Whether you’re on Facebook or eHarmony
(or, God help you, MySpace), a profile picture is pretty important when it
comes to your love life. Chances are, that new guy or girl you’re convinced is
the love of your life is going to look at your profile in depth. But, like it
or not, no one cares what your activities are if you look like a freak in your
photo. Here are ten types of profile pics to avoid making your own.
10. The Panorama.
Hey, it’s great that you love traveling so much that all your pics are
you in front of world monuments (or just the local baseball stadium). But where
are you? Oh that is you,
in the sunglasses, the hat, and the big jacket, at the base of Mount
Kilimanjaro? Funny, I can’t tell a thing about you by looking at that pic.
9. The Insecurity Crop.
Most people aren’t looking for a perfect body; they
would, however, like to know what your body is like before they meet you. A
super-close shot of someone’s face usually says as much about how insecure they
are as it does about how hot they are.
8. The Baby Daddy Shot.
If you have kids and you want your potential date to
know that, fine. If you don’t have kids and you want your potential date to
think you like kids … think again. I’m sure I’ll find out you love your nieces
and nephews on our first date, but when I see them in your picture, I assume
you’re the kind of guy who volunteers at a nursing home just to hit on the hot
visiting granddaughters.
7. The Sloppy Snapshot.
Yeah, you just want everyone to know you’re so fun … but if a guy
clicks through your first five photos and there’s a Jagerbomb in every one, he
might question whether you need a date or a sponsor.
6. The Colorblind Pic.
Using photo editing software to turn your picture
black and white is great if you’re going for a romantic engagement photo. In a
profile pic, it’s another form of an insecurity shot; we all know flaws show up
best in full color.
5. The Stock Photo.
The picture your company takes for “Employee of the Month” is nice and
all, but this isn’t a yearbook. A standard blue background and business-wear
sends a message that you’re too boring to do the sort of activities where
people actually take pictures.
4. The Fluent-in-Sign-Language Shot.
Hey, guys, I know you don’t know where to put your
hands, but please do not put them in front of your body doing any of the
following: one thumb up, two thumbs up, pointing at the guy next to you with a
fake-pensive look on your face, making a “Who me?” gesture, making mock gang
symbols, or demonstrating the Shocker.
3. The Outdated Photo.
If all your pics are you in college gear and college
bars, rocking fashion from 2005, or simply looking way too fresh-faced to match
the fact that your profile says you’re 28, we’re going to wonder what part of aging
doesn’t agree with you.
2. The Hipster Pic.
Oh, girl, you’re such an individual with your dirty hair in your face
and your refusal to smile. Maybe other members of the doucheoisie are attracted
to the “ironic” angle at which you snapped your pic … enjoy your new
boyfriend’s mustache and loft.
1. The Groupie Photo.
Which one are you again? All I see is five guys with
dark brown hair in button-down shirts. That one on the left is pretty cute …
oh, that’s not you? Um, well is he on Match too??
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