среда, 19 февраля 2020 г.

Just because you've forgotten Craiglist doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten you!


I have to hold my hands up, there is no progress with casual fling. Nothing has changed and I must have been fooling myself when I thought he was still ‘thinking about’ what had been said. I just don’t think he knows what he wants and I certainly want more than that!


I’m half chatting to a few guys on the dating site again but not with much gusto. There is soon more drama when I start 
Craiglist chatting to a local guy on Craiglist instant messenger after exchanging a few e-mails. He asks for my number and suggests meeting up at one our local drinking holes to see if we recognise each other as he seems to socialise in all the same places I do. Pretty late that night he text me about arrangements but I was too tired to think straight and reply and ended up falling asleep soon after. I could not believe what I woke to on my phone in the morning!!! He had text me a photo of a girl holding her top up…no bra. I’m flummoxed. The next text says; ‘My ex, what do you think?. I text him back saying not to bother contacting me, I thought it was pretty disrespectful to me and her sending that message considering I doubt her permission was sought and we hadn’t even met yet. I mean, well done mate! No idea why you’re single…Idiot!

I’m recounting this story to my mate Alex at work the next day, he’s been on the dating site too but we hadn’t spoken much about it and he coyly admitted he’d met someone last week. He said her 
Craiglist profile picture was great, she looked really pretty and sounded really sweet. She talked about yoga and fitness on her Craiglist profile, said she liked to look after herself and she was looking forward to meeting someone ‘normal’. When they actually met Alex realised she’d pulled a classic trick; only adding photo’s from the waist up. He walked into some pub to meet her and she was already there sat down. After an hour and two drinks she got up to go to the Craiglist ladies revealing the most eeeenormous hips and ass that were totally out of proportion with the rest of her body. Now that’s just not playing fair and if I met a guy who had edited out his beer belly then I’d be pretty peeved. Now it gets worse, despite Alex being shocked and not entirely pleased with the size of said lady’s derriere he says he’ll meet her again to see how things go. She texts the day before asking him to bring his cheque book as she’s lost hers and really needs to pay for something. Right. Normal? Maybe in your world luv!

It’s a minefield out there and it appears my little friend with the bad judgement on the appropriateness of texts has not got the 
Craiglist message. He texts me again, this time with a picture of his erect penis and a ‘Sorry, will this make it better?’ message below. NO IT WILL NOT! I tell him firmly where to stick it and tell him not to contact me ever again or I’ll report him to the police. I do get a nice reminder that there are sweet people in this world when David texts saying sorry he’s been so busy but he’s been following my favourite TV programme and hopes I’m enjoying it too. But I get a shock on Valentines day….

As a single person it’s really a day to be ignored and I had done just that, I hadn’t even thought about it when I woke up. I got to work and thought nothing of it when the DHL man rang the buzzer, he delivers stuff all the time. The box was for me however, and it was a BIG box. In it were a number of carefully wrapped items and a very pretty card which left no traditional mystery as it was signed ‘Be my valentine, All my love, David, x’. Okaaay. In the box were a number of very carefully chosen items personal to myself; my favourite champagne, my favourite chocolates, the cereal I have always eaten before I go to bed, my favourite board game that I don’t have my own copy of, a punnet of my favourite fruit and a single red rose. I’m quite speechless and halfway between exceptionally impressed and freaked out as his listening skills. In fact, I’m incredulous. I havn’t even told him where I work but I must have mentioned my company name in conversation. The guy is either a genius or had a Dictaphone under the table at all our 
Craiglist dates. I text him with profuse thanks and feel terribly guilty I didn’t even send a card.

I spend the rest of the day still reeling about this mornings package, half chuckling and half freaked out! The buzzer soon wakes me up at four o’clock though, it’s an enormous bunch of flowers. Very rare ones, that only grow in certain places in the far east that are hugely expensive to get over here. Only someone who had listened un-naturally carefully would have found the exact flowers or remembered that I had seen them growing in their natural habitat while travelling. The card just says ‘Have dinner with me next week, David x’.

So what do I make of this one??

вторник, 18 февраля 2020 г.

He's Just Not That Into You: Doublelist Review


I got this book a few weeks ago and started reading it. I have to say that I was one of those women who made the same assumptions when it came to guys not calling back. I'd meet someone and everything seemed to be going good, I gave him my number and he did call a couple times. So I thought I had it made. In our last conversation he said he'd call the next day. But the next day came and went and no phone call.



Like most women, I just assumed that maybe he was busy and didn't have the chance to call yet, so I waited. And after a few days I began to wonder if maybe he lost my number. I wondered if I should call him just in case. So finally I did, I got his voice mail and left a casual message. I thought now for sure he'll call back. A few days went by and no call. But still for some reason It never occurred to me that maybe he just wasn't all that interested. And I spent a couple of days doing what every woman does when this happens: wondering what I did wrong! Did I say something to scare him off, was I not attractive enough, in my mind there just had to be some reason. But really, I did nothing wrong. I just couldn't see that he wasn't that into me.

I got the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt. I had seen it advertised and this was before the movie came out. So I got into the book right away, I was curious about how guys think when it comes to dating and relationships. I could myself in those examples in the book, I was making the same assumptions and the same excuses they were.

The idea for this book came about by accident. Greg Behrendt was at a conference where the author of this book was also attending. Some of the others were sitting around talking and one women asked a question and it was Greg's answer right off that set the whole thing in motion.
She was telling a friend that she met this guy and everything was great and then suddenly he stopped calling. She asked her friend if she had done anything to scare him away. So she was quite shocked when Greg answered the question by saying "No, it sounds like he just wasn't that into you! Wow, could it really be that simple? Just a lack of interest?

We make all kinds of excuses as to why a guy hasn't called back because we don't want to think that the nice, good-looking guy we just met could be that rude. But it's not rudeness on his part. He just doesn't want to hurt your feeling or risk making you cry by saying that he really doesn't think it will work out. Men will do anything to not hurt your feelings, at least most decent men will there area few exceptions. So he thinks it's kinder to not lead you on by calling or returning your messages.

But we as women do this too. You have to change the way you see this. Imagine it from a different perspective. Let's say you meet this really nice guy, he's good-looking but not exactly the type your looking for. You talk and he asks for your number. You agree to a date and go out. But you realize after the date that although he's a great guy, theres just something lacking for you. Not anything he did wrong, but your just not really interested in going on another date with him. Here is the saying reversed "You're just not that into him" simple as that. So what do you do? Do you call him and say "hey your a great guy but I'm just not interested in dating you anymore? No way, that would be cruel. I'll just not call him, he'll eventually get the picture and I wont have to hurt his feelings. Sound familiar? It easy to understand this once you see it from a different angle.

If you'd like more insight on men, from a guy's view I recommend reading the book. I really enjoyed it and he is upfront and honest about how guys think. Straight from the horse's mouth. I have experienced the same thing over and over so I know from personal experience. Believe me you are not the only one who has this problem. Read the examples and letters from other women, I know you will see yourself in everyone of them like I did. Not being someones type isn't a crime. We just need to remove the personal feelings from it and realize that if were not his type then we are someone elses and we just haven't met them yet. Move on to the next adventure without hurt feelings and guilt.
What really gets me are the people who talk of going on spur of the moment trips abroad and want someone with the same kind of sense of adventure.

Um, I…have a job? And pets? And, like, other stuff?


I’ll admit it: I don’t travel. I’ve just never been one to travel much because I’ve always worked.

Doesn’t mean I don’t want to, I just…never get to it, I guess. I think to many people who use these sites and apps I’m boring and uncultured. Yet, I’m always reading about other countries and cultures and trying to learn more about other people’s traditions. I have a curiosity about stuff like that. That’s not something you put in a profile, though.

среда, 12 февраля 2020 г.

It’s Not Just A Title: The Maine Backpage Debate



Backpage, the words seem so elementary don’t they? I can still remember in grade school Christopher Hamilton secretly slipping a note on my desk as he walked past, pretending to need to sharpen his pencil. Scribbled on the somewhat crumpled piece of looseleaf was five little words,

WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?





To this request I said yes and me and Chris were in relationship bliss for a whole two hours-that’s when recess rolled around and the thought of having to hold his hand or sit next to him repulsed me, so I quickly changed my mind. My shortest relationship to date, but Chris didn’t care, he was so excited to be able to call me his girlfriend-it meant something to him.

Nowadays, that’s not the case. I hear more and more people talking about not wanting “the title”. They want to date without calling it Backpage. Is it because they’ve been hurt so many times in the past that they don’t trust? Or is it just because in our society today people are more afraid and reluctant to make commitments and stick to them? Some people will tell you that the title means nothing.

Truth is Backpage has lots of meaning associated with it. There are certain requirements, expectations, and commitments that go along with that title. It’s like getting a promotion at work. You receive a new title and along with that title often times comes more responsibility, a greater commitment, and yes, greater pay. You are entitled to enjoy the greater benefits that the title brings, but with greater responsibility. When you make the step from just dating to being in a relationship it is much like getting that job promotion. Although within each individual relationship the expectations may differ, the point in which you enter into a said relationship, expectations arise.

Without defined expectations, a relationship is sure to fizzle out, usually because one or both parties are not getting what they need or want-because they’ve yet to define to the other person what they expect from them. This is the whole purpose of the whole Backpage phenom. As elementary as it may sound to a woman who is divorced in her early forties with teenagers who also have “boyfriends” it is what defines the commitment and benefits level of a relationship. Remember, often times if the relationship is not defined, there’s no relationship.


вторник, 11 февраля 2020 г.

Canadian Hookup Adventure


Some dudes are emotionally dumb. Most dudes. They have no empathy, and thus no insight into what a woman’s feeling.


“When a woman is into a guy, she finds excuses to free her schedule.” You spoke the gospel, Moxie. As a man, you’re not just competing against every other guy chatting her up on OkCupid, but also and more so against the EXCITEMENT SHE FEELS about all of those guys chatting her up on Loveawake. You have to be better than the thrill she gets from multiple guys hustling for her time. That’s tough, and takes your attention and your effort. If he (or any man) wants a woman to open up her schedule for him, he had better earn it. Or he can “just be himself” and end up having to send his sob story into a dating column.


I’m in an offline hookup “upswing” currently. When a woman seems resistant and plays the “next week is so busy” card, I play it cool in a way that alludes to the fact that I have options, just like her. My standard line in that situation, word-for-word: “No worries. I’ll be patient, and hope that no one sweeps either of us off of our feet by then.” Then I’ll call her (NOT TEXT), midway through the week to reconnect.


Or she could just be busy. She could have plans with friends, be going out of town, working, whatever. The canned lamenting about having to wait to see her is a huge turn off. Why are you demanding her time when you just met? Play it cool, my friend.

Play it cool. Although based on my hookup experiences you MAY be correct, i dont like this play it cool game. Its fake. Why play it cool? Play it how you feel it just dont make the other person feel like they dont have space and cant breath. But definitly dont play anything. Im not saying to lamely just “Be yourself” im saying dont just play the cool fool who who lets some other guy dance with your girl. Go take your girl.

My general view is that trying to set up a date the immediate weekend after a Wednesday first date is too soon. Even if you had no plans for the weekend, I think it makes you seem too available and/or lacing in impulse control which is a potential kiss of death for a man. I don’t agree with Moxie’s view that dating has changed in a way that requires rushing things – yes, she has many options. Women always do. And… always have. The key is to create the appearance that you have options too.

Otherwise, I agree with Moxie’s advice that the proper response to a “booked” situation is to just play along and allow her to control the pace. You don’t need to know the answer if she’s “really” interested or not. Time will tell – I would check in with her, she will come around and reciprocate if she’s interested. Trying to guilt her into seeing you after one date is a very bad idea, in my opnion.

I think it’s absolutely fine to see someone again a few days after a first date. In my view, its all in how you ask though. You don’t want to come off like you had nothing else going on or that you’re entirely freeing up your schedule to see this person again. You should have plans ready that you can mention. Something you were doing anyway that you can just invite her to rather than asking her out again. Its much more casual hookup and less pressure. I like Horace’s line too. Prob start using that…

Even though most people are cool with short hookups during the workweek, i don’t assume that anyone is going to be willing to go out on dates on a work night. Some people can seem overly fussy about never letting themselves stay out late if it’s not a weekend. It’s not weird in and of itself if someone you’ve just started dating can only see you once or twice a week in the beginning. It’s also not weird for that person to have to tie up a lot of loose ends before a relationship can fall into place. That includes fulfilling plans she made before you met her and dates that she already has on her roster. It’s curious that this guy doesn’t seem to have asked her about her work schedule or what she’s doing for the next two weekends. I don’t think I’ve ever come away from a first date not knowing when the guy gets home from hookup and the details of the fun things he’s doing over the weekend.

вторник, 4 февраля 2020 г.

Ontario Backpage Ads



While I agree that the men can pick up on a woman’s vulnerability, I think initially the woman meets a man who she believes is out of her league (so she thinks) and pursues him because of that. That’s all tied to the insecurity and vulnerability. Having that man in her life validates her and helps her deal with her insecurity.

Kitchener Backpage Ads

You never said what your family thought of him. I’ve been in situations where my mother didn’t like the Kitchener backpage person I was seeing, and she was right in feeling that way. It’s important for you to meet his family, because a man’s relationship with them says a lot about his character and how he will treat you in the future. All relationships start off perfect, so there is no indication that this will work in the long run, although nothing is guaranteed in life, except death. I wish you the best of luck.

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Hi Carina, I’m reading your question and it looks like the relationship that started too fast for me too, fast forward a year and a half and he still is not ready to commit. I feel like this kind of guys are already so afraid of commitment that they would lie to themselves that they want to commit when in reality they are never ready. Could you please give an update on this thread? Thanks
Try not to panic or over think this Halifax backpage. Things look good so sit back and enjoy. Just because he mentioned moving in doesn’t mean you have to. You also don’t have to get married or preggers this year either.

Brampton Dating Backpages

I moved pretty fast in my relationship/marriage too but things felt right and I just went with the flow. I always get a bit irked when the term unhealthy is thrown around to describe these relationships. My Brampton backpage husband is by far the most emotionally healthy, stable and balanced person I know. Also timing is important where when you two have finished maturing from the experience from past relationships and things tend to flow smoother as there are less kinks to work out.

Guelph Dating

Different relationships reach milestones at different stages. Being in one where the milestones took forever or never happened at all to one where it happened quickly I can’t say slow is always always better. I would just enjoy and not make any giant moves for at least 3-6 months just to make sure you are getting a chance to see the real Guelph backpage personality underneath. Also going on vacation is a great idea because you are both in an unfamiliar place doing your own bits of problem solving while having a good time. If you manage this without murdering it can be a good sign for compatibility. Deciding to step back and be distant just because could hurt any positive momentum you two got going and create drama where there isn’t any. Just relax and enjoy.

I agree with Saj – enjoy the new relationship, take the keys for convenience and leave some stuff there..but don’t move in, give up your apt, give up making friends etc. You will continue to meet his friends and spend time together and any personality quirks will come out in the next six months..and then you can see from there. That said..keep your eyes open and don’t marry someone who you don’t really know..because of the rush there is the potential that he is lonely, trying to get over something, depressed etc. and looking for the new girl in town for the fix.. 

One more thing — I have lived in NYC and in Florida. The mind set of people are totally different in each place. People I knew in NYC were more driven and individualistic, and frankly thought more about how things affected them rather than “us”. There was always a slight wariness of how being a couple would infringe on their life.


People I knew in Ontario were more into coupling up, combining and sharing a life. More old fashioned in a way. And more willing to take the leap into marriage. That said, I knew plenty of women in Florida who were working on their 3rd husband before reaching 30.

I wouldn’t move in with him. But don’t be scared off because he wants you. Take his advice and wait a year before getting engaged. If you still love him after a year, then go get hitched and have a great life together!

Text Game


Text Game - I hear so many guys complain about how difficult the initial phone call is when setting up a day 2 with a girl they just met. Having to reintroduce yourself, where you met, the awkward pauses, not knowing what to say. One way I’ve learned to remedy this is before I ask a girl for her number or contact info is to set up the date beforehand. In set, after we’ve established attraction, created rapport and are now at a point where we are sharing information about ourselves, I might say something like, “I need to hit the mall and get some new shoes. You should join me.” Or you could say, “Do you know of such and such place (a new bar, store, etc)…I heard it was really cool…I’m going to check it out with some friends this week…you should meet us.”
This is so different from asking a girl to a coffee date or after work drink because its far less risky for both of you. You are actually going to be doing a particular activity, and her presence or your being there together is secondary. It takes off all the pressure.


The Dating Matrix provides sample phone conversations when setting up day 2’s, as well providing a checklist of how to behave and what to say. For those instances when you get a number from a girl and have not set up an activity in advance, I recommend you text. Of course if you have been reading my blog, you know I advocate texting at about a 5 to 1 ratio to making phone calls in any situation. But regardless, text game is easy to get good at, and without any in person awkwardness.
I’ve told you before about Flora who I met a few weeks ago at club Set. She was sitting on a couch with two other girls smoking a cigarette. I was at a VIP table with friends nearby and noticed her. My direct approach was (with a big smile) “You should know smoking isn’t good for you…then again, neither am I.” We began talking and after a few minutes her friend who was leaving came to grab her. I attempted to intervene but to no avail. Anyway, what follows is my text game starting the next day:
E: that must have been your first time at set…otherwise I would have seduced you a long time ago..lol…your friend was very protective…she probably knows I’m not good for you 
F: she didn’t say anything but im kinda picky…lol!
E: sweetie, I know ur picky…that’s why u picked me…lol
F: lol! Kinda like that
E: I like that u like that…but I would rather hear it in person…in very close proximity…perhaps whispered in my ear..lol..how do you like that 
F: that would be lovely!
E: good..now stop thinking about me and get back to work..lol
F: you’re such a player!
E: well I guess we know whats on ur mind..u weren’t expecting flowers were u..lol
F: never do!
E : oohhh..ur a bad girl…interesting..i could never take you home to mom 
F don’t get excited…i got rules
E: lol…ive heard that before..i seem to have this effect on women..whats the matter u don’t trust yourself around me 
F: of course I do!
E: not that I don’t think your rules will get thrown out the window…but for humors sake.. tell me a couple 
F: ha ha!
Generally, you will never catch me saying things like, “It was really nice meeting you last night” or “I think you are a very nice person”. This kind of crap begs you to be put into the friends zone. I’m not saying you have to be irreverent, but I find it helpful if you are confident with doses of humor. I always try to pick out a thread from our conversation and have a funny take on it. I also begin by assuming she knows me and never say “Hi, its Eric….we met last week at …”
Text Games are also a great way to qualify a prospective partner. If she doesn’t have a personality or sense of humor, its going to be apparent pretty quickly…

четверг, 30 января 2020 г.

Craiglist Home Page


Some friends of mine who are still serving in the military, just returned from yet another overseas deployment. Some of us served together during the initial deployments after 9/11.
Even though it’s been over 12 years since my last overseas long term deployment, I remember it like yesterday. The feeling of never knowing how long you would be away from home….you had a general idea, but never a specific date.

I sent them a general message to welcome them home and to remind them that no matter when you deploy for however long, a piece of you remains there. The good and bad memories also remain. Leaving a part of your soul somewhere is the price you pay. You come home changed, and have a new perspective on the world. You appreciate things back at home and love them tenfold.
Now I reflect back on that version of myself from way back when and wonder where he went.
I’ve written about this many, many times the past year and I’m still looking for him or at least a trace of him.
I won’t revisit how bad my current project at work is. I won’t cry about the injustice of it. I’ve beaten it to death in my head, heart and caused lots of collateral damage to those close to me.
I’ve gotten advice, direct verbal assaults to deal with it…and I have to do something. Whining, complaining, crying, pouting or any other negative reactions won’t make a difference.
My loved ones both near and far worry about me and have tried repeatedly to help me find a solution.
This weekend (and Friday) I’ve had a migraine headache. (Sinus cold) But, being in constant pain has a way of beating you down some more and making you reassess things.
I have to approach tomorrow with a different view, or less of a negative one.
There is no alternative. The only thing that will happen is I get crushed even worse.
There is an end to it. No matter what happens, it will get completed. There will be more drama, complaining (by the customer) and setbacks of varying types. I have to quit coming in expecting it will be perfect, go my way…or go smoothly.
Time to bear down and make it tolerable. I have too.
I’m not sure what will happen when I go back to “The Real World” and my usual projects…but I will deal with that when it happens.
So when the project is over, completed, whatever…I can go home.
And be welcomed too.