пятница, 26 апреля 2019 г.

Ladies, Is Your Ex ALWAYS On Your Mind?




I have some questions; ponderances, if you will. You see, on one of my other sites, Very Smart Brothas, I wrote a post a few weeks back about why Beyonce's "Best Thing I Never Had" song was ridiculous (the premise, not the music) because of the inherent assumptions that men feel like we lost when our exes move on. I'm aware that for many women, the best way to get over a broken heart is to envision that the guy who broke your heart is strung out on a highway with a "will rap for love" sign and an empty Slurpee cup.
But that rarely happens.

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And while there are some chaps who definitely attempt to come back years later to pursue the woman that they did wrong (there has to be right?), I can honestly say that I've only heard these stories from women so I'm going to assume that there's some hyperbole. Real talk, I don't know a single dude who's EVER told me that he wishes that he was still with a chick he broke up with. Again, I'm sure it happens but women make it seem like an everyday thing.
Agree to disagree. Well aside from Puffy. That fool put all of his feelings out there when he and J-Lo broke up. I'm still convinced he wants her back. Lucky for him she's done wtih Marc Antony.
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Well, Beyonce took the song, "Best Thing I Never Had" and made a great video for it. But it's only great because for the first time ever, she seems like an actual person. Beyonce has this odd Stepford wife thing about her but in this video, she's all personality. And yes, Virginia, the lingerie helps.
But here's my issue. This video is her wedding day and she's thinking about the guy who broke her heart (in high school - an odd timing choice, but let's just pretend that isn't what happened) and basically feels like she big leagued him because she found the love of her life to marry her...
....when the other dude obviously wouldn't. Of all the damn times to NOT be thinking of somebody else, she's spending actual time on her wedding day feeling some kind of way about a guy from her past. On.her.wedding.day. Granted it's a video and intended to make a point, which is fair. However, I'm not so sure it's "just a video." I get the impression that far too many women could relate to this.
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Is this really how women think? Do you all harbor animosity and bitterness towards men who broke your heart to the point where you wish that he KNEW you were getting married under the auspices that he'd feel like he lost out on you?
True story, not once but TWICE, has an ex of mine gotten in touch with me to let me know she was getting married. And these weren't exes I talk to. Nope. These were exes that I hadn't talked to in years by the time they contacted me. One actually tracked me down in person in a major city. The other sent me her wedding website stuff. No message, nothing. Just the link the URL. What's funny is that I was genuinely happy for them. When we broke up, I let it go. It ain't like it was ALL my fault. But it seems that they didn't. I'm guessing they wanted me to feel some type of way about their nuptials.
Read also : https://www.factbus.com/fact/exit/factexit.asp?url=blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/19/fatal-attractions-signs-and-how-to-avoid/
Odd future.
So ladies, I'm curious, do your exes that "hurt" you always remain in the back of your minds? And do you secretly hope he's pained by the fact that you are getting married and/or have (completely) moved on?
Inquiring minds would like to know.



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среда, 24 апреля 2019 г.

The Women Who Make Me Smile



Since I’ve started my blog, I’ve met a few women who have made me smile. Every time I receive a message from them, a bit of bliss flows through my body. These are usually the women who I end up getting to know on a personal level, and often cross the panes of anonymity to actual names. Recently I’ve been thinking about these handful of women, and realize that in my life, before this blog, there’s been several others. I’ve also realized I’ve never dated any of them, and even stopped the potential for such things.

 Some of these women live close. Actually, they fall within my Chinese Bus rule. Other’s live a bit farther. Some are purely friends, other’s I could very well consider a lot more. The cross-section of those who make me smile and live in NYC are the fewest. One has turned into a great friend and taught me the “friends are never fucks, and fucks are never friends” rule. A rule which I think has hardened my possibilities of leaving the friend zone with women. Another, who I’ve considered a relationship with in the past, remains a friend mainly because I don’t think we’re compatible. The rest are a combination of missed opportunities, good friends, or have disappeared into the ether. In hindsight, these are the type of women I should have been after.

 These women, who bring me little bits of bliss when they text, call, or just want to see me, should have been the women I’ve turned into relationships. They accept me for who I am, for all of my faults, flaws, and quirks. So why aren’t I dating them? It’s because I fell into many different traps, I set my requirements too high, but most importantly, I never noticed them until they were gone. I didn’t take the opportunities when they were presented to me and I let some other guy swoop them off their feet. I made the mistake, I let them go! I’m sure my dating life would be much different if I hadn’t let them run away (then again you wouldn’t be reading this).

 The women who make me smiles are always, if not often, my A Listers. I value their friendship, but I don’t think I’ve ever told them what they mean to me. Even the ones who are far away. I truly value them, and in many cases, could see myself happily cuddled with them instead of running a singles blog. More often than not, these are the women who could have changed my life drastically, even if distance was the issue.

 Today, one of these women asked me “why are you single?” I answered by stating I’ve missed many opportunities. In actuality, I’ve never told these special women what they mean to me. I’m too chicken shit to say, “I think you’re special,” and it comes out as “I think you’re awesome!” or “You’re a really great friend!”

 I definitely need to grow a pair. If you have women like this in your life, you need to grow a pair as well and tell them the truth.

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How to Make A First Impression With A Beautiful Woman



Theoretically, you've only got a minute or so to make a first impression on a woman. So how do you impress a hot babe, enough to either hook up later, or leave her wanting more than your digits? Here's what's up.

Stay loose 


Above all that might happen, and is happening, you're having a good time, loving life, and she just happens to be there. You're only chatting her up because of location (which is why you're not asking much about work or school, and going with the deeper topics). She'll sense your relaxation, your sexiness, and a mysterious interest that's hard to pin down, and she'll open up. Keep the body language casual and comfy, and be playful. 

Demonstrate social capital


If you're in familiar territory, or with friends, it should be clear to her you're well-regarded. Your best bets are places where you're known, and if you're out of town, pop into the same hotel lounge or eateries your entire stay. Staff or regulars will speak to you, and establish a pleasing rapport. When asked personal questions, talk less about career and girlfriends, and more about people you helped move, find a job, get acclimated to a city, or get through a rough patch. A good transition into such a story is, 'That reminds me of when...'. 

Remember Her 

While she's speaking, mentally remind yourself her name, if need be. Pay strict attention, that way you can revisit points in her stories, her tastes, or share a similar experience. File these things away not just for that night, but in the chance you'll see her again soon. This separates guys that are hitting on everyone from those who are really listening. 

Dress For Success


Few things capture immediate attention like a sporty look. Your gear should say playboy, not office drone. Find a flattering hairstyle, keep your fingernails neat, and work out every other day. Beautiful girls are selective, and you want to be on the eligible list.

These principles will make you stand out and boost your confidence.

Sources:
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вторник, 23 апреля 2019 г.

Six Signs She Might Leave You… For a Girl



There’s a reason movies like Wild Things still land in the Netflix cue; girl-on-girl action—with or without Neve Campbell and Denise Richards circa 1998—is pretty much every guy’s fantasy. Hell, some consider it more hot than upsetting when their girl hooks up with another girl. But what if she realizes she likes women better?

Yes, this actually happens. A friend in the Marine Corps came home from Iraq to find his wife living with another woman. He was aware of her bisexual past and, because he didn’t consider it cheating, gave her a pass to fool around with women. He didn’t expect to lose his wife to one. The couple is now separated and awaiting a divorce filing.
Are you in this kind of danger zone? There’s no need to be paranoid, but it doesn’t hurt to be aware of the following warning signs from our experts. At least that way, you won’t be blindsided if you walk in on some Wild Things-like behavior.

1. She Has a Bisexual or Lesbian History.
When discussing past sexual experience, note any mentions of bisexuality or times she was solely with women. Try to get a sense of what actually happened. A fling or some experimentation in college is one thing—a full-on lesbian relationship is quite another. “She might go that way again,” suggests Mary Lou MacIlvaine, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in San Diego.

2. She Condones Other Women Cheating With Women.
If the subject comes up and she doesn’t think it’s a big deal, that’s a “major red flag” says Dr. Natasha Valdez, a licensed sexologist in Austin, Texas. That’s especially true if she was previously against any kind of cheating and suddenly has an open mind. “People have character defenses that allow them to cheat or not cheat,” adds MacIlvaine.

3. She Brings Up a Desire to Experiment.
A threesome might be a fantasy for you, but it might be her way of telling you she wants to be with a woman—and using a threesome as an excuse because she knows you’ll be psyched. If you end up getting pushed off of the bed, that’s a pretty clear sign. “Women do that to their husbands,” explains Valdez. “They say they want to open up the relationship and fool around with women. That’s a huge sign.”

4. She Spends Excessive Time With a Certain Girlfriend.
Also known as: “Baby I’m at the nail salon, the mall, the movies and then to grab food.” It’s great to have a best friend, but if she’s with the same girl every time you call—and spending much more time with her than with you—be wary. Especially if that girl is smokin’ hot.

5. She Dolls up to Visit a Female Friend.
Say your woman suddenly starts wearing sexy clothing, doing her hair differently, or wearing a new perfume when she visits a girlfriend. Either that girlfriend is secretly a dude, or her sexual interests are shifting. “If she’s doing all of these extra things and you don’t feel like they are for you, who are they for?” asks Valdez.

6. You Spot Stuff That Isn’t Hers.
Noticing jewelry you didn’t buy her, or clothes in a different size? Think the same thing that you would think if you saw a guy’s gear: she’s fooling around with someone who isn’t you. Come across new lube that’s marked “for her pleasure”? We’ll let you figure that one out yourself.

A couple of these signs might be no big deal, but if it’s become painfully obvious your lady likes sushi, MacIlvaine encourages you to think about your goals with the relationship. You can bail if you feel she’s crossed the line. Or, if she’s down, so to speak, you can try to work her new passion into your relationship. Hey, it worked for Charlie Sheen! Oh wait…
Sources:
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вторник, 9 апреля 2019 г.

How To Talk To Your Children About Divorce


Knowing how to talk to your children about divorce is imperative. If you're going through the big "D" and unsure how to approach your children, collect yourself and take some time to think it over. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.
  1. Pick the right time. Before school, important events or late nights are not good times to talk to your children about divorce. Choose the right time-when everyone is fresh, receptive and ready. Another typical place families talk about unpleasant matters is the dinner table. Do your children a favor and only talk about the divorce outside of routine family events.
  2. Age appropriate. When talking to your children about divorce, remember about child development. What you say to a toddler versus an elementary school child versus a teenager varies wildly. Remember to be age appropriate. Also, only disclose what the child needs to know. Never down talk the other parent.
  3. Enlist your partner's help. Your partner can help you talk to your children about divorce. She may be out the door and on her way to being your ex, but she's the mother of your children. Can you work with her to get on the same page?
  4. Enlist the help of a professional. It may be that talking to your children about divorce is too much for you to handle. Or you and the children's mother may be at odds. If the process is overwhelming or the children are in too much pain, enlist the help of a professional. Your attorney can make suggestions if you're unsure which therapist is the best.
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Jewish Divorce Law


Jewish divorce law is ruled by the ancient Talmud, but most of the divorce laws are realistic and fair and can be applied to today's situations. Judaism has recognized "no-fault" divorce for thousands of years. One of the few Jewish divorce laws that seems strange today is the fact that only the husband can initiate a divorce, and the wife cannot refuse the divorce. Rabbinical authorities have since taken steps to modify these rules by allowing the wife to prohibit the divorce without her consent or to compel the husband to divorce the wife under certain just circumstances.

A "get" is the word for "divorce document" in Hebrew, and means "scroll of cutting off." A Jewish marriage has been issued by a legal contract, so it can only be terminated by a "get" to make that contract null. The document is drawn up with rabbinical supervision and must be signed by both parties and witnesses. A "get" must wait for a civil divorce to be obtained. However, without the "get," the couple remains married in the eyes of Jewish law. Under Jewish divorce law, most rabbis will not officiate at a new wedding ceremony if either party has not obtained a "get."

The rabbinical court ("beit din") supervises the divorcing couple. This includes adjudicating cases, resolving disputes, and helping mediate custodial and financial issues. A qualified marital counselor is often suggested if there is a chance that the marriage can be saved. Child custody is decided by what is in the best interests of the children. Under Jewish divorce law, a "beit din" must not be prejudiced in favor of either party, even though many think that it would show favoritism to the husband. The Beth Din of America can coordinate with rabbis throughout the world to help finalize divorce cases and order a "get" to be delivered by proxy if necessary. The Beth Din also strongly encourages pre-nuptial agreements so that details are resolved beforehand and the couple agrees to submit to the decisions of the Beth Din. Regardless of any pre-nuptial arrangements, both parties must enter into a binding arbitration agreement, which is routinely upheld by the civil courts.
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пятница, 5 апреля 2019 г.

Technology: Social Lubricant, or a Crutch?



I recently blogged about a NYC singles event that merges texting with live interaction. The premise is as follows: if you think someone is cute, you can text their badge number to Cupid’s Lab. If – and only if – that person likes you too and texts your badge number to Cupid’s Lab, you both get texts indicating that the other party is attracted to you. It’s a low-risk way of finding out if the person you’re into is into you, too. That way, you’re less likely to fear rejection if you approach him or her – if you haven’t already. (At least, that’s how I read it.)

Granted, Cupid’s Lab has a novel concept here, and since texting at a bar or club is so common, the behavior required on the part of users requires no hurdle (beyond wearing a badge, which doesn’t feel so silly if everyone’s doing it.) But the whole exercise reminds me of high school (back in the day, when we didn’t text).
Agatha likes Ben. Agatha asks her BFF Cathy to find out if Ben likes her back. If Cathy asks Ben, “So what do you think about Agatha?” then Ben will surmise that Agatha likes him. If Agatha finds this too risky, she can ask Cathy to ask Ben’s buddy Dalton to ask Ben, “Hey, what do you think of Agatha?” If Ben says, “She’s hot,” Dalton can tell Cathy, who then tells Agatha. Agatha can then be more forward with Ben, or what have you.
The texting service just cuts out the BFFs and best buds. Instead of having an IRL (In Real Life) social network (like one has in high school), the service acts as single node to replace two other people. And this node only sends out, “S/he likes you” if it gets a positive signal from both. At one of these Cupid’s Lab parties, if you text someone’s badge number and get nothing back, you haven’t “lost face,” because the other person doesn’t know about it if they don’t text your badge number as well.
I’m not one to talk – I’ve never been terribly confident approaching someone cold, and besides, I’m married – but this new use of technology seems like a crutch. I mean, if you are attracted to someone at a gathering, you just go up to them and start a conversation, right? If you’re old enough to drink, you shouldn’t have to ask your BFF to find out if that guy thinks you’re cute. You send a clear signal, or you make the first move. There’s something about relying on an external source – especially when it comes to the “mating game” – that seems juvenile.
Unless we’re talking about matchmaking. Cupid’s Lab enables this, too. You can text the badge numbers of two people you think would hit it off, and they both get a notification that someone thinks they’d make a good match. In the real world, if you trust someone’s judgment and they match you up with someone, you’re essentially using them as a social filter. Complex algorithms used by some online dating sites serve the same function. Out of a sea of people, they choose people whom they believe will be compatible with you.
We don’t look for mates in a vacuum. Friends help make our search easier, either by vetting a potential mate or introducing you to one of their friends. In the age of text messages and social media, we can now cut out our trusted associates and rely on technologies that serve basically the same function.
But should we?

References:


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