Top 10 Booty Texts You Should Never Send a Guy

Whether you’re the sender or receiver, it’s pretty hard to avoid the Late Night Booty Text these days. We’ve already shared ways to compose a good LNBT, but here are the top ten we hope you never send a guy.

10. My friends and I are going out for a big Mexican dinner. Can I stop by after? Steer clear of ever mentioning your grande order of beans and cheese; he’ll likely be mucho turned off.

9. Wanna have a sleepover? Most guys have been tricked into a night of cuddling this way, so you better make it clear you’re not interested in sleeping.

8. I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up, that’s the way I like to f*ck!!! When you can’t think of anything else to say, don’t turn to the lyrics of the rap song blasting at the club you’re in.

7. I neeeeed to see you tonight. I promise I’ll make it worth your time! Try to be a little more Debbie Does Dallas and a little less Debbie Does Desperation.

6. You can just come over here to watch the game! If you don’t know a thing about football and are just planning to tackle him when he walks in the door, he’ll be annoyed he ditched his friends.

5. I want to pole dance … you come over and bring the pole. An actual text suggested by Cosmo. Sorry, but we beg to differ until you find a guy who can read that without LOL-ing.

4. OMG drnuk to much. Get ovr here b4 I puke. We’ve already talked about slurring your texts, but this takes it to a whole new level.

3. I’m all alone waiting for you. Come over and bring a friend. Whoa, there, sister! You can’t just propose a threesome via text message.

2. I’m naked and cooking bacon for you. The way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but that’s just way too much pork.

1. My boyfriend just left but I’m still horny. Want to come over? TMI! At least have the decency to take a shower and pretend he’s not getting sloppy seconds.

What’s the worst LNBT you’ve ever sent or received?

Sometimes All You Really Need Is A Cat

Living single can mean freedom and excitement, but it can also mean loneliness.

Yearning for a companion, but not a mate?

A pet is a great option.

At 12 years old, I had it all planned out. I would marry at 18, have my first kid at 19, second by 21, live in a house in the suburbs with a dog named Benji, and have bitchen’ hair. I didn’t know who I would marry and make beautiful babies with but I was pretty certain he would closely resemble Jake Ryan from “Sixteen Candles” and drive something sporty. I would be a stay at home mom, write mediocre poetry about life and Corey Haim, and make a kick ass manicotti.

Fast forward 22 years and the only thing I have in common with my childish aspirations is my bitchen’ hair. So, what happened?

https://mycped.tamu.edu/eportfolios/56656/_/Single_and_Happy_During_the_Holidays

https://arizonawet.arizona.edu/users/sam-brown

https://www.open.edu/openlearncreate/course/view.php?id=4460

To put it simply, life happened. Somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t that big a fan of the Porsche 944, I couldn’t make a decent manicotti to save my life, and had I married at the tender age of 18, I more than likely would have become a statistic, not a stay at home mom.

And I’m okay with that.

This is not the part where I tell you how fabulous it is being single. This is already known. This is not the part where I blame all the men in my life for making me fall short of my early goals. That is just an excuse. This is the part where I tell you it’s okay to be single but it’s also okay to get lonely. That despite the freedom and excitement being single affords me, sometimes I wouldn’t mind having someone along for the ride to tell me just how bitchen’ my hair is.

So, I got a cat.

You read that right. I’m one step closer to becoming Crazy Cat Lady. Another couple rescue cats, a few blue highlights and some baby powder/violet discount perfume and I’m set.

Getting my kitty is the closest I’ve come to commitment in almost a decade. If anything, I enjoy her company more than that of 95% of the men I’ve previously encountered. She’s never lied to me or been dishonest. Although, if she had, I wouldn’t have understood it anyway, since I don’t speak Meow. Yet.

https://www.open.edu/openlearncreate/course/view.php?id=4458

https://iu.instructure.com/eportfolios/28970/_/4_Things_To_Say_To_A_Woman_While_On_The_Treadmill

https://canvas.elsevier.com/eportfolios/5928/Home/Booze_Broads_and_Brawls__Drinking_a_DealBreaker_

And she’s very clean. Bathes constantly. With the exception of her slight fascination with the toilet paper roll and stealing my ice cream, we’ve become wonderful roommates.

I could go on and on, but I’ve got to go. She has informed me that it’s time for bed. If I don’t listen to her, she’ll wake me up at the crack of dawn by trying to bite the mole off my back.

So, until I meet someone who doesn’t snore and likes their women with a little crazy, cuddle time with a feline during Modern Family isn’t too bad. Sure beats having to watch football with Minute Man or Booger Boy.

A Real-Life ‘Hall Pass’?

What if you had a week off from marriage to do whatever you wanted, with no consequences? That’s the question posed by the new Farrelly brothers comedy Hall Pass, starring Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis as best buddies with wandering eyes…and Jenna Fischer and Christina Applegate as their fed-up wives. While the concept’s a bit daft, even good relationships (before and after marriage) can hit rough patches. And that had us asking questions of our own. Like, would a hall pass actually work? And if not, what do you do when you and your girl really do need a break? Fortunately, we were able to pull Wilson, Sudeikis, and Fischer aside…

MADE MAN: What do you think of the hall pass idea, truly? Is it feasible?
JENNA FISCHER: It’s a horrible idea! It’s a good premise for a film but horrible for your life. Don’t do it!
JASON SUDEIKIS: One problem is that if you’re going to have a hall pass, your wife would want a hall pass too. Then no guy would have a hall pass. You’d say forget it. Because that would get way stickier quicker.
OWEN WILSON: You’re swingers at that point.
JS: It doesn’t have to be a week. It could be four hours. It’s baby steps.

MM: Besides Applebee’s and Olive Garden, where else can you go to meet hot women?
JS: Chuckie Cheese. Ruby Tuesdays!
JF: Bed, Bath & Beyond! For real. There’s a ton of women there. Target! Go where women go. The Mac Cosmetics counter at the mall!
OW: I like that. And Whole Foods is pretty good. Whole Foods is crazy that way.
JF: The slutty women are at Whole Foods!
OW: And Trader Joe’s!
JS: Just remember to bring the deodorant.

MM: What about women, where should they go to pick up dudes?
JS: Strip clubs!
JF: Home Depot!

MM: So for the couples that feel like they want a hall pass, what would you suggest they do?
JS: Stay apart from each other for three days, meet in a bar but dress up as other people and still hit on each other. And if that doesn’t work, then try a hall pass for real.
JF: I think they should take a weekend away where the male friends go off and the female friends go off. Just dudes be dudes, go on a scotch and golf trip, and ladies be ladies, go to the spa and sit by the pool. And then get back together. Doesn’t that sound like a great idea? Just no cheating.

MM: So, would you do this?
JS: Well, I believe in the idea of love and marriage and monogamy. I was happy that the film has a pro-relationship message. Even the commercial for the film alone, probably opens up a unique sofa discussion or pillow talk with couples. “Honey, what would you do if I gave you a hall pass?” And I think it could go either way, either gals or guys might be into doing it. Marriage is in an interesting space, with such a high divorce rate. There’s so much cheating going on, with Tiger Woods, the Internet, the [shirtless-photo-sending congressman] Chris Lees of the world. I liked that this film poses this question.

MM: Who would be your hall pass, celebrity-wise?
JS: 1967 Raquel Welch. If I had a time machine. Nah, who am I kidding? I’d take 1997 Raquel Welch. Make that 2007 Raquel Welch. But not today, though. I’d take Helen Mirren now!
OW: I think it’s more where I would want to go, location-wise.
JF: I’m a newlywed, I don’t want a hall pass right now.
JS: I’d use my hall pass with Jenna’s husband, Lee!
JF: That would be fine, it would work for me!

What If I Make the Wrong Decision?

What if I make a wrong decision, seems to be a universal question that we all have asked ourselves from time to time. This question often comes up when we have a tough decision to make and either decision we make has consequences which we perceive to be somewhat balanced, however we feel that there is truly a right decision and a wrong decision and we fear choosing the wrong decision. Why do we have this fear of making a wrong decision? Simple really, if we make what we perceive to be a bad decision, then we own that decision, it’s our responsibility, we may have to admit that we made a mistake, we may feel that our reputation will be tarnished, etc. So instead of making a bad or wrong decision we play mental tennis with our decisions, bouncing back and forth on which decision is the best one to make. This type of stalling usually causes a great deal of stress, which has an impact on our mental and physical health and may even cause more angst in our life because delaying some decisions can create bigger issues.

The key to making decisions is to make one. Make your decision based on gathered facts and projected outcome and most of all based on what your true inner voice tells you. You know your gut feeling, your intuition. The key is to be able to discern gut feeling from ego. Our ego often tells us to go against what we intuitively know is right. When making a decision always go with your gut feelings and know that even if your decision at first turns out to be the wrong one, trust in the Universe that there are no accidents and that there is a purpose for the decision which you chose to make.

The bottom line is, if you listen to your inner voice and you trust in yourself, then you know that you can’t make a wrong decision. Your decision will always be right, even if at first it does not seem to be.

References: Monterrey Backpage

Transforming Boy Chasing Into Boy Tasting

Wondering why you keep landing the slobbering idiots when other women seem to have no trouble at all in attracting their perfect types? Stay with me.

2am was rushing into view as Alana grabbed my elbow and slurred into my shoulder that it was time to go home. As we stepped over bottles and around mumbling drunks, I saw a beautiful blonde undergoing what I like to call the “blind man treatment.” You know, when some drunken dude acts like he’s blind and uses his hands to figure out what you look like? Alana noticed them and giggled into my upper arm. A melodic “he, he, he.” I felt inspired to do something for this stranger who’d been eyeing me all night.

I grabbed a half-empty bottle of champagne and as we passed the melodic duo, I pressed the bottle into the blonde’s hand. “You’ll need this if you plan on doing anything with Slobbery Rob here. Next time don’t just stare at me. Say hello.” I said as I ferried my vodka princess out to our waiting taxi.

How is it that a beautiful woman, perfectly dressed and seemingly with all the attributes of success strike out? A few reasons:

1.       She clumped up all night with her girlfriends. Sure, it’s great to hang out with your friends at a party. Just understand that there’s nothing more intimidating to a guy than a group of females. Say hello to the people at a party you know, but make it a priority to bump into some new faces before you settle into a groove. Avoid your male friends. Friends do stupid things when they’ve been drinking and you’re here for new boy. Not the one who is an easy booty text away.

2.       She waited. Don’t wait! The best time to talk to that great-looking gent across the room is now. To paraphrase a great bit of advice given to incoming college freshman, “say hello to as many people as you can while the situation is still fresh for everybody.” Get a fire under your cute butt and say hi to some people. If you’ve already acknowledged him early in the evening, it’ll be very easy for your new boy to come over and say hello (I’d arrived with Alana and was leaving the party with her, but there was no way the blonde could have known about all the great single guys I know! She missed out!).

3.       She drank too much, too soon. For those of you who don’t drink, this doesn’t apply as much. For those who do: leave off the wild juice until you’ve made the rounds and said hello to some new faces. Get drunk early and you wreck your chances at finding a great guy. Even worse, you raise your chances of doing something you’ll regret with Slobbery Rob at the end of the night.

If you make it a habit to maintain an attitude of friendliness and approachability, you’ll see your luck increase no matter where you are. That said, there’s really no such thing as luck. Do the following:

§  Make a point to reach out to new guys even if they don’t immediately turn you on.

§  Forget about your loneliness and what your friends think of you in the spirit of enjoying yourself.

§  Cut yourself some slack because there are a lot of people in the world you think are attractive who are simply not worth your time. Don’t be bothered if he doesn’t fancy you. He loses and you waste less time!

You’ll have a better time at parties and discover more great guys at your breakfast table instead of on the cover of your favorite magazine.

References:

https://coachingwithroy.com/love-awake-review/ Loveawake review

https://infeeds.com/u/Allakorky/dealing-with-clingy-ex-34776

https://about.me/a.wise

https://www.vingle.net/posts/2687971 How To Do a First Date Right Without Waits or Word Vomit

Momentum: Keep It Moving!

Truth time! If you are letting days and weeks go by between your contact and dates with each other… you are seriously at risk of hitting the “fizzle zone.”

Dates 1-3 are crucial for hitting a stride of 2+ times per week of contact and at least one date per week. If you let much more time slide in without a REALLY good excuse… think trip to remote exotic island with no internet or phone connection rather than big launch at work… the person in the other half of this equation is likely to move on or lose their shine for you.

I know that we all get busy and it’s easy to excuse why it took you 2 weeks to reply, but come on, we all know that when you’re interested… you find a way to connect. If you are trying to date someone who knows their worth and knows they are in high demand, you’ll likely never recover from a 2 week lag.

So keep the momentum going! How? Well… try this on for size…

1.       Gauge interest. Look at how long it takes the other person to respond and keep your pace accordingly. You really don’t want to be the guy or girl who becomes a “stalker.”

2.       This point is highly debated, but I’m all for short-cutting the email/textversations at the beginning of the relationship. Either pick up the phone or propose a face to face within two weeks of “meeting.” You just can’t get to know someone the way you need to thru email and text.

3.       Keep your missives to your time in person. Long emails with lots of information, with someone you don’t know, is a recipe for disaster. What you reveal in writing can ALWAYS find its way into the hands of someone untrustworthy. Don’t do it.

4.       If you make a date, keep it. I don’t know about you, but if someone flakes on me in the early stages… I take it as a precursor for how they will be long-term. Again — REALLY good excuses are acceptable here as long as you are properly apologetic.

5.       Long distance relationships can be a bit more tricky. If you’re facing one of these momentum challenges, check out this post for more tips and tricks at keeping it alive.

Courting someone is like a dance. If you get out of synch, it can be really hard to get back into step with each other. So, keep it moving!

References:

http://sugardaddy-dating.com/Dating-Review-LoveAwake.html Loveawake

https://weheartit.com/loveawake

https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2019/10/should-i-pay-or-should-i-go-now.html

http://mirror.argylesocial.com/view/loveawake.com

http://projects.umwhistory.org/cwh/myomeka/posters/show/7954

Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?

Is dating easier for single dads than single moms? A lot of folks in the blogosphere seem to think so.

Chrissy at Glamour’s Storked! laments the marketability of a single dad who appeared on ABC’s Bachelorette. Seems he got a ton of fan mail that Chrissy as a single mom doesn’t get. Her readers jumped right on the band wagon, saying single moms have it tougher than single dads.

Then there’s Matt Logelin, single after his wife tragically passed away with the birth of their child. He wrote that society has mythologized the good single father, and women daily send him emails saying they’d love to be the woman in his life. He posits that a woman in his shoes wouldn’t get the same attention.

Call me the lone dissenter, but dating is NOT easier for single dads than single moms. That’s been my experience, at least, and I’ve been at this game for eight years running.

Now before you break out Occam’s razor and question whether I’m date-able, know that I’ve had post-divorce dating success – a few serious relationships and tons of short term flings. Women tend to like me.

But finding someone to enter my family for the long haul has been a challenge.

I’m guessing Chrissy’s Bachelorette got a ton of fan mail because of the nature of that show. It attracts female viewers who would love a man of their own. Chrissy’s blog caters to moms.

Matt blogs that there are a lot of women who would love to adopt his built-in family. With all due respect to his departed wife, perhaps his being a widower is a factor. Any woman who joins his family will be the woman in his family’s life. For me as a divorced man with half-time custody, any woman joining my family will certainly be the woman in my house, but will take second fiddle to the biological mom when it comes to the kids. Most women want no part of that. (Yes, I realize there are exceptions. But those women haven’t tended to come my way.)

Besides fantasizing Matt as the perfect husband and father, some women might fantasize themselves in the role of nurturing mother and wife. They simply can’t do that with me and my kids. One woman I met on match.com said she wouldn’t date me because if she entered my life, she wouldn’t have a role. The kids already have a mom. I already take care of the family and home. What’s left for her to do?

Plenty more women have told me flat out they won’t date me seriously because they don’t want a built-in family, but then say they’d love to be my booty call friend with benefits.

I’m not saying single dads have it tougher than single moms. I’m saying it’s probably about the same. Dating as a single parent is complicated. Period.

(For the record, my ex-wife is dating someone right now. She’s a single mom. Sure, she has half-time custody and therefore time to date. But so do I. The issue isn’t time, it’s finding someone who accepts our co-parenting two-home situation.)

Which brings me to a bigger point. As a single dad deeply involved in my kids’ lives – caring for them, cooking, cleaning, volunteering in schools, etc. – I run into gender stereotyped discrimination all the time. The schools send notices to mom but not to me. The doctor’s office calls mom but not me. A mom friend who came for a BBQ brought a wagon full of food because she worried I can’t cook (I’m fairly accomplished.) It’s frustrating. Women I’ve encountered see me as different. Their husbands don’t cook and clean and take care of the kids. Instead, those dads tend to work long hours and leave the household and parenting duties to the mom. Some women have even suggested this makes me unmanly. Whatever.

Broad generalizations that lead to societal myths are damaging to involved dads like me as we try to don the non-traditional role of single care provider. (I’ve already said my two cents about DadGoneMad admitting he dreaded alone time with his kids, and I’ve bemoaned the entertainment media for depicting so many deadbeat dads. Talk about setting dads back a century or two.)

Want gender equality? By all means, take it. But with it, let’s leave gender bias out of the single-parent dating debate.

References:

http://public.sitejot.com/manni.html

https://study.mdanderson.org/eportfolios/534/Home/Getting_Over_Yourself_In_Order_to_Overcome_Challenges_in_Your_Love_Life

https://peace-and-love.teachable.com/blog/177604/rejection

https://connect.innovateuk.org/web/yousayes/~/405026/blogs/-/blogs/the-art-of-self-analyzation

http://www.myhq.com/public/g/e/geelly/