious and stupid people in every walk of life.  This is generally where the "feminazi" stereotype comes from.  But a larger problem is the fact that they don't understand men perfectly, and yet so, so many believe they do, and an added problem is that, especially the undergraduates getting their degrees, some think they speak for all women.  This leads to some...awkward and unpleasant conversations, since it's very hard to explain to somebody that they are not holier than thou in a polite way.

None of this is helped by the fact that feminism is subject to internal politics, just like anything else.  One of the biggest fights brewing right now is whether or not feminism is inherently classist in its construction, for example.

Personally, when it comes to feminism, I tend to agree with the political and simply avoid the academic.  It's not worth it, and, frankly, most of it tends to fall apart outside of rarified air.  I'll just not be a jerk and respect other people, regardless of gender, and I think that should keep me from being a sexist bonerbeast.

Well, to most people.  You can't please everybody.

Become Remarkably Beautiful From the Inside Out

In today’s world we no longer have to compete with just our classmates, our friends, or our family. We have to compete with every damn person in this world. With social media at our fingertips, we are caught in a never-ending battle between who we are and who we wish we were. You must have the latest lip liner to make sure you are looking your best tonight. You must spend your year-end bonus on the latest Michael Kors purse, God forbid you don’t have it this weekend. You better start that 30 day detox tea you saw on instagram if you want to look good in your bikini this summer. Everybody’s doing it.

Society has already decided for you what trend you must follow, what diet fad is the one that is going to make you lose that 10 pounds quick, and which designer shoes are going to find you your prince charming. We always think, “if only I looked better on the outside, I would be happy.”

Don’t get us wrong, there are a lot of great things happening on social media to help you reach your goals. There is a solution to anything you want to change on the outside that can be found with the click of a button. The problem is that most of them are quick-fixes, or temporary solutions. What we are trying to achieve is long term confidence, long term success, and long term happiness. So where do you start?

Have you ever met someone you thought was absolutely gorgeous but as soon as she opened her mouth you could not understand why anyone would want to be around her. Or the opposite, have you ever met a woman you thought really got the short end of the stick and after getting to know her you could not wait to introduce her to your best guy friend?

The real truth is that internal transformation breeds external results.

Here are a few tips to start:

1. Get honest with yourself. 

What is really stealing your joy? Are you in an unhealthy relationship that continues to drag you down? Are you looking for validation in your friends or your significant other? Are you comforting yourself with food?

It is much easier to hold onto something that is unhealthy when it is comfortable. That cycle though is only going to reap misery instead of happiness. The longer you continue to blame your circumstance on others around you, the further you get from your destination. You have to get over what you feel like everyone else has done to you and accept that you are the only one who is accountable to you.

2. Baby steps are still steps. 

Set realistic goals for yourself. We have the tendency to go from zero to sixty and give everything which leaves us exhausted and not wanting to do it at all. Start doing something today that is going to get you one step closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

Take your time, you are never going back. Read self help books and find mentors who inspire and motivate you. The journey to the best version of you should be something you are proud to hang your hat on. You are not defined by your past, you are prepared by your past. No matter the size, every step you take forward will get you to your destination.

3. What you see is what you get.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You are not everyone else, you were created with a purpose unique to you. As long as you continue to spend your time trying to be someone else you will never reach your full potential.

Use your scars to tell your story and wear the crown of victory you have so courageously earned. Your beauty will become immeasurable. You will never be able to stop life from happening, how you react is what will define you. Love the person you see in the mirror, she can be your worst enemy or your best friend.

4. You are your own worst critic. 

Own your imperfections. Learn from them, grow from them, and make them something beautiful. Do not get caught up in what you think everyone else thinks of you. At the end of the day as long as you know who you are, what you stand for, and what your purpose is; no one else’s opinion matters. Only you go to bed with yourself and only you wake up with yourself.

Learn to fall in love with every part of who you are. If you are not happy with something, change it. Be sure you want to making the change for yourself, not because someone else makes you feel that way. You must get rid of everything that negatively affects your life, you don’t have time for that.

Published with author permission

https://thevoicebw.com/author/alexwise/

Dealing with Jealousy

“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistible urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.” ― J.R. Ward, Dark Lover

So she’s got a hot body and he’s always surrounded by a gaggle of girlfriends and there you are lurking in the background, watching intently when your stomach churns, your heart races and an all-consuming heat starts to fill your body. Before you know it you’ve been bitten by the jealousy bug and can’t stand to look at either of them.

Jealousy is an annoyingly common feeling that can pull even the most confident of women into its grasp. While there are an infinite number of little things that can spawn it, nothing quite compares to feeling jealous when it comes to a close friend or boyfriend. So what do you do when the green-eyed monster takes control and jeopardizes the important relationships in your life? Don’t you worry about a thing, I’ve got the tools you’ll need to defeat that jealous monster and take control of your feelings.

Body Bitch

No matter where you are on your body love journey, too many women hate on other body types. There’s fat shaming, skinny shaming, and well intentioned songs that still shame skinny women. You want Suzy’s abs, the gym chick is too fit, this girl wears clothes that are too tight, the judgement never ends.

I mean how many abs does she actually need? In an instant all the time spent primping feels wasted. Now the only thing on your mind is how to make this bitch feel like shit for ruining your mojo.

Hello, Jealousy.

How to deal: Before you allow your jealousy to ruin everyone’s day, take a minute to accept what’s happening. Acknowledge that you’re jealous and try and pinpoint what exactly is making you feel that way. Is it her hard body? Is it her Brazilian bikini? Or is it the confidence with which she stripped down? Whatever the case, you won’t be able to banish jealousy without first confronting the catalyst. If she has a better body than you, ask her what she’s been doing to keep in such great shape. Try and put her progress in perspective, maybe she worked really hard to get that body, maybe she needed this day surrounded by friends to build the confidence to strut her stuff. Don’t be bitter; instead use it as a way to make yourself better.

He’s Mine

You and your boyfriend are enjoying the night by a fire pit at an outdoor bar, sipping on cold beers, when some teenager walks by with next to nothing on. You’re not even sure if he did a full look to check her out, but you can’t help but notice her group of friends dancing and laughing. You’re constantly looking over your shoulder to see what they’re doing, why they’re laughing and if any of them are making eyes at your man. Jealousy has reared its ugly head and now every move they make warrants your attention, any time your boyfriend moves you assume it’s just to get closer to them and now your mood is in the shitter. Before you know it, you’ve created a plan for any possible confrontation and are convinced that they’ve telepathically flirted with your man.

How you doin’ jelly belly?

How to deal: You may want to sit down for this one but … there are pretty girls are all over the fucking place! Recovered from that bombshell? Good. When you’re out with your boyfriend and you spot a sexy girl, shrug it off with a smile. Instead of imploding, think about it like this: at one point you were the youngin’ in the club with nothing but pasties on, but now you’re in a different place and have the love of a great guy. Don’t assume that he’s looking at every hot girl that passes by, sure he might grab a quick glance (he is, after all a man), but that doesn’t mean he’s going to run and leave you at the dinner table. Put more stock in your relationship and all the other things you have to offer beyond a sexy exterior package. After all there’s a reason he’s with you and not one of them.

Jealousy, be gone!

I Should Have That

You meet with your bestie for after work drinks, and she looks like the cat that ate the canary. Suddenly, she cuts you off mid-sentence to display a shiny rock on her left finger. Bam! You plaster a big smile on your face, marvel at the size and try your best to get the word “congratulations” out. Internally, your mind just exploded. She’s not even in love with this guy, she’s just with him for the money, she’s such a whore and he’ll definitely end up cheating on her. How could she possibly get married before you? You’ve been in a committed relationship for 6 years and she’s only been with him 6 months, where the hell is your ring?

Steady there, green eyes.

How to deal: So she’s got a massive rock on her finger and can’t wipe the smile off her face, want to get rid of that jealous feeling? Be there for her. You’re her friend and this is an exciting time in her life no matter what your opinion is and she shared it with you because she loves you. While you might be envious of her excitement and want the same, that doesn’t mean you have to bash her. Show her how supportive you can be and get the proposal details. She’ll be more than willing to spill and it will give you time to mentally pull it together. Don’t compare your relationship to hers and go home and bully your boyfriend into taking the next step. Your day will come and when it does, you’ll want her to be excited for you too.

Jealousy can take over everything if you allow it, but always remember you are in control. It’s not easy for anyone to admit they’re feeling jealous, but if you can master that, you remove the power it holds over you. Be the badass friend and girlfriend you know you can be and be a pillar of support and love because when your time comes, you’ll want them to do the same.

Source:

https://www.symbaloo.com/home/mix/onlinedating2

Nonstop Irritation: How to Take the Moment Back

For the last couple of weeks Sarah and I have been getting bad service everywhere we go, literally everywhere. Bad service is one of those things that gets annoying really fast.

This last weekend we went on a girls trip to Whistler, BC. After a long six hours in the car and hauling six bags of luggage, for three women, for a four-day trip, we were ready for a nice cold beverage and a club sandwich at the local pub. We were so excited, we walked to that pub like we were evacuating our fifth grade class for a fire drill, let’s get this party started.

The waitress greets us with an, I hate my life and I wish I wasn’t here, slight tilt of her mouth. Great, here we go again. First item, drinks for the table. When Older S took her first sip of the red ale beer she was not happy at all. She asked the waitress if she could change it and her response was, “oh no, sorry honey, you already took a sip out of it.” I think she forgot this is a restaurant where they only provide food and beverages with the mission to please their consumers. “No, you can get your manager if you need to, but I will take a different beer.”

I have always admired this about Sarah. If you are paying for it, you should be happy with it. You work too hard not to get value out of where your money is going. Sarah does not make excuses for anyone.

The next morning we woke up ready to try again. There is a breakfast spot in Whistler across the street from our condo that is a must visit every year when we go to whistler. Two important things to know about breakfast for Sarah and Samantha: one, it is our favorite meal, and two, we always make it an experience.

We head across the street with an extra pep in our step, all to head into disappointment once again. They stopped serving breakfast just 10 minutes prior. I looked at the waitress like, you are telling me that nice looking man standing back there is not going to throw eggs benedict on the grill because we are ten minutes late? Nope. The waitress seemed slightly irritated with our over-irritation.

Sarah grabbed my arm and looked at me with genuine eyes, “I think God is trying to teach us something right now, patience.”

In that moment everything changed.

We chose something else on the menu, ordered a bottle of champagne, and let it go. We enjoyed every moment, the waitress started smiling and telling jokes with us, and we promised to be back.

The next morning we arrived at the same breakfast spot, on time. The hostess greeted us with a smile and a bottle of champagne they had chilling, waiting for us. The waitress served us with a positive attitude and great conversation.

The rest of our trip we got the best service every where we went.

The point is that it is not about what life throws at you or how other people treat you, it is about how you react to them.

Life is always going to give you those moments where everything is just annoying. How you respond is key. Put a smile on your face, keep a positive attitude, and take that moment back.

There is power in how you respond to situations. You get back what you put out. The minute we changed how we viewed the situation and changed how we responded, was the minute we started truly enjoying ourselves in every moment.

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