пятница, 5 апреля 2019 г.

Technology: Social Lubricant, or a Crutch?



I recently blogged about a NYC singles event that merges texting with live interaction. The premise is as follows: if you think someone is cute, you can text their badge number to Cupid’s Lab. If – and only if – that person likes you too and texts your badge number to Cupid’s Lab, you both get texts indicating that the other party is attracted to you. It’s a low-risk way of finding out if the person you’re into is into you, too. That way, you’re less likely to fear rejection if you approach him or her – if you haven’t already. (At least, that’s how I read it.)

Granted, Cupid’s Lab has a novel concept here, and since texting at a bar or club is so common, the behavior required on the part of users requires no hurdle (beyond wearing a badge, which doesn’t feel so silly if everyone’s doing it.) But the whole exercise reminds me of high school (back in the day, when we didn’t text).
Agatha likes Ben. Agatha asks her BFF Cathy to find out if Ben likes her back. If Cathy asks Ben, “So what do you think about Agatha?” then Ben will surmise that Agatha likes him. If Agatha finds this too risky, she can ask Cathy to ask Ben’s buddy Dalton to ask Ben, “Hey, what do you think of Agatha?” If Ben says, “She’s hot,” Dalton can tell Cathy, who then tells Agatha. Agatha can then be more forward with Ben, or what have you.
The texting service just cuts out the BFFs and best buds. Instead of having an IRL (In Real Life) social network (like one has in high school), the service acts as single node to replace two other people. And this node only sends out, “S/he likes you” if it gets a positive signal from both. At one of these Cupid’s Lab parties, if you text someone’s badge number and get nothing back, you haven’t “lost face,” because the other person doesn’t know about it if they don’t text your badge number as well.
I’m not one to talk – I’ve never been terribly confident approaching someone cold, and besides, I’m married – but this new use of technology seems like a crutch. I mean, if you are attracted to someone at a gathering, you just go up to them and start a conversation, right? If you’re old enough to drink, you shouldn’t have to ask your BFF to find out if that guy thinks you’re cute. You send a clear signal, or you make the first move. There’s something about relying on an external source – especially when it comes to the “mating game” – that seems juvenile.
Unless we’re talking about matchmaking. Cupid’s Lab enables this, too. You can text the badge numbers of two people you think would hit it off, and they both get a notification that someone thinks they’d make a good match. In the real world, if you trust someone’s judgment and they match you up with someone, you’re essentially using them as a social filter. Complex algorithms used by some online dating sites serve the same function. Out of a sea of people, they choose people whom they believe will be compatible with you.
We don’t look for mates in a vacuum. Friends help make our search easier, either by vetting a potential mate or introducing you to one of their friends. In the age of text messages and social media, we can now cut out our trusted associates and rely on technologies that serve basically the same function.
But should we?

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