My Boyfriend Has Girlfriends: 5 Ways to Deal With It

There you are in the beautiful beginnings of a new relationship; you’re getting to know each other and finding ways to bring two lives together. He’s a great guy with tons of personality and you love his outgoing nature but there is one thing you weren’t quite counting on, his horde of female friends.

I speak from experience in this area, having been with my boyfriend for 10 years now; I had to do some serious soul searching when we first started dating. He was the social butterfly and having three younger sisters he’d acquired a lot of very close female friends. They were always around and they’d grown up together so I immediately felt like I was an intruder in some secret world. I didn’t know the inside jokes, I couldn’t keep all of their names straight and let’s be honest there was a pang of jealousy when I’d see them all hanging out together. Trust me it wasn’t a smooth road to that place of understanding I had to admit to myself my boyfriend has girlfriends and I had to find ways to deal with it.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation and aren’t quite sure what to do, I’m here to bestow my wisdom on you with 5 ways to deal with it.

They’re Not the Enemy 5 ways To Deal

Assumption makes an ass out of you and me

Don’t make assumptions about the relationships your boyfriend has with his friends, even if it is easy to think that they all want him. You see him in the light of love, they don’t. Take a minute to think about your own relationships with the opposite sex, do you want everyone of your male friends? Before you start calling them a bunch of whores consider all the other amazing things about your boyfriend and why they might enjoy spending time with him.

Give them a chance

I know the instinct to hate might be strong but don’t block the girls out so quickly. Women are taught to compete with each other and you automatically view them as a threat. Instead of acting coldly when they come around sit and have a conversation. You never know you might even develop some genuine friendships. Find some common ground and learn a little about them, once you get to know them they’ll feel like less of threat.

Talk it out but don’t freak out

The absolute best thing to do is talk to him about it; keep in mind he may not get it. Men don’t understand the female dynamic, he may not understand you saying you feel threatened, for him its just little Jane that he’s known since he was three. Take your time and don’t freak out, explain how it makes you feel, if there’s specific things that bother you spell them out for him. If he’s still not getting it, put the shoe on the other foot and ask him how he feels about your male friends.

Take a Look in the Mirror

Sometimes you have to take a deeper look at yourself. If his female friends are causing that much a problem for you, take a step back and figure out what it is that bothers you. Unless they’re hanging off your boyfriend and being completely inappropriate it might be you. Jealous and insecurity go hand in hand and they’re both perfectly natural, unfortunately unless you address the core issues it won’t matter if it’s your boyfriend’s friends or your best friend’s friends, you’ll find the same issues.

Allow Time for Change

As women we like to see things happen immediately, well some things take time. If you’ve talked with your boyfriend, made an effort with his girl friends and taken a look in the mirror, give time for change. You can’t ask him to drop his female friends but you can ask that certain things change. Don’t go off on him if it doesn’t happen the next day, the more understanding you are the easier the transition will be.

There you have it, 5 ways to deal with your boyfriend’s girlfriends. You can do all of these things until your blue in the face but the number one thing you have to do it communicate. This is your relationship and no one can come between the two of you unless you allow it. Be open about your feelings and be calm in your delivery, you boyfriend will be more receptive to that and you won’t look crazy.

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