I got this book a few weeks ago and started reading it. I have to say that I was one of those women who made the same assumptions when it came to guys not calling back. I'd meet someone and everything seemed to be going good, I gave him my number and he did call a couple times. So I thought I had it made. In our last conversation he said he'd call the next day. But the next day came and went and no phone call.
Like most women, I just assumed that maybe he was busy and didn't have the chance to call yet, so I waited. And after a few days I began to wonder if maybe he lost my number. I wondered if I should call him just in case. So finally I did, I got his voice mail and left a casual message. I thought now for sure he'll call back. A few days went by and no call. But still for some reason It never occurred to me that maybe he just wasn't all that interested. And I spent a couple of days doing what every woman does when this happens: wondering what I did wrong! Did I say something to scare him off, was I not attractive enough, in my mind there just had to be some reason. But really, I did nothing wrong. I just couldn't see that he wasn't that into me.
I got the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt. I had seen it advertised and this was before the movie came out. So I got into the book right away, I was curious about how guys think when it comes to dating and relationships. I could myself in those examples in the book, I was making the same assumptions and the same excuses they were.
The idea for this book came about by accident. Greg Behrendt was at a conference where the author of this book was also attending. Some of the others were sitting around talking and one women asked a question and it was Greg's answer right off that set the whole thing in motion.
She was telling a friend that she met this guy and everything was great and then suddenly he stopped calling. She asked her friend if she had done anything to scare him away. So she was quite shocked when Greg answered the question by saying "No, it sounds like he just wasn't that into you! Wow, could it really be that simple? Just a lack of interest?
We make all kinds of excuses as to why a guy hasn't called back because we don't want to think that the nice, good-looking guy we just met could be that rude. But it's not rudeness on his part. He just doesn't want to hurt your feeling or risk making you cry by saying that he really doesn't think it will work out. Men will do anything to not hurt your feelings, at least most decent men will there area few exceptions. So he thinks it's kinder to not lead you on by calling or returning your messages.
But we as women do this too. You have to change the way you see this. Imagine it from a different perspective. Let's say you meet this really nice guy, he's good-looking but not exactly the type your looking for. You talk and he asks for your number. You agree to a date and go out. But you realize after the date that although he's a great guy, theres just something lacking for you. Not anything he did wrong, but your just not really interested in going on another date with him. Here is the saying reversed "You're just not that into him" simple as that. So what do you do? Do you call him and say "hey your a great guy but I'm just not interested in dating you anymore? No way, that would be cruel. I'll just not call him, he'll eventually get the picture and I wont have to hurt his feelings. Sound familiar? It easy to understand this once you see it from a different angle.
If you'd like more insight on men, from a guy's view I recommend reading the book. I really enjoyed it and he is upfront and honest about how guys think. Straight from the horse's mouth. I have experienced the same thing over and over so I know from personal experience. Believe me you are not the only one who has this problem. Read the examples and letters from other women, I know you will see yourself in everyone of them like I did. Not being someones type isn't a crime. We just need to remove the personal feelings from it and realize that if were not his type then we are someone elses and we just haven't met them yet. Move on to the next adventure without hurt feelings and guilt.
What really gets me are the people who talk of going on spur of the moment trips abroad and want someone with the same kind of sense of adventure.
Um, I…have a job? And pets? And, like, other stuff?
I’ll admit it: I don’t travel. I’ve just never been one to travel much because I’ve always worked.
Doesn’t mean I don’t want to, I just…never get to it, I guess. I think to many people who use these sites and apps I’m boring and uncultured. Yet, I’m always reading about other countries and cultures and trying to learn more about other people’s traditions. I have a curiosity about stuff like that. That’s not something you put in a profile, though.
